Posts tagged: Voices in your head

How to Stop Yourself Going the Wrong Way…

By , February 13, 2013 11:46 pm

“The best thing about the past is that it’s over. When people don’t deal with the past as if it’s over, then they’re not free to go into the future.”

~ Richard Bandler – Make Your Life Great

Throughout our day we are constantly talking to ourselves – Yes, THAT voice in our head, the one who seems to be sat pulling all the levers in the control tower of you!

I’m constantly reminded about the awesome power of language and how it influences who we are, what we believe and how we show up in our lives.

One of the great masters, who I once had the honour of learning from, is Richard Bandler. I was reminded of his work this week as I was coaching a client who was struggling in her mind to move away from the past and towards a new future that she was defining for herself.

She’d decided on a direction of where she wanted to go, but the voice in her head kept subconsciously sabotaging her thinking and taking her on a road trip back to her past, rather than to the future where she wanted things to go. Also, the close family around her was saying: “You’ll never change, you’re set in your ways!”

When we set a goal and decide to make a change in our lives our conditioning and internal language is still set on the old default pattern that got us stuck in the first place. As our unconscious thoughts travel down the neural highway, we find ourselves suddenly back in that old place where we used to be and we’re stuck once again in the past:

“History is repeating itself…”

“Here we go again…”

“It must just be the way I am, I’ll never change…”

I love using the metaphor of our neural highway being like a busy motorway or freeway. You can almost see the blur of taillights flowing past you at great speed. It feels overwhelming and fast… Before you know it, you’re in the wrong lane and you’re turning down that old piece of road again:  All routes lead back to the past – your old behaviour and patterns of language and beliefs.

We get caught up in old thoughts and loops that no longer serve us.

As my client spoke, her words made me realize that she was going into a behavioural loop; she was becoming anxious and started to become self-deprecating. She became once again, the person in her past rather than the person she now wanted to be.

I asked her to STOP and BACK UP…

This broke the chain… These words opened her to a deeper level of thinking.

We explored her thinking and how it was making her feel. She was frustrated that she was still going down the old road and not catching herself in time. She then described where she wanted to be with passion and enthusiasm.

Then she got clear – She knew exactly what to do…

She decided that this was the last time she was going to take this route. So she mentally installed a ‘Wrong Way – Go Back’ sign on her neural highway slip road (on-ramp) before the entrance of the old highway she was unconsciously turning onto.

She is now watching her language and paying attention so when that old thinking comes along, she has a conscious system to STOP and BACK UP so she doesn’t go the wrong way. She’s now able to follow the new signage of where she wants to go:  Happiness ahead. Better relationships – next exit, new career coming – 800 yards!

I helped her create some strategies to back up and reframe the situation, and replace her negative language with positive using the power of her intention.

My client reconfigured her brain with some new language patterns that serve her future and not her past. This shifted her state of mind and made things different so she can keep an eye on where she wants to be. She’s moving forward once again.

The past is what we know and we use it as a compass point, a frame of reference for comparison, whereas the future is unknown. It’s uncertain and we’ve no tangible evidence to support that anything could actually be different or better out there. It’s risky and uncomfortable. But you have two great advocates:  faith and courage, if you choose to take them along on the journey with you.

Creating and following a new route takes time and sometimes a little extra support and direction. It’s hard to do it all on your own. The last thing you need is someone with a clipboard standing over you telling you “you’ll never change or it won’t last long – look what happened last time!”

Dwelling on the past keeps you stuck – You’re going the wrong way!

Some people spend years and loads of money in therapy trying to understand WHY the past happened. My philosophy is that learning and growing (and healing) is all about letting go and taking forward motion. Life is fluid and too short to keep using the past as your navigation tool for the future. Create something new; you’ll be surprised how refreshing and exciting the new feelings are that come your way. It sets you free to go into your future!

Sometimes you need a little coaching support to get you started and change the language in your head. This opens you up to a world of infinite possibility.

What do you want behind you and want do you want in front of you?

Watch your language! How is it serving you right now?

 

 

Seven Ways to Grow Through Uncertainty…

By , January 23, 2013 6:07 pm

“People who live their dreams have big, wide-open hearts and the rapier focus of a secret agent on a precarious mission. They do not sweat in the heat. They do not run because of a tabby cat’s shadow in the alley. They no longer fear disappointment or disruption. They meet uncertainty with certainty.”

 

~ Tama Kieves, Author, This Time I Dance!

I’m coaching several people who are going through big changes in their lives just now. As they continue to step forward and uplevel in the direction of their dreams they meet resistance, feel fear and sometimes progress is slow.

It’s times like this when your mind can work overtime inventing stories of how things won’t work out or predicting how you’re going to fail. The voices in your head fill your thoughts with insecurity and doubt.

Resistance can be a dream-killer, if you allow it to take hold and unleash its power. Insecurity and doubt enter through the cracks in our self-belief. We begin to question our intuition, as everything seems to go on red alert that this is the signal for the beginning of the end!

Uncertainty makes you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

You may have experienced times when no one wanted to hire you or your services, or you received negative feedback about the very thing you’re trying to create, or everyone seems to be forming an orderly queue, waiting in line to criticise you. It sometimes feels like everything external is against you!

It’s easy to succumb to the illusion that these external things have the power to steal your strength and resolve and make you weak.

But… only if you choose to let them!

If you want to be successful, you have to face these challenges head on and work through them. They are a natural part of stepping up and creating a bigger life.

I’ve learned to see uncertainty and resistance as internal growing pains, where you get to make defining decisions, call upon your will power, and seek extra support. They are opportunities for growth and you can succeed through them.

You are literally growing from the inside-out…

The truth is that every successful person will encounter obstacles, negative reactions and slow patches along their journey. The key thing is to know that it is happening for a reason:  growth.

Here are a few tips on how to grow through uncertainty and resistance:

Shake it off! I was queuing for airport security recently and a toddler was being grumpy and whiney. His Mum told him to stand still and ‘shake it off.’ The little boy did exactly that:  he stood still and shook his hands, feet and then his whole body, releasing all that negative energy and tension. He then gave his Mum a hug! This technique acted as a circuit breaker to shift his state of mind and change his behaviour. Shake off your negative thoughts. I’ve tried it – it works!

Awaken your clarity. Re-align with your intention/dream and re-connect to the reasons WHY you are doing what you are doing and how it will make you feel when you have achieved it. What difference will it make? Get clear and re-decide want you want.

Know that your intuition isn’t shot! When we perceive that things aren’t going well we stop trusting out intuition. Know that your intuition is working perfectly and have faith to tune back into it. Deep inside there is a knowing that all is well and that you are much more than your fear. Listen to your intuition – it is such a powerful source from within. Have faith and believe in yourself.

You are not alone. Sometimes you’ve done all you can to change a situation. The next step might be to face the fear and deal with it directly. You might get the help of a healer or coach to help you reach through to find your courage and restore your gritted determination to succeed. Remember, you are not alone.

Stop resisting and lean in. Sometimes it’s about being honest, open and leaning into the truth. Crying is a great energy release that frees and liberates our souls from those bottled up emotions. It’s a release value that can act as a catalyst for change. Honest feedback can increase your self-awareness and shift your perspective. Make space to allow for your growing pains. Have self-compassion.

Keep moving in the direction of your dream. Constantly reset your mind for success. Your thinking influences your success. Your energy and consistency is so important. Trust in the greater good and remember that things don’t always go to plan. We screw up and make mistakes sometimes. Continue with forward motion.

Keep perspective. One event has nothing to do with the rest of the breadth and depth of your life. It’s easy to string things together, make assumptions and imagine that the Universe is conspiring against you. This doesn’t empower you and you’ll get stuck in your story. Ask yourself, what are you trying to make this mean about you and your life? Keep things real and in perspective and put your energy to positive work.

You will emerge from uncertainty clearer, stronger and empowered. The cycle will continue and you may revisit the same pattern again in the future but from a higher level of experience as you continue to grow towards your dream.

Keep growing!

 

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