Category: Giving up

What To Do When You Feel Like Quitting

By , October 18, 2013 12:17 am

OpeningStuckDoor“The difference between success and failure isn’t the absence of fear but the determination to pursue your heart’s desires no matter how scared you are.”

~Martha Beck, Author and Coach – Finding your Own North Star

We all have moments when we feel like quitting… I’ve certainly had my moments when I’ve felt like giving it all up, throwing my laptop away, and getting a job in a tea shop (I could happily spend my days serving cups of tea and chatting to customers. Blissfully avoiding any responsibility!).

How many times have you felt like giving up, throwing the towel in and running away to start a new life or career?

Monthly?

Weekly?

Daily?!

Who said life was easy?!

Things that we are learning can take longer than we’d anticipated and we get frustrated because we’re not seeing the pay off for all our hard work and investment. There are times when things get difficult and we struggle with loss, uncertainty and doubt.

Quitting is always an option, especially you’re faced with what seem like impossible challenges.

Here’s the thing…

There is a difference between TALKING about quitting and ACTUALLY quitting…

One involves THOUGHT, the other ACTION.

The truth is that EVERYONE FEELS like giving up at some point. We all hit roadblocks that are hard to get around:

  • You’re scared to begin because you might fail.
  • You’re riddled with uncertainty and doubt – especially when things become murky or unclear.
  • You’re questioning whether you were really cut out for this after all?
  • You’re feeling like a dumb-ass for giving up your well-paid job to go it alone and now no one’s knocking at your door for your services!
  • You’re repeatedly asking yourself WTF am I doing?!
  • You have more excuses for not carrying on than reasons for carrying on
  • You’re questioning the answers the Universe appears to be showing you just now!

Fear and doubt are dream killers and in moments of uncertainty, it’s easy to allow them to erode our confidence and win-out. We want assurances on how things are going to turn out, and when these aren’t available we become uncomfortable with taking action. We hesitate, our energy drains away, and up pop the excuses. Avoidance strategies kick in and we skulk back to hide in our comfort zone, waiting for either divine intervention or for someone else to save us!

We stop being successful…

This lack of energy towards your goal reinforces the limiting beliefs that “I’m not cut out for this…” and you become locked into a lack-mindset.

These are the defining moments that make us question and challenge ourselves. You have a choice between Getting Out and Going Deeper in.

Here’s what to do when you feel like quitting:

1. Take responsibility. Let go of any excuses and accept where you are right now. You might not be able to influence what has happened in the past, but you can influence the present and shape future outcomes. Stop blaming others, the recession or the moon being in retrograde! Dust yourself off and get back in the saddle.

2. Get in touch with your passion. Re-align to your dream. WHY do you want to do this? Re-ignite the flame burning deep within you. You CAN do this, but ONLY if you REALLY WANT to. Take time to re-connect and renew your energy. Get giddy about your intention!

3. Get out of your own way. Recognise the voices in your head as naysayers who are not real! Change your thinking because it will change your results. Check the quality of your inner dialogue and only allow space for positive language. Create goal cards or affirmation statements to re-focus your attention. Use the problem as raw materials for the solution. Instead of asking: Can I really do this? Ask “How can I do this?”

4. Be disciplined. An idea will ALWAYS remain just an idea unless you create systems and habits that enable you to take deliberate action. Plan your next step and take conscious step by step action to make it happen. Create systems to help you show up and be 100% present and committed.

5. Get some help. Having a coach as a sounding board and mirror to reflect back your behaviour really helps you to blast through any roadblocks and challenges. Having someone on your side makes ALL the difference and stops you feeling isolated and alone.

Feeling like quitting isn’t a mistake, you are usually on the verge of huge transformation. Grief, silence, emptiness is a gift AND it’s the hardest thing to go through, especially when you just want to run away. It is possible that you are working through your deepest fear right now.

Just so you know, feeling like giving up is a common theme that I come across as a coach, and it’s a great lesson for anyone (especially if you are in business start up).

The danger is that you think it’s easier to go back to what you had before, even if you don’t really want it. Quitting is like giving up on yourself on so many levels, the temptation is to go out and get a job or not go for that promotion.

What I’ve come to realize is that there is NO GETTING OUT; when I feel like this I have to walk DEEPER IN. These feelings aren’t the enemy. I am usually being broken open for transformation (Upleveling).

In these situations I always feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, but getting out is never an option. Vulnerability and fear has a way of peeling back the bullshit and getting you closer to the core of who you are. As you let go and things fall away, a new deeper level emerges.

Grow into your challenges by Going Deeper into the uncertainly and the unknown. The solutions for success are waiting to be found as you to connect deeper to your authentic self.

 

Be persistent to get what you want in your life (or work)

By , September 25, 2013 6:17 pm

Be Persistent“You choose to do this work daily. Then you choose to do it again. There is no failure. There is no arrival. There is practice. And process. And persistence.”

~Christine Kane, Mentor

Have you ever had the experience of trying everything you knew to get promoted or help a member of the family or get new clients to buy your products or services in your business, but nothing seemed to work?

No matter how hard you try, the more you fear trying again. You start making hesitant attempts and in the end you might even stop trying. After all, no one wants to give his or her all when they are experiencing disappointment. You get stuck in a rut of disappointment and limiting and negative beliefs.

At this point you start to believe that nothing will work and you give up trying. The fear can be so strong that you become scared of trying again.

What I’m describing here is learned helplessness. Through your experiences of trying you have learned and now perceive that the situation is helpless: “I’m just not cut out for this!” Or “The Universe is trying to tell me something!” Or “I’ve tried everything!”

Here’s the good news…

This is a PERCEPTION… it’s not real. You still can make things happen and change your approach to get the results you want.

Here’s what you need to know…

We are deeply programmed to think negativity, talk negativity, focus on what’s not working, point out what we don’t like, and fill our heads with our judgments, opinions and criticisms. We are wired to look out for things going wrong – it’s our survival instincts. Blame it on our biology – We have our own built in resistance thanks to our Lizard Brain.

Knowing this can help…

Persistence is the key.

Being persistent can help you to get what you want. It’s about taking action despite the circumstances or whether you feel like it.

The longer you are persistent, the greater your chance of success.

Sometimes the odds may seem overwhelming, and everything seems to test your commitment to the goal you’re pursuing. Refuse to give up while you learn from each experience, develop and grow and commit to your original intention.

Here’s how being persistent can help you get what you want…

Re-Frame any negative beliefs – This is the first step… Get rid of the notion of learned helplessness – That you CAN’T do anything or that the situation is helpless. What has happened in the past doesn’t mean that it has to happen again in the future. It’s what you decide to do right NOW that counts. What can you do starting today that is different?

What’s Important here? Decide on what is important and start to take conscious deliberate action each day. WHY did you commit to this goal originally? How it will make you feel when you are successful? Get clear and focus your attention on moving forward. Give your goal High Value, write it down and keep it on your radar!

The best way out is through – Hang in there. Focus on the next single step and keep moving forward despite any setbacks or busy workloads. Re-define and maintain your boundaries. Show up and make it happen. Persevere until you find a way even when it doesn’t look as if it’s working. You will learn from every action you take and find better ways of doing things.

Deal with any resistance – You may experience criticism from others along the way. People may say NO – But keep going and keep growing. Don’t allow things to get in the way of you achieving your vision. Yes, people may think you’re CRAZY! That’s okay! Continue to plant the seeds, do the right things and take action. When confronted with any obstacle – try this:

  • Brainstorm each obstacle.
  • Avoidance is NOT a strategy!
  • Come up with at least 3 different strategies for each.
  • Be solution focused NOT problem focused.
  • Use an experienced mentor or coach as a sounding board.

Get an Accountability Partner –If you’re procrastinating, share your weekly actions with someone you know and trust. Check in with them at the end of the week to let them know your progress. This can help you stay accountable for your actions.

Pure persistence, consistent deliberate action and the flexibility to pursue your goal will ultimately give you want you want. Make it a daily habit.

Whatever your goal, you can make it happen with passionate work and consistent dedication. Stick at it! Learn from your mistakes. How you deal with your setbacks shapes your future!

Be persistent to get what you want in life or work!

“Success is the result of good judgment. Good judgment is the result of experience. Experience is often the result of bad judgment.

~ Source Unknown

 

Getting Over Rejection

By , August 14, 2013 6:25 pm

iStock_000009159104Medium“Every time I thought I was being REJECTED from something good, I was actually being RE-DIRECTED to something better.”

~ Dr Steve Maraboli

I remember PE (Physical Education) at school when the teacher would select two kids to pick their basketball team alternatively from the class. We’d all sit there waiting (and hoping) to be selected by the person doing the picking. It was an intense moment and quite soul destroying if you weren’t picked until last. The feeling of embarrassment stayed with you for the whole lesson (and probably adversely affected your ability to perform).

If you look back at your own life I’m sure you can recall times when you’ve been rejected for things:  a promotion, a job, a project, a team or even dumped by your latest boyfriend (or girlfriend) when you personally thought he (she) was THE ONE!

In the moment rejection can feel devastating.

Most of us would feel uncomfortable sharing our past rejections and failures – we keep them to ourselves because we’re frightened that we’ll be judged by them or people will think less of us. Instead, we keep those memories locked inside and only replay them in our head when we have self-doubt or uncertainty in the present.

Here’s the thing, though… We seem to forget that this happens to EVERYONE!

People get rejected and turned down all the time.

There are countless stories of courage and persistence in the public world to reinforce this. I read that Kathryn Stickett, the author of the The Help, was rejected 60 times by publishers. She went on to become a best selling author and got a film deal that ultimately won four academy awards!

Getting over rejection is a painful but a normal part of growth on our journey to success. As one door appears to slam in your face, another will open up before you. You have to dig in to find the courage to continue forward motion through your vulnerability and any letdowns.

Most people give up at this point and succumb to their limiting beliefs because they get stuck in discomfort and self doubt.

Here are a few ways to keep momentum and stay true to your goal:

1. Re-connect to your WHY. Take a little time to rest and regroup. Remind yourself of your WHY and in the face of self-doubt, get clear again. Refocus your attention on WHY you want to succeed. What will your life (or your business) look like, sound like or feel like? Allow courage to overcome any fear. Don’t let fear rule your decisions, just because somebody has challenged you. People WILL push up against you – especially when you’re doing something different. Learn to rescue yourself and step back in alignment with your vision every day.

2. Be prepared to do it scared! Live life on the EDGE… of your comfort zone! When you are growing and putting yourself out there, you are constantly challenging yourself:  stretching out of your comfort zone to create a NEW NORMAL. Stretching takes courage and tenacity because things can feel uncomfortable and it can be a little scary.  Get comfortable with uncomfortable. Choose to be courageous. Don’t be distracted by external noise – stay on course. Focus on your truth and what is important for you. Have faith in your intuition and believe in YOU.

3. Protect your confidence. This will keep you grounded and centred. Stop listening to those voices in your head because they aren’t the truth. Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions, strengths and limitations. Recognize how negative patterns can feel overwhelming and cause you distress. Let go of any emotions that are holding you back. I find journaling very useful for this. Start to recognize your own emotions and their impact. Take personal responsibility for your thinking.

See obstacles as opportunities as you navigate your journey. Rejection is just a container for growth. Inside it holds a powerful lesson that if released will make you stronger, determined and more successful.

Be honest with your feelings in the context of your work and be open to your doubts and fears. This vulnerability is a powerful learning tool if you can be open to it.

Remember… there is no destination!

Keep growing!

 

5 Things To Do the Next Time You Feel Like Quitting!

By , March 7, 2012 8:02 pm

“The difference between success and failure isn’t the absence of fear but the determination to pursue your heart’s desires no matter how scared you are.”

~Martha Beck, Author and Coach – Finding your Own North Star

Sometimes I feel like quitting!

The last time was a few weeks ago after my cat died suddenly. I’ve had three deaths in the last six months and was getting sick to death of death! I’d reached the “WTF!” stage. I felt like giving it all up throwing my laptop away and getting a job in a tea shop. I could happily spend my days serving cups of tea and chatting to customers. Blissfully avoiding any responsibility!

How many times have you felt like giving up, throwing the towel in and running away to start a new life or career?

Monthly?

Weekly?

Daily?!

Life isn’t always easy. There are times when things get difficult and we struggle with loss, uncertainty and doubt.

Quitting is always an option especially you’re faced with what seem like impossible challenges.

Here’s the thing…

There is a difference between TALKING about quitting and ACTUALLY quitting…

One involves THOUGHT the other ACTION.

The truth is that EVERYONE FEELS like giving up at some point. We all hit a roadblock that’s hard to get around:

  • You’re scared to begin because you might fail
  • You’re riddled with uncertainty and doubt – Especially when things become murky or unclear.
  • You’re questioning whether you were really cut out for this after all?
  • You’re feeling like a dumb-ass for giving up your well paid job to go it alone and now no one’s knocking at your door for your services!
  • You’re repeatedly asking yourself WTF am I doing?!
  • You have more excuses for not carrying on than reasons for carrying on
  • You’re questioning the answers the Universe appears to be showing you just now!

Fear and doubt are dream killers and in moments of uncertainty it’s easy to allow them to erode our confidence and win-out. We want assurances on how things are going to turn out and when these aren’t available we become uncomfortable with taking action. We hesitate our energy drains away and up pop the excuses. Avoidance strategies kick in and we skulk back to hide in our comfort zone, waiting for either divine intervention or for someone else to save us!

We stop being successful…

This lack of energy towards your goal reinforces the limiting beliefs that “I’m not cut out for this…” and you become locked into a lack-mindset.

These are the defining moments that make us question and challenge ourselves. You have a choice between Getting Out and Going Deeper in.

Here’s what to do when you feel like quitting:

1. Take responsibility. Let go of any excuses and accept where you are right now. You might not be able to influence what has happened in the past, but you can influence the present and shape future outcomes. Stop blaming others, the recession or the moon being in retrograde! Dust yourself off and get back in the saddle.

2. Get in touch with your passion. Re-align to your dream. WHY do you want to do this? Re-ignite the flame burning deep within you. You CAN do this but ONLY if you REALLY WANT to. Take time to re-connect and renew your energy. Get giddy about your intention!

3. Get out of your own way. Recognise the voices in your head as naysayers who are not real! Change your thinking because it will change your results. Check the quality of your inner dialogue and only allow space for positive language. Create goal cards or affirmation statements to re-focus your attention. Use the problem as raw materials for the solution. Instead of asking: Can I really do this? Ask “How can I do this?”

4. Be disciplined. An idea will ALWAYS remain just an idea unless you create systems and habits that enable you to take deliberate action. Plan your next step and take conscious step by step action to make it happen. Create systems to help you show up and be 100% present and committed.

5. Get some help. Having a coach as a sounding board and mirror to reflect back your behaviour really helps you to blast through any roadblocks and challenges. Having someone on your side makes ALL the difference and stops you feeling isolated and alone.

The grief that I was going through wasn’t a mistake I was on the verge of huge transformation. Grief, silence, emptiness is a gift AND it’s the hardest thing to go through, especially when you just want to run away. I was working through my deepest fear – Loss.

What I realised was that there is NO GETTING OUT, I had to walk DEEPER IN. Loss wasn’t the enemy I was being broken open for transformation. I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable but getting out wasn’t an option. Grief has a way of peeling back the bullshit and getting you closer to the core of who you are. As you let go and things fall away a new deeper level emerges.

Grow into your challenges by Going Deeper into the uncertainly and the unknown. The solutions for success are waiting to be found as you to connect deeper to your authentic self.

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