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By elaine, March 20, 2013 7:01 pm

“How much of human life is lost in waiting”.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, Lecturer and Poet

What are you waiting for just now?

• The perfect client to walk through the door
• That promotion I was promised
• The right person to come into my life
• The right time to leave my current job
• For someone to notice the great work I’m doing
• One more course or workshop that will teach me how to be a ……….

…These are just a few examples.

When you think about it we are ALL waiting for something…

I remember walking Belle the black labrador with my Dad on the beach at Alborough as if it were only yesterday (The reality is it was probably 25 years ago!).

We’d often talk about the children stories he was writing and how all the characters (The Camblesforth Bunnies) were getting into mischief! He talked about how One day he’d publish these books. One day he’d find out what needed to be done. One day he’d share them with the world.

My Dad was in a waiting room that lasted the rest of his lifetime.

These stories are still in a folder waiting…

He’d written and illustrated a series of short stories. One day as we were walking he told me that he was waiting for the right person to come along to give him the nudge and make things happen.

That person never showed up.

Sometimes the person you’re waiting isn’t going to show (they might not even exist) because the only person you are really waiting for is YOU.

I was coaching an executive this week whose long-term dream was possibly coming true: Her boss had been preparing her to step into his shoes. Suddenly he had decided to leave. This was the director’s role she’d always wanted. She now needed to step out and demonstrate that she was ready to secure the  secondment as a director. It was everything she’s been working towards.

You’d think she’d be excited and buzzing…

Now, she faced her own resistance of self worth and self-doubt and her confidence dipped. As the fear of stepping up became real, she started to push the role away…

Sometimes we create a false ceiling to hold us back because we just might actually pull it off! Fear kicks in and we create limiting beliefs that get in our own way of success. Gay Hendricks in his book called the Big Leap – calls this an Upper Limit Problem. We sabotage our own success because of our discomfort of a hidden fear inside that wants to keep up playing small. Our Lizard Brain is working overtime to protect us!  This is the last obstacle between you and success.

I believe that my Dad had an upper limit problem with his books. He’d got so far, then he got scared. The fear was enough for him to put the idea a side and allow himself to be distracted by something else.

What are you waiting for just now?

What would it be like if you decided to stop waiting and take a step towards what you want to create or have in your life?

I see opportunities as grains of sand in an hourglass… The hourglass turned when you were born and the grains of sand are falling through and slipping away.

Life is short and it’s easy to put things off because we believe that we have all the time in the world and we can come back to it and do it later.

…All you have is NOW… Now is where you can make things happen.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. What are you waiting for just now?
2. Why are you waiting?
3. What is holding you back (is it real or perceived)?
4. What would it be like if you decided to stop waiting and take a step towards what you want to to achieve in your life?
5. What is the very first step you could take today?

You can choose to leave your waiting room – Reach through your fear to find the courage to take your very next step.

Remember… Courage is ALWAYS waiting at the other side of fear.

Don’t waste your life waiting…

Take a moment to think about this today…

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By elaine, March 13, 2013 3:36 pm

The No. 1 common challenge for many of my coaching clients is the problem of getting things done!

Most of us have been on numerous time management workshops and read books on the subject. We know what we should do, but we still can’t seem to apply the strategy consistently.

Having the tools, processes or strategy is one thing…Setting your thinking and programming your inner dialogue for success is another!

Here are the top five reasons for not getting things done that I’ve experienced when coaching and training my clients (Oh! And I’ve observed a few of them in myself too!):

Overcomplicating things – It’s easy to become overwhelmed and create a complex strategy for something that is relatively simple. If you have too much to remember: doing this, not doing that and worrying about the other, then you become anxious and worn out and nothing gets done. You’ll look for other distractions.

You keep a complex plan in your head – You add to the problem by trying to keep a complex plan in your head. Relying on your brain as a storage device to remember EVERYTHING doesn’t work! Have you ever thought you’d remember stuff, then when you’ve gone back to it later, you can’t remember the detail and have to start all over again?

“I’m just not very organized…” This label is an excuse to give you permission to stay stuck. The reality is that you are VERY organized at being UNORGANIZED: You are following entrenched old habits and patterns. They just take you to a negative outcome. You’re just organizing the wrong things! See the pattern here? You may feel out of control, perhaps your emotions have taken over.

Quality of your inner dialogue – If I say to you: ‘Don’t think of the colour blue…’ What do you do first? You think of blue before you decide not to think about it! So if you’re saying to yourself: ‘I mustn’t forget to…’ you are programming yourself to forget! This is known as a bad command in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) terms. If you repeat this to yourself, you are likely to forget! You are focusing on forgetting rather than remembering!

You are too busy to think about it – You are stuck in the ‘do-do’ of doing and don’t take time to think something through to decide how you might do it differently. You wallow in procrastination. Thinking seems too easy to do so you resist or you perceive that it’s not a valuable use of time.

Here are some potential solutions:

1. Clear out the mental clutter – You can over-plan and over-strategize. So step back and get rid of the clutter. You might have far too many steps in the process, or you’re going into too much detail.

• Lighten the load by simplifying your process.
• Place high value on simplicity!
• Look for an easier route. You have to choose the right strategy for the situation.

2. Get out of your own way – Are you fighting with yourself, getting caught up in drama and creating feelings that are sabotaging your progress? Notice what is going on inside – write it down. You don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself.

• Become organized at being organized!
• What needs to change?
• What would being organized look like for you?
• Lose the label and dump the excuse of being unorganized.

You can do this!

3. Change your language – Listen to your inner dialogue. Are you giving yourself bad commands? Remember if you’re saying to yourself: ‘Don’t forget to call Jenny.’ You are actually saying: ‘Forget to call Jenny.’ You are more likely to forget! Change the quality of your inner dialogue by turning it around to something like: ‘I will remember to phone Jenny today.’ Give yourself commands in a positive way.

4. Make time to think it through – Allow thinking time! Use visualization as a tool to set your mind for success. See yourself making the call to Jenny:

• What are you saying?
• When are you calling her?
• Walk this through in your mind several times.
• Then take action straight away to make it happen.
• Make a post-it note and keep it in sight so this call is your mental radar today.

You are re-training your brain to get things done. Simple strategies work well. Think simple!

5. Attitude changes everything – To change your thinking you need to change your perspective towards the situation. The situation IS the situation, it doesn’t change – you are wherever you are right now. If you know that this is something you should do, then change your attitude towards it. This is what is holding you back.

• What would it be like to be in control or on top of this situation?
• What are you doing?
• What are you saying?
• How are you acting?
• How will you feel when you’ve completed it?
• What difference will it make?

Having a coach can help take responsibility for getting things done.

Clear out the rubbish in your current strategies for getting things done, stop fighting yourself, listening to your negative inner dialogue, and getting lost in the mountain of steps in your process.

Simplicity is everything! Look for a more effortless path and don’t be so hard on yourself!

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By elaine, October 24, 2012 3:53 pm

“One word expresses the pathway to greatness: voice. Those on this path find their voice and inspire others to find theirs. The rest never do.”

 ~ Stephen R Covey, Author.

Many of us struggle when trying to influence others (sometimes we can’t even influence ourselves!)

One of the key elements of influencing is credibility.

You may have heard the saying: perception is reality – Other people judge you by your actions (what you do, what you say or how you act) and NOT by your intentions. Your behavior has a huge impact on your credibility.

You are your demonstrated behavior…

I’m often asked the question: How can I build my personal credibility?

Just because you’re CEO of your company or a manager/team leader in your department, this doesn’t mean that others will listen to you. Credibility isn’t guaranteed – you have to create it.

Sometimes you can leverage your expertise or use your status to influence others. You also may have witnessed where this power is over used (usually when someone’s ego kicks in and they become power-crazed!).

One often overlooked power-base is integral to your credibility (and authenticity): your personal power. It can be very effective.

I believe that we all are all born with unlimited personal power. Life bestows this gift upon us. As kids, we test it out in its purest form. Over time our personal power is shaped by cultural, social and parental influences around us.

These create layers of structure and conditioning that teach us how to blend and fit in. We unconsciously follow what is ‘acceptable’ behavior for someone in that role being influenced by those who we perceive to have authority around us.

 We are taught to keep our head down, be a ‘good employee’ and we blend into to our surroundings. Our own personal power is pushed down and subdued.

Sometimes we play small, perhaps over-awed by the perceived power of others. We become de-sensitized and numb to our own personal power, falsely believing that others have higher value and worth.

Your own personal power is ALWAYS available to you… You just have to choose to use it by becoming the power point in your life.

Here’s how to develop your Personal Power…

Clarity - People with high levels of personal power are clear and focused on what is important. They know what they want to achieve and can describe it to others. They have clear goals and take deliberate action.

Self-awareness – Most people struggle to allow their own voice to speak out. Finding your voice allows you to contribute, lead and make a difference. It is an evolving process: You don’t just wake up one morning and it’s lying next to you! You have to become a Student of YOU and go in search of it.

There are untapped talents lying dormant inside all of us. Tap into your strengths: What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? What are you passionate about? Build on your strengths by looking for opportunities to use them in your daily work. Share them with others: I have value…Here’s how I can help.

Energy and Enthusiasm - Energy and enthusiasm are linked. They feed off each other and are key components of personal power. Successful, positive people have an abundance of energy. Enthusiasm is infectious: What are you infecting the people around you with??

Empathy - Understanding the other person’s map of the world, as they see it, is hugely important if you want to influence them effectively. If I believe that you understand me I will be more open and honest with you. Listening and understanding is important because people buy off people they know, like and trust. Genuinely show that you care. This isn’t about YOU… It’s ALL ABOUT THEM. Tune in to the people you are serving – Get to know them.

By being empathic you are demonstrating that you understand and respect their point of view (Even if you disagree). You are giving them value, showing you care by being authentic.

Self-belief - You are what you believe. Your thinking is YOUR reality. People with high levels of personal power believe in their vision and take deliberate action to make things happen. Learn how to reframe your limiting beliefs and change your thinking. Become the power point in your life. Believing in yourself makes you credible to others.

Lead the way – You don’t need formal authority to lead – Our conditioning just makes us falsely believe this. Stop waiting to be one of the ‘chosen few.’ Decide to step into your power and be proactive rather than reactive. Stop waiting for someone to give you permission to lead. Self-leadership begins from the inside out. Lead yourself and others will follow… Just be YOU!

Look for support  - A coach can help you develop and leverage your personal power. This can make a huge difference to your confidence and success.

Re-connect to your personal power.

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By elaine, October 1, 2012 9:35 pm

“This is YOUR life. You are responsible for it. You will not live forever. Don’t wait. Make the time now.” 

 Natalie Goldberg, author.

A few years ago a HR Director asked me to come into her organisation to coach a senior executive called John, who desperately wanted to be a director.

John was a technical expert in his field but had no idea how to interact and lead people. He lacked self-awareness and empathy.

He struggled with people skills and had upset a lot of people. Some of his own team had even complained to HR about his behaviour and approach.

I was brought in to help him to develop his emotional intelligence – He was a very talented guy.

When I met him for the first time, he was sat behind his big desk with his hands behind his head. The first words he said to me were:

“Hello dear, now aren’t you the girlie who’s going to make me a director?!”

I politely explained that I wasn’t going to MAKE him a director. He was going to make himself a director, but that was totally up to him and only if he REALLY WANTED to do the work!

As a coach one of the hardest things to coach is responsibility and ownership…

You cannot make someone change – they have got to want to change.

There have been occasions when I’ve wanted success for my clients more than they have wanted it for themselves… I am responsible to my clients as a coach but THEY are responsible for their own results – In other words…They have to do the work!

My client has to take it, walk the talk and own their own results.

Forward motion, stretching out of your comfort zone and making change all begins from the inside. It’s not something that can be done to you.

There is a huge difference between interest and commitment…

…Your success is totally down to YOU.

Your business, career, aspirations, relationships, family time and fun time are ALL down to you.

It’s your choice…

Some people like to whine, moan and collude about what is not working and how it’s someone else’s fault. In fact, it’s a full time occupation for some people! It’s okay to get things off your chest, as long as a line is drawn and the individual then steps into their power to take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

Here’s how Stop Blaming and Start Claiming Responsibility for Your Results:

Own your results – Being successful in work and life is ALL about your relationship with YOU. It’s about taking responsibility for the thoughts you are thinking, the feelings you are creating and the actions you are choosing to take. Remember you create your own outcomes and you ALWAYS have a choice.

Stop blaming everyone else – It’s socially acceptable to blame someone else. It’s easy to point the finger and blame other people or circumstances because it conveniently allows you to remain stuck and play small. You create a barrier of external excuses of: why I wasn’t successful or how everyone else has got it in for me (victim mentality). Blaming others is your ego’s way of avoiding ownership and responsibility for something that has or hasn’t happened!

Be the power point in your life – Claim your power back and STOP waiting for someone else to make things happen. I always used to give my power away to others, expecting them to save me. My coach made me realize that I was the power point in my life and that I had to get out of my story and claim my power back. I learned the importance of clarity, the power of intention and that I always get to choose. I have  to re-decide each day to keep making forward motion towards my goals and dreams.

Stop trying to change others – Don’t wait for someone else to change – because you’ll be waiting a very long time! It’s all about you and how you show up. Get back on track and take responsibility for what you can do. Get out of other people’s stories and focus on what is important to you – Your goals and dreams. Use that energy instead to make things happen.

Your ability to respond – I’m sure you’ve heard this before. Responsibility IS your ability to respond. This is all about increasing your self-awareness and knowing when things aren’t going well, choosing a different approach, even when you don’t feel like it… This is TRUE self-leadership. Lead yourself through by taking responsibility and ownership for your actions and results. And remeber that it’s okay to be imperfect!

Yes…taking responsibility can be painful at times, but it always brings you back to your true self.

Owning your power changes your life.

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By elaine, March 28, 2012 6:27 pm

“Bad meetings, and what they indicate and provoke in an organization, generate real human suffering in the form of anger, lethargy, and cynicism. An while this certainly has a profound impact on organizational life, it also impacts people’s self-esteem, their families, and their outlook on life.”

~ Patrick Lencioni, Author

Have you ever attended one of these?

“I could get my work done, if I didn’t have to go to so many pointless meetings!” ~ John, a coaching client. He went on to summarise that most of the meetings he attended were unfocused, lethargic and boring, but a necessity of business life.

I can remember attending many meetings in my corporate life that were frustrating and pointless. Yet I was told that had to endure them because it was part of my job.

I remember a low point once where ‘Fun’ was listed as an agenda item and we were actually forced to ‘enjoy’ a team game as part of a meeting. Have you ever pretended to have fun? – It’s counter-productive. If you ever get to this stage you need to step back and explore WHY you’re contemplating this as an agenda item in the first place. It might be because of some of the reasons below…

Why are meetings so painful and unproductive?

…Because they are! – Acceptance that part of the process of doing business involves the tedium of attending meetings. You have to go through the ritual of attending to get the job done. Many people believe that meetings are bad in every company so it’s just the way it works in business. Brace yourself and just get on with it! We’ve got used to hating them!

Lack of ownership – Participants attend with the mindset that it’s something that is done to them rather than taking RESPONSIBILITY for the role they play and how to get the best outcomes. Mediocrity and complacency sets in. You show up because you feel you have to. You’re a silent observer and the meeting becomes passionless and dull.

Little or no leadership – Ineffective meetings happen because of the approach and attitude of the people leading them. The leader models and influences the attitude and approach of those attending. Sometimes it becomes a forum to exercise the ego of the highest ranking person in the room. The focus is lost as individuals drift off-piste to satisfy their own agenda or because they’re bored! Participants aren’t sure of their role: should I be debating? Discussing? Brainstorming? Or listening?

Boring – If you had nothing else to do with your time, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to spend it in a dry, tedious un-engaging meeting with some people that you might not even like that much! Sitting and listening for long periods of time to uninspiring content is monotonous. Every one moans that it’s boring – but no one does anything about it. It’s a ritual to attend every week. People are scared to give an opinion or challenge – so they sit like nodding dogs. Poor decisions are made as a consequence. Awkward situations are avoided by staying quiet, nodding where appropriate and writing your weekly shopping list!

No structure – The regular staff meeting is a classic example of this. Weekly? Monthly? Where everyone gets together for an unfocused random discussion about everything! There’s little clarity about topics and there’s no context for discussion. Individuals literally check out.

Pressure and anxiety – Most people have loads of other things to do. Attending a bad meeting only amplifies the anxiety and pain. Focus on the meeting is lost and you start thinking about how you could use this wasted time. If it’s a conference call – you’re probably multi-tasking doing your emails at the same time! You’re not used to sitting still and doing just one thing at a time so it’s easy to get distracted.

Recognise any of these?

Harvard Business School a few years ago claimed that over 50% of meetings are a waste of time…

Here’s the thing…

It’s possible to make meetings compelling, engaging, interactive and productive. It starts with changing the mindset of those attending and involves a little re-thinking on how to manage them effectively. Here are some of the benefits: Better decisions, improved morale, shorter time away from your desk, better results and increased value.

Which meeting would you rather attend?

(More tips soon on how to make meetings engaging, interesting and productive)

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By elaine, March 7, 2012 8:02 pm

“The difference between success and failure isn’t the absence of fear but the determination to pursue your heart’s desires no matter how scared you are.”

~Martha Beck, Author and Coach – Finding your Own North Star

Sometimes I feel like quitting!

The last time was a few weeks ago after my cat died suddenly. I’ve had three deaths in the last six months and was getting sick to death of death! I’d reached the “WTF!” stage. I felt like giving it all up throwing my laptop away and getting a job in a tea shop. I could happily spend my days serving cups of tea and chatting to customers. Blissfully avoiding any responsibility!

How many times have you felt like giving up, throwing the towel in and running away to start a new life or career?

Monthly?

Weekly?

Daily?!

Life isn’t always easy. There are times when things get difficult and we struggle with loss, uncertainty and doubt.

Quitting is always an option especially you’re faced with what seem like impossible challenges.

Here’s the thing…

There is a difference between TALKING about quitting and ACTUALLY quitting…

One involves THOUGHT the other ACTION.

The truth is that EVERYONE FEELS like giving up at some point. We all hit a roadblock that’s hard to get around:

• You’re scared to begin because you might fail
• You’re riddled with uncertainty and doubt – Especially when things become murky or unclear.
• You’re questioning whether you were really cut out for this after all?
• You’re feeling like a dumb-ass for giving up your well paid job to go it alone and now no one’s knocking at your door for your services!
• You’re repeatedly asking yourself WTF am I doing?!
• You have more excuses for not carrying on than reasons for carrying on
• You’re questioning the answers the Universe appears to be showing you just now!

Fear and doubt are dream killers and in moments of uncertainty it’s easy to allow them to erode our confidence and win-out. We want assurances on how things are going to turn out and when these aren’t available we become uncomfortable with taking action. We hesitate our energy drains away and up pop the excuses. Avoidance strategies kick in and we skulk back to hide in our comfort zone, waiting for either divine intervention or for someone else to save us!

We stop being successful…

This lack of energy towards your goal reinforces the limiting beliefs that “I’m not cut out for this…” and you become locked into a lack-mindset.

These are the defining moments that make us question and challenge ourselves. You have a choice between Getting Out and Going Deeper in.

Here’s what to do when you feel like quitting:

1. Take responsibility. Let go of any excuses and accept where you are right now. You might not be able to influence what has happened in the past, but you can influence the present and shape future outcomes. Stop blaming others, the recession or the moon being in retrograde! Dust yourself off and get back in the saddle.

2. Get in touch with your passion. Re-align to your dream. WHY do you want to do this? Re-ignite the flame burning deep within you. You CAN do this but ONLY if you REALLY WANT to. Take time to re-connect and renew your energy. Get giddy about your intention!

3. Get out of your own way. Recognise the voices in your head as naysayers who are not real! Change your thinking because it will change your results. Check the quality of your inner dialogue and only allow space for positive language. Create goal cards or affirmation statements to re-focus your attention. Use the problem as raw materials for the solution. Instead of asking: Can I really do this? Ask “How can I do this?”

4. Be disciplined. An idea will ALWAYS remain just an idea unless you create systems and habits that enable you to take deliberate action. Plan your next step and take conscious step by step action to make it happen. Create systems to help you show up and be 100% present and committed.

5. Get some help. Having a coach as a sounding board and mirror to reflect back your behaviour really helps you to blast through any roadblocks and challenges. Having someone on your side makes ALL the difference and stops you feeling isolated and alone.

The grief that I was going through wasn’t a mistake I was on the verge of huge transformation. Grief, silence, emptiness is a gift AND it’s the hardest thing to go through, especially when you just want to run away. I was working through my deepest fear – Loss.

What I realised was that there is NO GETTING OUT, I had to walk DEEPER IN. Loss wasn’t the enemy I was being broken open for transformation. I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable but getting out wasn’t an option. Grief has a way of peeling back the bullshit and getting you closer to the core of who you are. As you let go and things fall away a new deeper level emerges.

Grow into your challenges by Going Deeper into the uncertainly and the unknown. The solutions for success are waiting to be found as you to connect deeper to your authentic self.

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By elaine, December 31, 2011 11:52 am

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it’s an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

~ Bob Moawad

I always get chills when I read this quotation… It reminds me about taking RESPONSIBILITY and how easy it is to ‘blow it off’ and blame someone else for me not achieving my goals or creating opportunities in my life.This got me thinking about goals and making things happen.

Okay… As it’s that time of year again let’s talk about New Year’s Resolutions for a few minutes.

A few months ago I read a study by Gallop and USA Today. It stated that New Year’s Resolutions don’t actually work:

25% are broken within the first week.

53% are broken within three months.

92% are broken by the mid-end of the year.

While these statistics are common knowledge and available to everyone – How many of us still pitch up on New Years Eve and set the same old Resolutions adding the declaimer: “…Ah! But THIS year it’ll be different!”

According to the research here are the reasons WHY people break them:

1. We set unrealistic expectations
2. We weren’t really committed
3. We were looking for a quick fix

Which of these have you used in the past?

(I’m guilty of all three!)

Here’s the thing…

Most goals involve discipline and persistence to make them happen. Without taking conscious sustainable action your goals are just wishes. …And we’re all very good at creating ‘wish lists!’

So here are five ways to make 2012 the MOST Brilliant Year Yet:

1. Set your intention on multi-levels – The reason most resolutions don’t work is that they address only one level of your life. 
It doesn’t address the core of the issue. 

Often they are set from the OUTSIDE-IN not from the INSIDE-OUT. That’s why most diets don’t work and why gyms are always busy in January! You set off with a good intention but you’re focused only on the doing not the thinking or feelings behind the intention. So as soon as it gets difficult, out come the excuses and we stall. Understand your WHY as well as what needs to be done. Sustainable change happens when you engage thinking, feeling and action – You get the desired results.
2. Be Committed and take FULL responsibility – Are you committed or interested? Well? Which one are you in relation to your intention? There is a huge difference between the two. You have to be committed for things to happen. Even when you don’t feel like it. Growing and changing requires two very important ingredients: DISCIPLINE and PERSISTENCE. (A great coach will help you to stay accountable!) Take 100% RESPONSIBILITY for your life. Decide to BE excuse free in 2012.
3. Quick Fixes Don’t Work! – We live in a world of quick fixes and short-term goals. We want results NOW! Some goals take time to achieve so we become impatient and frustrated. Short-term fixes don’t create sustainable change. Sometimes we set an overwhelming goal before we begin. E.g. lose 20lbs in weight. It’s unrealistic. Write down your goal. Break it down into smaller milestones and do-able steps. Set timeframes and deadlines. This gives you something realistic to aim for in the shorter term. You create forward motion.
4. Believe and Achieve – Have faith.  Wishing keeps your goal out there somewhere. When it’s external to us it’s much easier to come up with excuses and reasons not to achieve it. You have to believe to achieve. Set your mind for success. If you don’t believe it will happen – I guarantee that you’ll never achieve it.
5. Choose a word to help you navigate your year – This is a powerful journal-writing tool that will get you clear and focused as this New Year begins. I have used it for the last three years. It will help you set the most authentic and powerful intention for yourself and your success in 2012! I use my word as a touchstone to re-align myself to my goals throughout the year. Click here to download this awesome tool.

Don’t become one of these statistics in 2012… How are you going to make a different difference in the next twelve months?

TODAY could be the day that your life REALLY begins – Don’t waste it!