Category: Inner Critic

How to Handle Resistance to Change

By , September 18, 2013 5:59 pm

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Handling resistance to change is a common challenge for many of us.

As a coach, resistance is something that often comes up for people.

The uncertainty of learning something new can make us feel vulnerable, because taking action tests the boundaries of our own beliefs and can push up against the beliefs of others. You’re leaving behind what you already know to make a transition in a different direction – This takes courage.

Whenever we feel threatened or judged our cells go on red alert and the body floods with adrenaline. All your senses are heightened, you feel mistrustful and on guard. You become defensive and you seek control and security.

It creates self-doubt, procrastination, fear, low self-esteem and even self-sabotage in any aspect of your life. You become defensive and self-protective – seeing the problem as ‘out there’ (external).

Your Lizard brain kicks in for self-preservation. You shrink into fear-mode. Your negative emotion warns you that you are self-sabotaging your goals and desires. You might become the victim and replay stories from the past to reinforce just how much of a loser you really are. You’re like a deer in headlights. You may withdraw or exclude yourself from anything that feels dangerous or bad.

I imagine resistance as a creature like Gollum in Lord of the Rings! He has long gnarled fingers and lurks around in the corners of your mind feeding off your Lizard brain – that niggling voice in the back of your head making you feel dysfunctional, insecure, vulnerable, disempowered, or unloved: “Who do you think you are?!”

When you are locked in resistance there is no room for growth because your consciousness is constricted. Being afraid of uncertainty and change makes you repeat the same old patterns of behaviour:

  • FLIGHT – Stay external and become a people pleaser trying hard to help everyone else, accommodating others and keeping busy. Coaches are very good at coaching others instead of looking for someone to coach them through their own resistance.
  • FIGHT – Blame, criticize, attack, control or manipulate others seeing them as wrong.
  • FREEZE – Spin your wheels, withdraw, don’t let anyone in or close down so that you can feel safe. Collapse into a coach so they can ‘fix’ you.

All three options keep the problem at arms length: external.

There’s no room here for creativity. Suddenly failure becomes an option and you’re really scared.

Resistance can kill your goals and dreams and destroy your confidence all at the same time.

The truth is that EVERYONE has THAT voice (Gollum) in his or her head in the same way that everyone breathes. Resistance is natural and part of your human defenses.

If you’ve grown up with this then, according to Stephanie Mills (author), the more protection becomes an habitual way of being: you look out for threats, then attack, defend or close down. It feels like family!

Resistance is just testing your resolve. It’s part of the process. Here’s how to handle resistance to change:

1. Awareness – That you actually created your own resistance. You are getting in your own way. Eckhart Tolle says that: “awareness and ego cannot co-exist.” Self-awareness encourages your authentic self to be at the centre of your experience. Recognising that you are in resistance can help you to release it. You can override it at any time by taking conscious action. You get to choose whether you stay stuck or not.

2. Are you operating from fear or love? We all have the capability to act from either of these two states of awareness. Both are built into what I call your ‘Fizz’ (physiology) and psychology. Where are your thoughts operating from:

  • Protection or growth?
  • Closing down or opening up?
  • Judgment or acceptance?
  • Control or trust?
  • Old habits or new ideas?
  • Criticism or appreciation?

You get to choose!

3. What’s your WHY? – Getting clear on your intention or goal can dissolve any fear associated with your resistance. Reconnect to your passion and draw energy from it by answering the following two questions and use these as your touchstones as you’re working through:

  • WHY do I want to do this?
  • How badly do I want to succeed?

4. Fight resistance with assistance! Get some support from like-minded people. A coach can help you to recognize your resistance and help you to challenge and overcome it. Being in the presence of encouragers is so important when you’re trying to create new mindsets and results.

5. Accept that things go wrong – You can’t always prepare for and sometimes things don’t work. There’s a difference between quitting and feeling like quitting. Failure means that we are growing – it’s all about learning. You get to figure it out. Work the problem to create your solution.

The more important your call to action, the greater the sense of resistance you’ll feel. It’s a natural part of life.

When you run from uncertainty, you’re actually running away from your life. If you want to create anything be it a business, a career, making a difference with your clients resistance is part of the journey… Consider it as growing pains!

 

Getting Over Rejection

By , August 14, 2013 6:25 pm

iStock_000009159104Medium“Every time I thought I was being REJECTED from something good, I was actually being RE-DIRECTED to something better.”

~ Dr Steve Maraboli

I remember PE (Physical Education) at school when the teacher would select two kids to pick their basketball team alternatively from the class. We’d all sit there waiting (and hoping) to be selected by the person doing the picking. It was an intense moment and quite soul destroying if you weren’t picked until last. The feeling of embarrassment stayed with you for the whole lesson (and probably adversely affected your ability to perform).

If you look back at your own life I’m sure you can recall times when you’ve been rejected for things:  a promotion, a job, a project, a team or even dumped by your latest boyfriend (or girlfriend) when you personally thought he (she) was THE ONE!

In the moment rejection can feel devastating.

Most of us would feel uncomfortable sharing our past rejections and failures – we keep them to ourselves because we’re frightened that we’ll be judged by them or people will think less of us. Instead, we keep those memories locked inside and only replay them in our head when we have self-doubt or uncertainty in the present.

Here’s the thing, though… We seem to forget that this happens to EVERYONE!

People get rejected and turned down all the time.

There are countless stories of courage and persistence in the public world to reinforce this. I read that Kathryn Stickett, the author of the The Help, was rejected 60 times by publishers. She went on to become a best selling author and got a film deal that ultimately won four academy awards!

Getting over rejection is a painful but a normal part of growth on our journey to success. As one door appears to slam in your face, another will open up before you. You have to dig in to find the courage to continue forward motion through your vulnerability and any letdowns.

Most people give up at this point and succumb to their limiting beliefs because they get stuck in discomfort and self doubt.

Here are a few ways to keep momentum and stay true to your goal:

1. Re-connect to your WHY. Take a little time to rest and regroup. Remind yourself of your WHY and in the face of self-doubt, get clear again. Refocus your attention on WHY you want to succeed. What will your life (or your business) look like, sound like or feel like? Allow courage to overcome any fear. Don’t let fear rule your decisions, just because somebody has challenged you. People WILL push up against you – especially when you’re doing something different. Learn to rescue yourself and step back in alignment with your vision every day.

2. Be prepared to do it scared! Live life on the EDGE… of your comfort zone! When you are growing and putting yourself out there, you are constantly challenging yourself:  stretching out of your comfort zone to create a NEW NORMAL. Stretching takes courage and tenacity because things can feel uncomfortable and it can be a little scary.  Get comfortable with uncomfortable. Choose to be courageous. Don’t be distracted by external noise – stay on course. Focus on your truth and what is important for you. Have faith in your intuition and believe in YOU.

3. Protect your confidence. This will keep you grounded and centred. Stop listening to those voices in your head because they aren’t the truth. Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions, strengths and limitations. Recognize how negative patterns can feel overwhelming and cause you distress. Let go of any emotions that are holding you back. I find journaling very useful for this. Start to recognize your own emotions and their impact. Take personal responsibility for your thinking.

See obstacles as opportunities as you navigate your journey. Rejection is just a container for growth. Inside it holds a powerful lesson that if released will make you stronger, determined and more successful.

Be honest with your feelings in the context of your work and be open to your doubts and fears. This vulnerability is a powerful learning tool if you can be open to it.

Remember… there is no destination!

Keep growing!

 

Do I Fit In or Do I Stand Out?

By , March 6, 2013 8:00 am

Stand Out “I’m stuck… I do a great job but I’m invisible to others. I’ve been told to ‘get out there more’ and promote myself – become more visible. I’m frightened of what others might think if I start talking about how good I am. Being visible feels false and fills me with fear!”

Extract from an email – Jenny, A frightened coaching client

There’s no shortage of people waiting to tell you how to fit in. They are happy to explain: ‘how we do things ’round here,’ show you what you’re doing wrong, criticize you, correct you, and offer advice.

Fitting in is the social norm. Keeping your head down and not rocking the boat creates an easier life.

This advice can be overwhelming. We are really good at creating and maintaining the status quo (especially in the UK!).

Over time, fitting in becomes the norm and standing out is perceived as arrogant, egotistical, fool hardy or career limiting. Especially in this current climate! (Yes! This excuse fits perfectly.)

So standing out is certainly a much riskier strategy… isn’t it?

Have you noticed… there’s no one pushing you to stand out? Where are these people? Often you are on your own (especially in corporate!)…

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I see fitting in and standing out like two people sat on a see saw. Our minds often struggle up and down with this:

  • Fit in too much and you’ll blend into the background. Nothing much happens. You become invisible and limit success by hiding in the shadows. Occasionally someone may get a glimpse of your true value.
  • Standing out requires you to step into the spotlight, sharing your ideas and making an emotional connection with others. As you receive exposure and attention your Lizard Brain equates this to danger (our ancestors didn’t want attention – this could mean death…). No wonder you feel resistance – all the alarm bells are going off in your amygdala!

This is what had happened to Jenny. She’s an expert in her field and does a great job (often taken for granted). She was hiding her value and only those close to her knew about it. This limited her potential and her career stagnated.

Most of us don’t have anyone to push us forward. Many of us are happy just to fit in for an easier life.

Jenny was frustrated and unhappy. She was working hard and not being recognized and the same time she was scared of being in the spotlight. Her seesaw was working overtime!

Being successful means that you sometimes have to stand out from the shadows and allow your light to shine. In Jenny’s case, she was tired of not getting the recognition she deserved. By increasing her visibility she was able to build her marketability and leverage in the business and share her value with more people.

Here’s how to stand out:

1.    Know your Biology. Understanding how your Lizard Brain tries to protect you from threat enables you to deal with any resistance. You are able to change how you think and move beyond it (I regularly coach clients through this).

2.    Create your own map. Stop being an order taker waiting for instructions from the Status Quo Committee. Create your own status quo! If you take orders you can’t create your own value and share it with others. Do it your way… chart your own path and create your own value. Be YOU.

3.    Know where you’re going. Have clarity about what you want to achieve and WHY it’s important to you.

  • What does it look like, sound like or feel like?
  • Create your own direction and plan your first step. Planning may take time but it’s time well spent.

4.    Make a deliberate choice. Your value is created by what you choose to do. Most of us know what we should do but we don’t do it. Thinking is not voluntary! Choice is about thinking and feeling, not just as a reaction in the moment when you are a victim of your thoughts. Generate possibilities and choose intentionally. Decide to overcome any anxiety or fear associated with your decision to stand out.

5.    Put the work in. Be prepared to put in whatever is necessary to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Others may criticize you – know that this is a natural part of the process. Practice, practice, practice – be imperfectly perfect you’ll make a few mistakes along the way.

6.    It’s ALL about connection. Learn how to authentically talk about what you do and the value it gives. It’s a gift to be able to serve others and help them to achieve their goals. You don’t work in a vacuum – you are doing a dis-service if you don’t share what you do with those who might need your help.

7.    Learn how to be happy. Does your work match your passion for it? Or does your passion match your work? You can’t just BE happy, but you can learn to do things in a happy way. Pay ATTENTION to enjoying the process of what you are doing. Make things enjoyable even when talking to others about what you do and how it might help them.

We’re waiting for you to walk into your spotlight and Stand out!

 

How to be YOURSELF – Even when talking to important people!

By , February 27, 2013 2:34 am

Be Yourself“Leadership is not about holding on to territory, it’s about letting go of ego, bringing your spirit to work, being your best and most authentic self.”

~ James A Autry, The Servant Leader

Why are people sometimes so afraid to be themselves?

One of the key principles of self-leadership is the importance of being you.

However, some of us hide who we really are and instead present an image of how we think the other person wants us to behave in the hope that we will be accepted or liked.

I see this happen a lot in business, especially when leaders are stepping out of their comfort zones to play a bigger game. In corporate you might be attending a meeting with senior managers. As a business owner, you might be meeting an influential client or someone who is a role model and you feel star-struck to work with them.

Whoever the person, it’s easy for us to feel small, unworthy, inferior, or of lesser value. We perceive them as being so much more important and fall to pieces in these situations instead of being our normal, confident and articulate self…

Our internal thinking has a huge impact on our confidence and self worth. Our social and parental conditioning is against us being authentic and over time we have created rules, such as:

  • It is disrespectful to disagree with our elders, seniors or those more important than us.
  • Only speak when you are spoken to: We are taught what to say, when to say it.
  • Who you are is shaped by those who have influence over you. (You hand over your power to them.)
  • Don’t brag about what you’re good at as it might make other people feel uncomfortable. Push it down… (This is why most of us struggle to talk about our own successes.)
  • You have to be submissive with people more important that you.

Society creates ‘norms’ and we measure ourselves to them. We are under pressure to fit in. So here’s how we respond:

  • You want to keep the peace and hope they like you. So you say what you think they want to hear in order to become a people-pleaser.
  • You believe that your opinion is of lesser value and doesn’t count or it doesn’t matter. You perceive the other person’s opinion is of far greater value.
  • If you challenge or disagree with something, then you’ll be shot down or seen as difficult or negative.
  • You should keep your head below the parapet and blend in.

We live up in our heads most of the time, believing our thoughts to be the truth (you literally are what you think!).

Most of us go through life not knowing who we are or what we want. We settle, survive and keep our heads down. This is easier than trying to be yourself. Being real exposes you to vulnerability and judgment – this is scary.

The perception that someone is more important than you is often based on old concepts of power, especially in business. We try to work out where we fit in in the hierarchy.

True power comes from your personal power as a human being. By building trust and support you naturally attract other people.

Here are some tips on how to be you:

1. STOP WORRYING about what other people are thinking about you. You have no idea what they are thinking. These assumptions aren’t real. They are probably not thinking about you at all! This distraction only makes you get your own way of success. Instead of worrying about what to say, or how you look, focus on your intention for the meeting. Be 100% present for the person who is talking.

2. KNOW YOUR VALUE – Be useful as a leader to those you serve. Know WHY you’re attending the meeting.  Understand the value that you bring. You are there to provide information or  expertise so that others can make an informed decision. You are helping them to understand and make sense of things and prevent them making mistakes: Here’s how I can help you…

3. BE AN EQUAL –As human beings we all have the same worth and dignity. We are all equals no matter what role we play. See yourself as a consultant, not as a sub-ordinate. Let go of ego (theirs and yours) – it’s a distraction. Understand that some personality styles are different to yours. They package their language in a different way. It’s normal, not personal.

4. ALWAYS BE YOUR REAL SELF – Be the same person at home as you are at work… because you are! Be your authentic self – It’s who you really are. You have the same values whatever role you are playing. You already know how to interact with people at other levels – This is no different – Just be YOU. Find the language to help you say what you want to say.

5. FIND THE COURAGE to be you. Learn to listen to your heart as well as your head. People want an honest opinion, not ‘lip service.’ Be authentic and respond assertively, even if it is a difficult message. Remember, you are just talking to another person – we are all the same.

Be the person YOU want to be… from today!

It’s really okay to be YOU – Take yourself to work!

 

Do You Know Your Own Value?

By , February 6, 2013 8:33 pm

“Many entrepreneurs make the mistake of thinking that their price is too high when, in reality, the value communicated is too low.”

 ~ Seth Godin, The Bootstrapper’s Bible.

While this quotation focuses on entrepreneurs, I think it’s safe to say that most of us aren’t good at knowing or promoting our own value at work or in our lives.

Most of us don’t know how to market ourselves to others and it’s easy for our strengths and talents to become the best-kept secret in the organization we work for or the business that we’re trying to create. If you’re a business owner, you’re charging less than you should. If you work in corporate, you might be waiting in the shadows hoping that your boss (or someone else) will notice you.

I’ve met leaders and business owners who have amazing talent doing the work that they love. I’ve listened to them play down their own value and dismiss their work almost trying to convince me that they’re not really THAT good or they are just ‘lucky.’

Because what you do is easy to you, doesn’t mean that it’s easy for others. I’ve worked with clients who have felt guilty about doing work that they love and are passionate about. Isn’t work supposed to be hard?

There’s no guilt associated with being on purpose and sharing your brilliance with the world. I see it as your true purpose for being here!

I think some of the challenges around knowing and leveraging our value is cultural. We are taught to play things down because we’re frightened to appear pushy, sound desperate or ‘full of ourselves.’ Our early conditioning might teach us: Don’t stand out – Blend in. So instead, we learn to hide our light and keep our true value a secret locked inside.

Here’s how I see it…

To be successful you have to own your value and brilliance and learn how to communicate it authentically to others.

The most important part of knowing your value is getting out of your own way!

The voice in our head warns us against promoting our value with others because we feel like we are selling ourselves!

This is not true…

You are selling a solution, a different approach, an experience or your expertise and advice. You are providing benefit to others to help them move forward, make change or achieve a successful outcome.

People perceive the value of others directly from the benefits that they can receive from working with them. Think about someone you admire or perceive to have value. What difference have they made to you? For example, they helped you to see something that helped you to be more successful in a situation.

It’s true that you often see a glimpse of your value mirrored back in the gratitude from the people you are helping or serving. I know that over the years my clients have taught me my value, through feedback and gratitude. This is a gift and not something to be pushed aside quickly because we’re too embarrassed to hear it.

My mentor taught me to listen to this feedback and TAKE IT IN…

This helps you to see your value through the lens of others. You start to believe in yourself and get out of your own (Ego’s) way! This is a great gift from those who we serve.

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to value our work, or how to charge people.

Here are a few places to start…

Know your strengths – What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Take time to get to really know yourself. Make a list of things that you’re good at – Don’t hold back now! Ask other people to share their observations of your strengths. Start to see yourself in the feedback and gratitude that people share with you. Own it! A great book to get you thinking about your strengths is StrengthFinder 2.0 

You bring more than your credentials – Qualifications can sometimes be important in your work. But it’s not just having the qualification – It’s the application of it! You also bring a combination of your unique experience in the world. In other words, you bring everything you are to your work. One of the best coaches I’ve ever worked with has no coaching credentials. She brings an abundance of experience, intuition, authenticity, passion, and results. She lives what she teaches. This cannot be learned in a classroom. This is life experience!

Share your strengths with others – Walk in your power and own your brilliance. It’s a waste NOT to use the unique gifts you have been given. Through using them you are helping others to be more successful. If they don’t know about your strengths, they won’t be able to find you. You are providing a valuable service by letting others know what you have to offer. You’re helping them get clear and make a decision.  People who stand in their power share why they love what they do… they don’t try to tell you why YOU should love it!

Set your thinking for success – You are what you think and your value and your pricing reflects this to the outside world. So others pay you a reflection of what you think of yourself. Your playing small could be limiting your beliefs and holding you back from promotion or diminishing your value and stopping you charging what you are worth. People who admire you (and a great coach) can help you to see your value in yourself.

I have value do you want some? Remember that you are providing solutions for others, giving them hope, so they can be more successful. You’re helping them achieve more by communicating what you do and offering to help. Validate your gifts and stop playing small. Practice how you communicate this and your message will become stronger and clearer. You are doing a dis-service to others by not sharing what you can help them with.

What value are you sharing with the world?

Doing it Scared!

By , November 15, 2012 2:25 am

“Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great?”

~ Jimmy Johnson, Coach – Dallas Cowboys

Fear is a natural element of forward motion.

It’s easy to attend an inspirational event, be surrounded by hundreds of like-minded people and set some challenging and exciting goals. With such inspiration around you how could you fail?

On returning home your goal becomes more challenging because you’re on your own again. The voices of inspiration have been replaced with that one internal solitary voice of fear: ‘Yea…But…’ Your goal suddenly seems bigger and scarier than ever. The mountain is suddenly much steeper to climb and fraught with danger because:

• You’re opening yourself to cynicism and criticism
• You’re putting yourself out there BIG time
• You’re leaping outside of your comfort zone and exposing yourself
• You’re taking some risks that go against your natural instincts to be safe
• You’re going to face roadblocks and challenges along the way

Here’s how one of my clients described their fear of success. She starts with the Possibility of Success:

[Possibility of Success>>Fear>>Procrastination>>Suffocation>>
Reset myself>>Possibility of Success]

Fear is such a powerful emotion and causes us to back track and question our original decision. We begin to wallow in procrastination and we are suffocated by self-doubt and excuses NOT to get started. Hesitancy creeps in as we loop around in our circle of fear making worry and anxiety more intense. Each cycle youreset yourself smaller as your power is dissolved away.

This is where most people stop…Road closed!

They divert to take an easier route, a half-way compromise, or they put their goal (and dreams) back on the shelf. They back down and tread carefully through life avoiding any dis-comfort.

You can break out of this cycle.

Here are some things we know about fear…

Fear is Biological and linked to our fight and flight mechanisms controlled by our Lizard Brain. Our Lizard warning alarm will sound when we step out of our comfort zone, feel uncomfortable or perceive danger ahead. Our brain cannot differentiate whether the threat is physical or mental. This legacy still remains as part of our make-up when our bodies go into red alert.

Fear Exists – Acknowledge this and recognise it as just a natural part of the process of forward motion. Most of the good stuff in life involves taking some risk. Risk brings opportunity to learn and grow. Fear doesn’t mean give up! It’s part of the process of success. Make your unconscious roadblocks conscious and begin to recognise what is coming up for you. You can then develop strategies for dealing with it.

Fear Creates Objections Why You Shouldn’t Do It – “I don’t know how I’m going to get new clients!”Or the voice in your head reminds you only about what you’re giving up: “It means that I’ll not have a company car anymore!” or “I might lose all my savings.” Writing these down and consciously knowing your objections allow you to deal with them. These concerns are usually the triggers of your procrastination. You can challenge these and overcome them.

Fear Creates Memories of the Future – Humans have the amazing ability to create memories of the future in our head that feel real. These are a combination of pictures, sounds or feelings. We imagine what the future outcome is going to be like. You create fantasy of becoming a bag lady on the street and create your own internal movie of your self-fulfilling prophecy of doom of how things might play out. As kids we used to use our imagination to pretend we were a super hero or our favourite characters on TV. We’d act out scenarios believing to be these people. Hmm… Interesting how the adult mind uses this same ability to project so much negativity! The movie in our head isn’t real. Replace those memories of the future with your vision and dreams. Re-align to your goal and view things differently.

Fear Makes the Wall Look Bigger – When we hit a roadblock it’s easy to become mis-aligned. You step out of congruency with your goal. After all it’s scary doing something bigger. So it’s important to check in with your intention every single day. Claim back your power to make things happen. Get back up and re-align to your WHY. Ask yourself: “What have I learnt here?” Then step back in fully – over and over again. Keep going tweaking things that don’t work along the way.

To overcome fear you firstly need to be able to recognise and name it. Remember, fear is just a natural part of the process to success.

“Progress always involves risk; you can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.”

Frederick Wilcox

It’s Time to ‘Fire’ Your Inner Critic…

By , October 31, 2012 8:47 pm

“On the journey of self-discovery, let us stop looking for what is wrong with us. Let us discover, instead, who we are and how we work! Let us put our judgment aside as we explore the amazing system of selves within us and learn to live with ever-increasing honesty, choice, and freedom.”

 ~ Hal Stone, Author.

Do you have voices in your head? (…I know it’s not just me!)

Our self-doubting critic usually shows up as we’re about to deliver a presentation or when we’re stepping up to do something bigger. Once we stretch out of our comfort zone we become vulnerable to negative self-talk.

Your inner critic sounds so real that it’s easy to believe the voice in your head and before you know it, you’re spiraling in a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom!  In creeps self-doubt, uncertainty as your confidence drains away.

One of my coaching clients, James, asked me to help him to overcome his inner critic who would appear after a presentation or any other situation where he was stepping in and being a leader.

James would find himself replaying a situation over and over dwelling only on the negative aspects of the event or conversation.  Any negativity was magnified and blown out of proportion.  James’ inner critic was ultra-critical of any mistakes. His Inner Critic was a perfectionist who had zero tolerance for imperfection. He was overly protective.

This negativity created extra pressure for James the next time he was in a similar situation. He was tired of this voice and wanted to get away from the constant negativity in his head.

So we decided to ‘Fire’ his Inner Critic…

The quality of your inner dialogue has a huge impact on your actions and results. We all have an Inner Critic and an Inner Coach available to us. It’s almost like having your own internal team in your head!

You get to choose who you want to employ: the Critic or the Coach…

The inner critic is the negative person in your team – holding you back, draining your energy, stealing your confidence and self-worth. They make you play small and always block your path.

If you were an employer the critic would be fired for not being a team player, having a negative attitude and for being a disruptive influence!

This doesn’t serve you at all…

The inner coach is a positive encourager, who can help you step back from the situation to reflect and focus on learning and forward motion. Your inner coach:

  1. Is caring and supportive while giving you permission to take risks.
  2. Is not interested in the criticism from others and pushes this aside.
  3. Helps you to focus clearly on your goals.
  4. Allows flexibility and permission for you to be Imperfectly Perfect.
  5. Helps you to put things into perspective and think objectively.
  6. Challenges your emotional assumptions (that are normally plagued by inaccuracies).
  7. Helps you ask for advice from others without feeling inadequate.
  8. Promotes self-awareness and self-improvement as an adventure and as an opportunity for growth. Learning is part of the journey.
  9. Helps you to build your competence and confidence.

Your inner coach is a high performer, if you decide to listen to him/her. This is the type of inner employee that you need to hire!

Here are five ways to develop your inner coach:

  1. Recognise when your critic tries to take over and make a conscious choice to listen to your coach instead. Try turning the sound down or muting  your critic so you can’t hear them!
  2. Decide to actively listen to your coach instead. We are supportive of others when they are learning, so be a friend to yourself. It’s okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. Learning is about continuous improvement.
  3. Dis-associate yourself from the situation. Imagine you were coaching someone else in the same situation, what would you say to them? How would you support them?
  4. Make time for positive reflection after the event. Ask yourself: What went well? What would I do differently next time? What have I learned? Write down your next step to apply your learning.
  5. Give yourself permission to get it wrong, screw it up and make mistakes. Learning is messy because skills and behaviors can take time to master.

It’s like we all have a critic sitting on one shoulder and a coach sitting on the other whispering in each ear! YOU get to choose which one you want to listen to…

Give your inner coach a job for life!

 

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