Posts tagged: Confidence

Five ways to protect your confidence

By , June 20, 2013 7:15 pm

Thermometer - Confidence Level“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.” 

~ Ralph Waldo Emmerson

I love this quotation because it reminds me that growing and making change comes from taking action. Creating forward motion almost always brings criticism with it. Why? Because taking action tests the boundaries of our own beliefs and the beliefs of others, as we step out of our comfort zone to create a new normal.

It’s normal to feel a little ‘wobbly’ or scared when you are taking charge of your life and making some changes. After all, you are leaving behind what you already know to make a transition in a different direction.

This takes courage.

It’s easy to doubt yourself and lose confidence when others around you are telling you that you are wrong. Friends and family might criticize your decision. Someone else might be doing what you do in a different way, but it doesn’t feel congruent or authentic. Yet you still feel the pressure of how they are doing it because they seem to be getting results. Do you copy them? Or do you carve your own path and do it your own unique way?

Everyone has opinions of what you should do, but here’s the thing – their opinion of you or what you are doing is theirs and not yours! And their opinion doesn’t have to become your own reality.

You get to make your own decisions and you are accountable for the choices you make and the actions you take. You don’t need to ask for permission.

In my experience, most people underestimate their potential and play safe by reaching out for what is within their grasp, rather than stretching and aiming higher. The danger is that you settle for mediocre and what you have rather than what you could create.

As you grow, expect a few obstacles along the way. When you take action you create ripples of change in the energy around you. It’s very tempting to succumb to the belief that your critics were right after all. Especially if you feel tired and things are feeling a little harder.

Here are five ways to protect your confidence while taking consistent action towards your goals and dreams:

1. Surround yourself with the right people – Jim Rohn once said that you are the average of the five people who you spend most of your time with – we become like them. Growth thrives in a positive encouraging environment. Leave the naysayers and negative people behind. Associate with like-minded, nurturing, encouraging and supportive people. As you experience new things you will encounter difficulties. Having a positive sounding board will help you through. Surround yourself with positive people who are authentic, have integrity, and who are the after of your before. They will lift you up.

2. Listen to your body – Your physical needs also affect your confidence. Be fully present in your body and listen to it when you are tired, hungry or dehydrated. These three things can have a huge impact on your confidence. Their absence will have a negative affect on your attitude and state of mind. Take a break, eat healthily and look after yourself. Tired and exhausted people are rarely successful. Take a break – go for a walk!

3. Keep going and keep growing – Life is about the present moment. What you do NOW influences who you will become in the future. It starts NOW! Get clear on what’s important and create a plan of consistent action – one step at a time. You become an expert by taking time to learn about your passion. Increasing skills and competence will help you to feel more confident each and every day. Get good at what you do by practicing it imperfectly. Experience is a great teacher and can lead to significant growth.

4. Take personal responsibility for your thinking Choose to be courageous. Don’t be distracted by external noise – stay on course. Focus on your truth and what is important for you. Have faith in your intuition and believe in YOU. Learn to recognize your own emotions and their impact. Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions, strengths and limitations. Recognize how negative patterns can feel overwhelming and cause you distress. This is known as an amygdala hijack and it’s just your Lizard Brain trying to protect you. Learn to reframe these quickly.

5. Re-decide – Remind yourself of your WHY and in the face of self-doubt, get clear again. Make being authentic your number one goal and stick with it. Allow courage to overcome any fear. Don’t let fear rule your decisions, just because somebody has challenged you. People WILL push up against you – especially when you’re doing something different. Learn to rescue yourself and step back in alignment with your vision every day.

How are you protecting your confidence?

 

 

Seven Ways to Grow Through Uncertainty…

By , January 23, 2013 6:07 pm

“People who live their dreams have big, wide-open hearts and the rapier focus of a secret agent on a precarious mission. They do not sweat in the heat. They do not run because of a tabby cat’s shadow in the alley. They no longer fear disappointment or disruption. They meet uncertainty with certainty.”

 

~ Tama Kieves, Author, This Time I Dance!

I’m coaching several people who are going through big changes in their lives just now. As they continue to step forward and uplevel in the direction of their dreams they meet resistance, feel fear and sometimes progress is slow.

It’s times like this when your mind can work overtime inventing stories of how things won’t work out or predicting how you’re going to fail. The voices in your head fill your thoughts with insecurity and doubt.

Resistance can be a dream-killer, if you allow it to take hold and unleash its power. Insecurity and doubt enter through the cracks in our self-belief. We begin to question our intuition, as everything seems to go on red alert that this is the signal for the beginning of the end!

Uncertainty makes you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

You may have experienced times when no one wanted to hire you or your services, or you received negative feedback about the very thing you’re trying to create, or everyone seems to be forming an orderly queue, waiting in line to criticise you. It sometimes feels like everything external is against you!

It’s easy to succumb to the illusion that these external things have the power to steal your strength and resolve and make you weak.

But… only if you choose to let them!

If you want to be successful, you have to face these challenges head on and work through them. They are a natural part of stepping up and creating a bigger life.

I’ve learned to see uncertainty and resistance as internal growing pains, where you get to make defining decisions, call upon your will power, and seek extra support. They are opportunities for growth and you can succeed through them.

You are literally growing from the inside-out…

The truth is that every successful person will encounter obstacles, negative reactions and slow patches along their journey. The key thing is to know that it is happening for a reason:  growth.

Here are a few tips on how to grow through uncertainty and resistance:

Shake it off! I was queuing for airport security recently and a toddler was being grumpy and whiney. His Mum told him to stand still and ‘shake it off.’ The little boy did exactly that:  he stood still and shook his hands, feet and then his whole body, releasing all that negative energy and tension. He then gave his Mum a hug! This technique acted as a circuit breaker to shift his state of mind and change his behaviour. Shake off your negative thoughts. I’ve tried it – it works!

Awaken your clarity. Re-align with your intention/dream and re-connect to the reasons WHY you are doing what you are doing and how it will make you feel when you have achieved it. What difference will it make? Get clear and re-decide want you want.

Know that your intuition isn’t shot! When we perceive that things aren’t going well we stop trusting out intuition. Know that your intuition is working perfectly and have faith to tune back into it. Deep inside there is a knowing that all is well and that you are much more than your fear. Listen to your intuition – it is such a powerful source from within. Have faith and believe in yourself.

You are not alone. Sometimes you’ve done all you can to change a situation. The next step might be to face the fear and deal with it directly. You might get the help of a healer or coach to help you reach through to find your courage and restore your gritted determination to succeed. Remember, you are not alone.

Stop resisting and lean in. Sometimes it’s about being honest, open and leaning into the truth. Crying is a great energy release that frees and liberates our souls from those bottled up emotions. It’s a release value that can act as a catalyst for change. Honest feedback can increase your self-awareness and shift your perspective. Make space to allow for your growing pains. Have self-compassion.

Keep moving in the direction of your dream. Constantly reset your mind for success. Your thinking influences your success. Your energy and consistency is so important. Trust in the greater good and remember that things don’t always go to plan. We screw up and make mistakes sometimes. Continue with forward motion.

Keep perspective. One event has nothing to do with the rest of the breadth and depth of your life. It’s easy to string things together, make assumptions and imagine that the Universe is conspiring against you. This doesn’t empower you and you’ll get stuck in your story. Ask yourself, what are you trying to make this mean about you and your life? Keep things real and in perspective and put your energy to positive work.

You will emerge from uncertainty clearer, stronger and empowered. The cycle will continue and you may revisit the same pattern again in the future but from a higher level of experience as you continue to grow towards your dream.

Keep growing!

 

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