Category: FUN!

Are You Too Busy To Look After Yourself?

By , July 10, 2013 8:44 pm

iStock_000011570636Large“A healthy and happy YOU is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone else. Yet most of us don’t look after ourselves. We are too busy getting things done to get around to looking after own emotional, psychological and physical needs as a human being. We only take it seriously when something goes wrong!”

- Elaine Bailey, Author, Speaker, Coach

Many of us spend most of our time doing things for everyone else:  the boss, clients, family or friends. Sometimes our own needs are neglected. We relegate ourselves to the bottom of our To Do List hoping that we’ll get around to taking a break, eating healthily or going to the gym soon!

I was working with a coaching client recently who was exhausted with her busy life and the demands others placed upon her. She felt obliged to be the constant support for everyone else. The more she gave, the more they seemed to want. She was locked in this holding pattern because she didn’t want to let anyone down.

Taking personal timeout wasn’t an option and the thought of it made her feel guilty. How could she be so selfish and do something for herself?

My client had assumed the role of a rescuer in many of her current relationships. She’d become the go to person for everyone. She felt exhausted and unhappy.

She was:

  • Doing more than she really wanted to
  • Discounting her own needs
  • Doing more for others than they were willing to do for themselves

Our lives constantly inter-connect and we all have needs and wants. It’s sometimes hard for us to weigh our own needs against the needs of others and own needs get neglected as we try to help.

The truth is that we care and we want to help those that we love, but we also need to look out for ourselves.

We consciously hang onto our old conditioned patterns of behavior. My client had no-energy for herself, because she was unconsciously giving it all away to everyone else.

Taking care of YOU is NOT selfishness.

So what does ‘selfishness’ actually mean?

Selfishness – Many people confuse taking care of themselves with selfishness.  There is a significant difference between the two.  Selfishness is about getting what you want without any consideration for the other person’s needs. It’s usually at the expense of the other person. Selfishness is an intentional release of negative energy. For example, it’s purposely not sharing information with someone that might save them time, because it might make them look better than you.

Self-care  Is a totally different energy. You are look after your own well being in a healthy way. It’s a commitment that you make to yourself. A healthy and happy you is hugely important because your energy affects and interacts with everything and everybody that you come into contact with (See Radiators and Drains).

Invest in yourself.

If you’ve never done this before consciously, those closest to you may notice a difference and feel uncomfortable to begin with because you are doing things differently and they are not used to it. They prefer the ‘old you’ because they were easier to manipulate! Teach them how to treat you.

Here’s how to get started…

1. Take responsibility  We are each responsible for our own life and the choices we make. Therefore, we have the right to take care of our own needs. The balance between commitment to yourself and the desire to help someone else requires us to define some lines of responsibility. As a coach, I’m responsible to my client, but not for my client’s results. They have to take action in order to get a result. It’s more difficult to draw lines with those we love.

2. Determine your own needs and wants – To live authentically it’s important to consider your own needs, wants and to identify what’s important to you. This clarity helps you to live your core values and create your best life. You also get to decide when another’s needs supersede your own. Take conscious action do one thing every day for yourself.

3. Set some boundaries – As human beings we all have equal value, worth and dignity. You have the right to say no when you want to, to take care of yourself and to ask for what you want. It’s important to set boundaries with other people, so they know what is acceptable and not acceptable behavior. Boundaries help you to protect your authenticity, integrity and demonstrate how you value yourself and others.

You only get one life (and one body) so look after yourself. After all, your To Do List is pretty useless if you’re not around To Do it! Right?!

If you are not taking care of yourself – Who is?

 

How to Let Go of Resistance and Keep Moving Towards Your Goals and Dreams

By , January 26, 2012 12:35 pm

Just trust that everything is unfolding the way it is supposed to. Don’t resist. Surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

Sonia Ricotti – Author.

Do you ever feel like things are not turning out the way they’re supposed to?

Sometimes we try to achieve something aligned to our goal but it doesn’t work out the way we intended. You may not get the result you thought you wanted.

Whatever the situation, it’s easy to become reactive and resistant. You can get locked into negative thoughts: ‘I’m just not cut out for this…’ or ‘I knew I wouldn’t win anyway!’ or ‘It shouldn’t be this way…’

…And it’s easy to become the victim.

Complaining, getting upset or judging just prolongs the pain and it doesn’t help you to change anything. Instead you continue to resist the reality of the situation.

The key drivers of resistance are fear and uncertainty. This is enough to stop us growing and we become stuck in a fixed mindset.

People with a fixed mindset want to play it safe. They need to know the end before beginning. Their fallback position for staying safe is that if you’ve not really tried hard, then you can always say I didn’t really try.

It’s easier to avoid failure by waiting for perfection. You put things off to read yet another how to book or attend another workshop because you’re STILL not quite perfect (or safe enough).

Resistance stops us from growing and learning and pulls us back to that safe place, where we settle and survive. Our own fear to try something different holds us back.

Resisting takes a lot of energy and effort to maintain (Trust me…I know this personally!).

Here’s the thing…

Trying something new and stretching out of your comfort zones is ALL about growing and learning new things. It’s a BIG puzzle that you don’t know the answer to. It’s challenging but fun because you get to work it through! My mentor recently described this like being in your own novel: You get to see how you’re going to get out of it!

…It’s just that you haven’t learnt it yet! That’s all.

The best way out is through…

See the situation as a puzzle to be solved. See the challenges and obstacles as your raw materials for the solution. You have everything you need!

The important thing here is to keep moving in the direction of your goal, no matter what the Universe presents to you.

Your intended result may not always happen and this is perfectly okay. Rather than cling onto the pain or discomfort, let it go so that you can move onto something better.

You can’t fail to learn…

When one door closes, I always find that another door opens and it’s usually to a bigger and better place.

Here are some ways to move forward:

1. Stop resisting what is – Stop resisting what’s going on in your life just now, and choose to accept the current situation and the facts. E.g. I didn’t win 1st Prize. I currently have a heavy workload. Just accepting the situation can release the pressure and make you feel better. Don’t associate any meaning or emotions to it. This is all about accepting what is.

2. Get Clear on what you want – Re-align to your goal. Get clear and re-decide on what you really want. Remember WHY it is important to you and re-commit your attention and energy.

3. The Source of your power is YOU – Take responsibility for the current situation. It’s okay and you will work it through. Learn to listen and pay attention to your instincts – don’t ignore them (You know…That little intuitive voice deep inside you – The one you often ignore!). You already have the solution inside of you it is drowned out by all that resistance and noise. Choose to step into your power and listen to your inner wisdom.

4. Take Action – Consciously start with the first logical step, then take another one, then another. Lean in and create some momentum a little every day.

5. Get support – You can’t do everything alone. Sometimes it helps to have a sounding board, someone who isn’t close to the situation who can offer support. A coach can be present for you in many ways. Asking for help is perfectly okay and sometimes very important for your success.

Let go of resistance and follow your heart – And your world will change!

Keep moving forward. There is no failure.

LiveBrilliant Women’s Retreat 11-13 November 2011

By , September 28, 2011 1:46 pm

LiveBrilliant Women’s Retreat – Coming Soon!

By , August 14, 2011 6:22 pm

Travel Notes – Create and Renew – Time for ME

By , January 17, 2011 12:50 am

My New Year’s Promise…

By , December 30, 2010 1:37 am

I’m in the process of de-cluttering my office in readiness for the start of 2011.

It’s amazing what you can accumulate in such a small space over the year! I can very easily accumilate piles of papers, especially as I’m on the road so much.

During de-cluttering I came across some old drawings and watercolour paintings I’d done in the 1990’s. Of course, I had to stop, grab a cuppa and flick through the sketch books and papers! It was a little like uncovering some buried treasure. Each drawing brought back some very happy memories. I’d forgotten just how  relaxing this hobby was. I used to get lost in the detail of each picture as I was drawing it. This filled me with joy.

I’ve not done any drawing for at least 15 years now. Today my creativity is channelled through designing my coaching programmes and workshops.

So here’s the thing…

I’ve made a decision…

2011 is the year that I dedicate a little time each week to drawing again – Starting next week!

I’m so excited to be re-newing my interest in something that I really LOVE doing.

…And if I get stuck – my Dad is on hand to help me (He used to be my art teacher!)

What one thing will you promise  for yourself in 2011?

Travel Notes – Snow Kitty!

By , December 1, 2010 2:26 pm

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