Category: Decision

Six ways to stop resistance kicking your butt…

By , April 14, 2012 5:25 pm

“Resistance is a repelling force. It’s negative. It’s aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work.”

Steven Pressfield, Author

Resistance is a challenge for everyone from time to time.

I’ve helped my clients work through resistance when it has created self-doubt, procrastination, fear, low self-esteem and even self-sabotage in their business, projects or home life.

Resistance is a powerful nasty beasty!

I have been on the receiving end of it many times in my own life.

Resistance can kill your goals and dreams and destroy your confidence all at the same time.

It’s a powerful enemy within that feeds off your Lizard brain – that niggling voice in your head that says: “Do it tomorrow instead.” Or “Who do you think you are?!”  It turns positive momentum and hope into stone.

 

The truth is that EVERYONE has THAT voice in his or her head in the same way that everyone breathes. It’s natural and part of your human defenses. But that doesn’t mean it’s always right!

Resistance holds you back, throws you off course and won’t let go until it takes your ideas and goals and destroys them – you give up.

Perhaps you’ve started a business or you’re working on a project…

You get into a rhythm when good things are happening. You achieve momentum and everything flows. It’s like the Universe is pulling everything together and things are moving at a fast pace. There’s a quickening as things unfold for you.

…Then you hit the wall. Something happens or goes wrong. You lose confidence, despite being two-thirds through the project and the end was almost in sight. You’ve invested so much in time, energy and not to mention money, then it all feels like it’s slipping away from you.

Panic sets in as the tide turns, you feel out of control and can’t stop it. Your confidence drains away as the voice in your head returns to tell you that you’re not cut out for this and you’re the biggest loser in town.

Suddenly failure becomes an option and you’re scared. What was fun now feels very dark.

You can’t negotiate or reason with resistance because your inner Lizard is working overtime.

Resistance isn’t the end – though sometimes it can feel like it! Resistance is just testing your resolve. It’s part of the process. You can get through to the other side.

Here’s how:

1. Recognise your enemy – Resistance is self-created. It’s noisy and feels real but it’s not the big monster you might perceive it to be. Recognising this is extremely important.  YOU always have the power of free will. You can override your resistance at any time by taking conscious action. You get to choose whether you stay stuck or not.

2. Reconnect to your WHY – Your passion is like an antidote. It can de-solve any fear associated with your resistance. Reconnect to your passion and draw energy from it by answering the following two questions and use these as your touchstones as you’re working through:

WHY do I want to do this?

How badly do I want to succeed?

3. Remember it’s just part of the process Resistance is just part of the journey: First you have an idea – then you have resistance – then you create a system or process to work through it and take consistent action.

4. Get help Fight resistance with assistance! Help yourself by setting up a daily ritual or system that gets you into the habit of showing up and taking action. Create affirmations or goal cards and look at them regularly to visualize success. Sometimes it feels harder because you feel alone. Enlist help from others who have experienced what you’re experiencing now. They can guide you through.

5. Accept that things go wrong – You can’t always prepare for it but shit happens! Sometimes things don’t work. There’s a difference between quitting and feeling like quitting. Failure means that we have to grow – it’s all about learning. You’re compelled to figure it out. You are presented with the raw materials for your solution. Work the problem to create your solution.

6. Hang in there Completing is not for the faint hearted. Yes it takes hard work and stamina to finish. There might be many obstacles along the way. But all the hard work is for nothing if you don’t show up to finish. This sometimes requires extra energy and drive to see it through and it’s the most difficult bit – but it’s worth it! Sometimes you have to reach in for that extra bit of courage.

Resistance invisibly thrives when self-sabotage, self-doubt, low confidence, procrastination, and fear takes hold. The more important your call to action, the greater the sense of resistance you’ll feel. It’s a natural part of life. You can hide from it and hope it goes away, or consciously work through it.

You ALWAYS have a choice…

 

Not making any progress with your goals? Try these six steps…

By , March 21, 2012 9:10 pm

“My life is one long obstacle course, with me being chief obstacle.”

Jack Paar.

I’ve come to realise that learning and success is NOT about doing more.

And often, the one key thing that gets in my way… is me!

Growing is about taking action towards your goal and completing things.

I started working with a new client this week (Jenny). She began our session by describing how disappointed she was with the progress of her year so far. She blamed constant interruptions for her lack of productivity (on reflection, she realized that none of these were necessities, just bad habits, a lack of boundaries and not being selective – we’re now working on these together).

Jenny’s great plans for the year had all fallen away since January. She’d not made any meaningful progress and was back telling the same story she’d been telling everyone last year: how unfair everything was and feeling sorry for herself that she had no time to make anything happen.

Then she started ‘should-ing…’ Her conversation was peppered with “I know I should be more…”

It’s difficult to be fully present and focused on what’s important when you have many demands on your attention. You become distracted by the noise of interruptions and it’s hard to get BACK ON TRACK.

These distractions can become valid excuses (an alibi) for not achieving your goal. Over time your goal remains an idea as things begin to fall away.

Jenny was exerting a lot of effort and energy to maintain her alibi and at the same time she was creating self-imposed disappointment and grief. Her alibi had become more attractive than taking what was perceived to be a more difficult path towards achieving her goals. She put extra demands upon herself and baled out with excuses instead of taking action.

Most of us are undisciplined in our approach and it’s easy to become distracted and unfocused. When we’re under pressure we move out of our left-brain – logical thinking, into the right brain - emotive thinking and it’s difficult to be rational from this place.

Here’s how to make meaningful progress and get BACK ON TRACK:

1. Re-align to your goal - Get clear on WHAT you want to achieve and WHY you want to do it. Write down your intention and keep this in a place where you can see it regularly.

2. Stop avoiding – Decide that you’ll no longer use excuses to keep you from your goal. Look out for convenient excuses that have taken you off track in the past. Do something that you’ve been avoiding today! Write down your excuses and turn them around with an action step instead, then go make it happen.

3. Not interested in the easy way out – Let your sub-conscious know that you’re no longer taking the path of convenience. Be your own cheerleader and congratulate yourself for having the courage and determination to move into feeling uncomfortable. Be open to making difficult choices rather than the usual easier ones. This is how you’ll create success.

4. Create a process - Write down what needs to be done. Create a system or process for things to happen – one step at a time. The only way you’ll be successful is to have a plan and follow the plan. What is the next step? Have discipline to follow the steps one at a time, as this will create momentum.

5. Take conscious action – Take small action steps consistently and make it a habit. Consciously check in weekly with your progress and schedule dates and times in your planner to keep things moving – little and often.

6. Get some support – Shifting habits and creating new ways of working requires discipline and persistence if you’re determined to achieve your goals. In other words – You have to do the work! Hiring a coach is a great way to invest in your success. A good coach provides a high level of support and guidance to help you get BACK ON TRACK as you get clear, claim your power, take action and create new outcomes in your life and work.

NOW is the time to get Back on Track, re-align with your dreams, get strategic, and start to make things happen!

What’s your next step?

LiveBrilliant Women’s Retreat 11-13 November 2011

By , September 28, 2011 1:46 pm

LiveBrilliant Women’s Retreat – Coming Soon!

By , August 14, 2011 6:22 pm

Stop Resisting!

By , June 11, 2011 3:08 pm

“Just trust that everything is unfolding the way it is supposed to. Don’t resist. Surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

Sonia Ricotti – Author.

“I’ve got so much work to do I can’t see the end of it. I’m always going to be working late. I’ll never have any time for me or my relationships. I’m in a big black hole. My life really sucks!”

George, a coaching client.

Do you ever feel like things are not turning out the way they’re supposed to?

Sometimes we set off in the direction of our goal, we try something and it doesn’t work out the way we intended it.

You may not get the result you thought you wanted: 1st prize in the competition.  Your VISA card is up to it’s limit. You didn’t find the man of your dreams on match.com or only two people signed up for your workshop.

Whatever the situation, it’s easy to become reactive and resistant. You get locked into negative thoughts such as: ‘I’m just not cut out for this…’ or ‘I knew I wouldn’t win anyway!’ or ‘It shouldn’t be this way…’

It’s easy to become the victim. Complaining, resisting, getting upset or judging just prolongs the pain of the situation and it doesn’t help you to change anything. Instead you’ll continue to resist the reality of it.

Resisting takes a lot of energy and effort to maintain (I know this personally!).

The important thing here is to keep moving in the direction of your goal, no matter what the Universe presents to you! Your intended result may not always happen and this is perfectly okay. Rather than cling onto the pain or discomfort, let it go so that you can move onto something better.

You can’t fail to learn…

When one door closes, I always find that another door opens and it’s usually to a bigger and better place.

Here are some ways to move forward:

1. Stop resisting what is – Stop resisting what’s going on in your life just now, and choose to accept the current situation and the facts. E.g. I didn’t win 1st Prize. I currently have a heavy workload. Just accepting the situation can release the pressure and make you feel better. Don’t associate any meaning or emotions to it (This is not about giving up by the way!). This is all about accepting what is.

2. Get Clear on what you want – Re-align to your goal. Get clear and re-decide on what you really want. Remember WHY it is important to you and re-commit your attention and energy.

3. The Source of your power is YOU – Take responsibility for the current situation – It’s okay. Learn to listen and pay attention to your instincts – don’t ignore them. (You know – That little intuitive voice deep inside but you often ignore?!) You already have the solution inside of you. It is drowned out by all the resistance and noise. Choose to step into your power and listen to your inner wisdom. Create a plan to follow.

4. Take Action – Choose one small thing and do it. Start with the first logical step, then take another one, then another. Lean in and create some momentum every day.

5. Get support – You can’t do everything alone. Sometimes it helps to have a sounding board, someone who isn’t close to the situation who can offer support. A coach can support you in many ways. Asking for help is perfectly okay and sometimes can be very important.

Your Life -For a Limited Period Only!

By , April 27, 2011 10:10 pm

“Only your right life feels like freedom, and only freedom feels like your right life. Where you feel trapped, change.”

—Martha Beck, Author and Coach.

It’s so easy to spend much of our lives living from the Outside-In. Denying ourselves joy and happiness because we feel trapped and scared to change. We get lost in distraction and busy-ness and our intuitive voice becomes muted and lost Inside.

Life is ALL about transition because nothing stays the same.

Think about it… We are in constant motion yet we often fight change and cling onto what used to be. People and things come in and out of our life. As we grow our roles change as we are in constant flow.

We can’t always control it but we can learn to embrace it. If you master transition you can really cope with anything!

Here’s the choice as I see it:

  1. You can become a friend of change and continue to grow.
  2. You can resist it, become trapped and eventually get run over by it.

I’m making some really big transitions this year that are shifting me way out of my comfort zone and into the Unknown.

I’ve decided to buy a house. My furniture has been in storage behind these huge metal doors (on the left of this picture) since December 2009. I’ve only visited  three times to de-clutter boxes. The rest of my stuff sleeps in suspended animation locked behind these doors, waiting for me to return and haul them to the next destination that I choose to call my home.

I purposely didn’t visit here because it reminded me about all the decisions that I still had to make. Instead, I kept away and continued to pay my storage fee. Unconsciously this allowed me to avoid having to make any decisions about what to keep and where I wanted to live.

These doors are a great metaphor for me. It’s amazing how we can ‘steel door’ things:

  • How we can pack away our own freedom and happiness into a box and lock it away for later.
  • How we can hold onto things that we no longer like or that no longer serve us.
  • How we can stay stuck.
  • How we can feel trapped even though we hold the key to the lock.

What are you clinging onto?

May be it’s Great Aunt Maud’s old bookcase (That you’ve never liked but inherited)?

Perhaps it’s your job that just isn’t exciting anymore but you continue to turn up and go through the motions?

Whether what you’re holding onto is physical or psychological the drain of life force is the same.

I realised how physical or mental clutter can rob us of energy, hold us back, fog our clarity and suffocate our intuition. Clinging on is like a disease, it becomes more chronic the longer you hold on.

I’ve chosen to open those doors and Spring-clean my life from the Inside-Out. My increased self-awareness has made me realise that it’s time to let go of a few things and embrace change.

After all – Life is for a limited period only – So my friends, make the most of it.

Choose your right life and embrace change.

6 Ways to Deal with Paperwork!

By , March 20, 2011 6:39 pm

I have to confess that paperwork and administrative stuff isn’t my strength. I think I’m safe to say that it’s not one of my Unique Abilities!

In the past I found any excuse not to have to do it!

The teenage tantrum voice in my head gets a little ‘uppity’ when I’m faced with paperwork because she sees it as BOR-ING! If allowed to get her own way, the paperwork and admin’ stack gets bigger and BIGGER. Enter procrastination and excuses about ‘not having the time’ or ‘I’ll get around to it later!’ or a personal favourite: ‘I’ll do it tomorrow!’

Inevitably… the hord of paperwork  forms a ‘holding pattern’ spilling out from an over-stuffed intray waiting for Paper-Traffic Control to sit down and just sort it out! This happens only when there is no more visible free space left on the desk!

Once a stack of paperwork gets to certain height, then you have a stability problem… the whole thing is in danger of falling over a bit like Jenga bricks! Honestly, in the past, I have been known to start a second stack at this point!

Along with the stacks of paper comes overwhelm, guilt, stress and anxiety that something very important may have been missed. I feel totally out of control.

Are you familiar with any of this?

Seriously…The only thing you should be scared of with paperwork is a paper cut!

Here’s 6 ways to blast through your paperwork and take control back…

  1. Stop Making Excuses – Saying that you are ‘crap at paperwork’ doesn’t solve the paperwork problem. It keeps the issue external to you so you can blame your personality or parents instead! Take 100% responsibility for the situation and change it. Decide to deal with it by focusing your energy on clearing the back log a little at a time in a structured way.
  2. Take time to make time – Paperwork won’t get done unless you schedule some time in advance to specifically deal with it. I schedule a 1 hour paperwork block of time from 8-9 am every Friday morning when I’m working from home. I feel great afterwards because I know that I’ll be starting my weekend from a physically and mentally lighter place. I have taken some control back.
  3. Close everything else down – Turn off the phone, close down your emails (Unless specifically needed for actioning paperwork!) and any other programmes that could distract you. Focus on the stack one thing at a time and nothing else.
  4. Do it First Thing – This is VERY liberating. My expenses are the first action on my schedule every Monday morning. I show up and I get them done! JUST DOING IT makes me feel lighter because I can then concentrate on my High Value Work without being held to ransom by an inner chorus of should’s, must’s or ought to’s. I release the negative energy of having to do and replace it with it’s just what I do.
  5. Batch it – Plan your paperwork by batching it into similar activities. For example, I work on my expenses and invoicing in the same time slot because they are connected. I send workshop PowerPoint slides to delegates as I’m returning course attendance lists to clients. Get clear on what paperwork you are going to work on before you sit down to do it. Start small, do a bit at a time – but little and often. Create a positive habit. The stack will reduce and you’ll start to feel momentum and more in control.
  6. Create a Paperwork System – You may have a process for handling admin’ and paperwork already but if it isn’t working well, step back and explore how you can handle it better. Implement your plan. This may involve automation, using better software, getting a VA (Virtual Assistant) to delegate some of the basic stuff to save you time or deleting processes that no longer serve you. Improve your processes and you’ll improve your productivity.

It’s only paperwork after all! Claim your power back and blast through it!

Mwahahaha… look out paperwork here I come!

I’m a lean and mean paperwork blasting machine!

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