Category: Independence

Daring to Change? Here’s How to Make the Leap…

By , February 5, 2014 10:21 pm

“Make decisions from where you want to be. Not where you are now.”

~ Christine Kane, Mentor to women who are changing the world.

I remember so clearly the day I handed my notice in to leave my corporate job and begin life as an entrepreneur…

Even though I knew this was what I wanted, I was really scared to hand over my resignation letter because it made it REAL. There would be no going back after I uttered those words: I’m resigning…

I held on to the letter with a vice-like grip before handing it over. It was almost like I was trying to delay the moment… This was the stepping off point for me… The transition point from where I was at that point in time to where I wanted to be.

…And it was all down to handing over one significant letter.

This was the game changer. Everything changed in that moment. I had to start taking myself seriously as an entrepreneur and show up fully as the leader in my life.

It was HUGE and SCARY…

…But it was the BEST decision I’ve ever made!

People who are thinking of making this transition often ask me about my decision to go on my own: Did you worry that it might not work? Were you scared that you might not get any clients? What if you failed?

And yes… I worried!

I actually woke up bolt upright the morning after I had given my notice in with the voices in my head screaming: “WTF have you done? Are you completely out of your mind?! You have a great job here!”  

Any change can be scary because it involves letting go, finding courage, and taking forward motion. You have to take a risk because you don’t know the outcome.

As a frequent traveller on the London Underground, I’m constantly reminded to mind the gap! It’s painted on every platform and there’s an audio reminder before the train doors open and you step off the safety of the platform.

Why the reminder?

Because energy flows where attentions goes! So if I’m reminded to pay attention to the space between the platform and the train and I’ll take conscious action to make sure that I avoid the potential danger of the gap.

I often use the metaphor of Mind the Gap to explain how I bridged the gap and navigate through transition.

Learning and growing into the gap helps you to be the person you want to be NOW. The term Mind the Gap reminds me that if I want to successfully change I have to be mindful of the gap between where I currently am and where I want to be… knowing this and growing into it makes the transition real…

Before I stepped off the platform and onto my train of becoming a business owner, I recognized that I needed to develop a plan of action to enable me to successfully transition from where I was to where I wanted to be.

I call this my Gap Strategy…

Where are you now? Before making any change you need to look at your starting point – Even if feels uncomfortable. GPS can’t work if you’re typing in your destination but it doesn’t know your beginning point!

This involves self-assessment so you can have a clear picture of where you are currently: what you want and don’t want moving forward. What are your strengths, skills and passions? Do you know your value and how to leverage it (not monetary!)?

Where do you want to be? Continuing our Mind the Gap metaphor: it’s also important to understand what train you’re looking to step onto… (and that it’s in the station when you take that step!)This is all about getting clear, developing a vision and daring to dream. What does it look , sound and feel like? You have to become an investigator and do the work to explore your idea and where you want to go with it. Try it on for size! Generate some options.

How do you get there? Well, you have to buy a ticket! In other words: You need to invest time, energy and money in making it happen! An idea remains an idea unless you  ground it by setting a deadline and start moving towards it. You have to pay attention to any gaps in your knowledge, skills and behavior and develop a gap strategy to help you leap over and take conscious deliberate action. What do you need to learn? Who is doing this already? How are you getting in your own way of success?

I’d decided on a clear plan of action and had been implementing my strategy over the previous twelve months. I worked with an awesome coach. Slowly I’d been building my marketability and leverage, learning about being an entrepreneur and living from that place. I was building my list and a client base, while I was still in my day job. I wasn’t perfect but I was fully engaged, committed and aligned my action with my values. I was prepared for my leap across the gap.

The gap finally appeared before me in the moment that I handed my notice in, and I was ready. I was already an entrepreneur. I’d claimed my power and shown up as leader for the last 12 months. I’d already prepared the way, I was now executing my strategy. I stepped over the gap to where I wanted to be.

That final step is often the hardest…because it’s scary to watch as your old life falls away. This final act was the last thing that held me back from the realization of my dream… Yes it was a scary moment but it was exhilarating at the same time!

I knew what I needed to do, I leaned in and made it happen…

I am the “after” of many of my client’s before… If you’d like some help minding and transitioning YOUR gap, drop me an email at info@elainebaileyinternational.com.

 

LiveBrilliant Women’s Retreat – Coming Soon!

By , August 14, 2011 6:22 pm

Interdependence Day!

By , July 4, 2010 9:31 am

As today is the 4th July, Firstly, I want to wish all my American friends a:

Happy Independence Day!

Today the US proudly celebrates the anniversary of national independence.

The word independence got me thinking about claiming back independence in our own life and how this can ultimately lead to interdependence.

As we achieve things in life and master independence this often brings status. There is nothing wrong with being recognised for your achievements.

I have also noticed that some people stop growing at this point because they develop an attachment to status. Their goal becomes all about achieving or preserving this level of status and they can become isolated.

I have recently experienced this with a client I’ve been working with.

John, is a now senior executive, he strived for promotion and achieved it. In his new leadership role John felt that he had to play bigger and step up into his power. He wasn’t sure how to do this and at senior level, there was no one to ask. Over the first few months of his appointment he reactively became focused on his status and power and exerted this in a ‘command and control’ way to get things done.  Because things weren’t going well, he tried to protect his status by making himself indispensible. He worked alone and became more independent and isolated from his team. This cut him off from others. This reduced his credibility with his team and created an environment of compliance rather than commitment.

John was exhausted and felt lonely because there was no one to ask for help. He realised that his Ego was beginning to run the show and this wasn’t what he’d signed up for.

If you allow Ego and self preservation to drive your power people around you become compliant rather than committed to your cause. This cuts you off from others and creates an environment of low trust.

Here are some of the main symptoms:

  • I’m always right – don’t challenge me
  • I’m not listening to ideas from others
  • Others are of lesser value to me
  • I am superior to them
  • I always take the credit
  • I keep a distance between ‘them’ and me
  • I Work longer hours than those below me to achieve more and to maintain my status
  • I let my superiors know that I’m doing a great job and that I’m putting extra time in!
  • I perceive that those who work collaboratively are a threat
  • I have no one to support me – I’m all alone

John believed that he had to defend his status by exerting power through authority to get things done. John realised that he couldn’t do it all alone but was frightened to ask for the support of others because he mistakenly assumed that others would think less of him and it would diminish his value.

Cooperation is essential for interdependence. The power of one is much less than the power of many. When Ego turns up to run the show you create obstacles to success. It also takes so much effort to maintain!

This is also true for any success you are trying to create in life.

The foundations of good relationships with others are self-mastery and self-discipline. Success involves learning how to become Interdependent.

Being Interdependent involves:

  • Knowing you’re WHY? Why are you really doing what you are doing? Consider your motive.
  • Understanding what you are committed to.
  • Stepping back from your Ego – This just gets in the way of creating the best solutions.
  • Appreciating the contributions of others – It’s hard to do anything alone. Engage other people and value their support. Value their contribution and share the success.
  • Stopping defending yourself – This takes so much effort and energy.
  • Looking for a more cooperative approach. The more cooperation the greater the solution will be.
  • Taking time to build rich and productive relationships and associations with others.
  • Surround yourself with support structures. Creating a support network around you to help you grow and learn. Like-minded people who can support you. Invest in a personal coach.

“Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.”

Stephen R Covey, Author, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People

Being independent means that you get to live your life on purpose – proactively with integrity. Choosing to live interdependently allows you to build synergy through open communication and positive interaction with others.  Cooperation is the key to highly productive and enduring relationships. This takes success to a higher level because it opens up new worlds of possibility for meaningful associations, learning and growth, serving others, contributing to our environment and for increased productivity.

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