Posts tagged: Vulnerability

Seven Ways to Grow Through Uncertainty…

By , January 23, 2013 6:07 pm

“People who live their dreams have big, wide-open hearts and the rapier focus of a secret agent on a precarious mission. They do not sweat in the heat. They do not run because of a tabby cat’s shadow in the alley. They no longer fear disappointment or disruption. They meet uncertainty with certainty.”

 

~ Tama Kieves, Author, This Time I Dance!

I’m coaching several people who are going through big changes in their lives just now. As they continue to step forward and uplevel in the direction of their dreams they meet resistance, feel fear and sometimes progress is slow.

It’s times like this when your mind can work overtime inventing stories of how things won’t work out or predicting how you’re going to fail. The voices in your head fill your thoughts with insecurity and doubt.

Resistance can be a dream-killer, if you allow it to take hold and unleash its power. Insecurity and doubt enter through the cracks in our self-belief. We begin to question our intuition, as everything seems to go on red alert that this is the signal for the beginning of the end!

Uncertainty makes you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

You may have experienced times when no one wanted to hire you or your services, or you received negative feedback about the very thing you’re trying to create, or everyone seems to be forming an orderly queue, waiting in line to criticise you. It sometimes feels like everything external is against you!

It’s easy to succumb to the illusion that these external things have the power to steal your strength and resolve and make you weak.

But… only if you choose to let them!

If you want to be successful, you have to face these challenges head on and work through them. They are a natural part of stepping up and creating a bigger life.

I’ve learned to see uncertainty and resistance as internal growing pains, where you get to make defining decisions, call upon your will power, and seek extra support. They are opportunities for growth and you can succeed through them.

You are literally growing from the inside-out…

The truth is that every successful person will encounter obstacles, negative reactions and slow patches along their journey. The key thing is to know that it is happening for a reason:  growth.

Here are a few tips on how to grow through uncertainty and resistance:

Shake it off! I was queuing for airport security recently and a toddler was being grumpy and whiney. His Mum told him to stand still and ‘shake it off.’ The little boy did exactly that:  he stood still and shook his hands, feet and then his whole body, releasing all that negative energy and tension. He then gave his Mum a hug! This technique acted as a circuit breaker to shift his state of mind and change his behaviour. Shake off your negative thoughts. I’ve tried it – it works!

Awaken your clarity. Re-align with your intention/dream and re-connect to the reasons WHY you are doing what you are doing and how it will make you feel when you have achieved it. What difference will it make? Get clear and re-decide want you want.

Know that your intuition isn’t shot! When we perceive that things aren’t going well we stop trusting out intuition. Know that your intuition is working perfectly and have faith to tune back into it. Deep inside there is a knowing that all is well and that you are much more than your fear. Listen to your intuition – it is such a powerful source from within. Have faith and believe in yourself.

You are not alone. Sometimes you’ve done all you can to change a situation. The next step might be to face the fear and deal with it directly. You might get the help of a healer or coach to help you reach through to find your courage and restore your gritted determination to succeed. Remember, you are not alone.

Stop resisting and lean in. Sometimes it’s about being honest, open and leaning into the truth. Crying is a great energy release that frees and liberates our souls from those bottled up emotions. It’s a release value that can act as a catalyst for change. Honest feedback can increase your self-awareness and shift your perspective. Make space to allow for your growing pains. Have self-compassion.

Keep moving in the direction of your dream. Constantly reset your mind for success. Your thinking influences your success. Your energy and consistency is so important. Trust in the greater good and remember that things don’t always go to plan. We screw up and make mistakes sometimes. Continue with forward motion.

Keep perspective. One event has nothing to do with the rest of the breadth and depth of your life. It’s easy to string things together, make assumptions and imagine that the Universe is conspiring against you. This doesn’t empower you and you’ll get stuck in your story. Ask yourself, what are you trying to make this mean about you and your life? Keep things real and in perspective and put your energy to positive work.

You will emerge from uncertainty clearer, stronger and empowered. The cycle will continue and you may revisit the same pattern again in the future but from a higher level of experience as you continue to grow towards your dream.

Keep growing!

 

Why being vulnerable makes you a better leader!

By , September 19, 2012 11:30 pm

“Being vulnerable takes a great deal of courage because it means letting go of the old notions of control, forgetting forever the illusion that you can be in control.”

~ James A Autry, Author

 

Here’s how I see it…

Being vulnerable is an essential characteristic of being an authentic leader because you transcend to a deeper level of connection and meaning to your work, your life and your dreams. It evokes your spirit of self-leadership and gives you permission to be your real authentic self.

There’s always an element of discomfort and self-doubt at the start of any leadership workshop, as the participants inwardly compare themselves to the other people in the room.

I recently trained the first module of leadership programme and was surprised to see three different levels of management on the same workshop. How can you be fully open to learning if you have your boss or your team members in the same room?

It was a risky experiment…

Would people be open to learning? Would they be open and honest or would they just pay lip service to each other in order to seek approval?

This risk paid off BIG time…

What I witnessed in the classroom was transformational… I observed a deeper human connection to each other and the meaning of work. Egos and fixed mindsets dissolved before my eyes as people openly shared their growing pains and were prepared to learn from each other.

The whole experience actually made me a little teary!

Here’s why being vulnerable can make you a better leader in your life…

We are more similar than you think. Whoever we are, however we look and whatever role we play in the world, we all have similar hopes and fears, ambitions and desires. We all experience loss, grief, love and achievement.

People who develop a fixed mindset perceive the world through a distorted lens where some people are superior and others inferior. Their ego protects them by constantly comparing them to others and they feel a need to display their superiority. They don’t take their weaknesses seriously because it’s too risky.

Here’s how the EGO sees it: There’s a huge risk in stepping away from what you do well in order to try to master something new… don’t do it!

You get to be yourself. Sometimes we sacrifice who we are for the sake of what we perceive other people think we are. The best gift you can give the world is an authentic YOU. Knowing yourself gives you the confidence to hold the same values in whatever role you are playing in work or your life. You are the same REAL person in every situation and you’re not trying to be someone or something else. You are living true to yourself, being honest and open irrespective of status or ego.

It takes great courage to be vulnerable because you’re letting go of an illusion of control. Our true power comes from our ability to recognize that we can’t always be in control and it’s okay to ask for help and the support of others. You can openly admit when you are wrong. Being vulnerable isn’t always a safe option because it means playing outside of your comfort zone, where it can feel unsafe and uncomfortable. It’s easy for others to ridicule you, especially when you’re trying something new. Remember that ridicule and criticism is a reflection of the other person’s fear because they feel threatened (it’s not about you).

You connect with yourself at a deeper level. You’re being honest with your feelings and open to doubt, fear and uncertainty. Most of us learn to hide our feelings and protect ourselves in early life because it is perceived as a sign of weakness, so you push them deep down inside and repress them. Knowing yourself helps you to have a deeper faith in your intuition.

You don’t seek approval from others. Acceptance is more important than approval. You listen to others and accept people without judgment. You don’t tell people what you think they might want to hear. You deliver the truth with compassion and empathy. It’s not about winning or losing. You accept disagreement as a natural part of human interaction.

You’re a risk taker. Vulnerability is a risk you have to take if you want to create and experience deeper connection and success in your life. Putting your real self out into the world can feel daunting. However, I see a greater risk in hiding your true self by contorting, twisting and pretending to be something else instead of expressing your ideas or sharing your value in the world.

You stay in your power. When faced with a vulnerable situation, you get grounded, clear and deliberate with your intention holding authenticity as your goal. You stand in your power rather than playing small and shrinking to protect yourself.  Vulnerability is infectious! You lead the way by role modeling your bravery to others… Pass it on!

Being vulnerable takes a great deal of courage and it’s not an easy choice.

When you choose to be your REAL self, your world changes. People start to connect with you at a deeper level; they perceive you as honest, open and authentic. You stop contorting yourself to ‘fit in’ and ‘people please’ – You become the leader in your life.

Give yourself permission to be vulnerable…

 

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