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By elaine, May 18, 2013 9:39 am

Becoming Human

Hey, wait a moment, I am human. What does it mean to be fully human?

Authenticity Radio invites you to come listen to guest Elaine Bailey explore the, “Authentic Human You.”

You can Listen Here: www.AuthenticityRadio.com

Being YOU is pretty damned amazing! So go out there and change the world! – Elaine Bailey

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By elaine, April 3, 2013 6:40 pm

They say it takes up to 65% of an airplane’s fuel just to lift it off the ground.

Do you think that the pilots ever get to the point where they’ve used 55% of their fuel and they look at each other and say, ‘This thing’s not lifting yet, let’s just give up!’

Is there a point where you’ve given it all, the end of the runway is getting closer but you’re still not getting any lift? You just want to give up and walk away from what you’re trying to achieve.

I’ve felt this many times in my life when trying to shift negative patterns and habits that no longer serve me, or when I was putting all my time and effort into starting a new business but still not seeing any of the benefits from all my hard work.

Isn’t it just easier to give up, return to the gate, park up and go get a Starbucks?!

“Sorry folks your flight’s been cancelled, we’re not changing our lives today.”

Pilots know that during take-off there is a point of no return. This comes after a certain amount of throttle and speed has been engaged. You can no longer abort the take off. This is known as the critical point.

This point of no return is also true in our lives when returning to the gate is no longer an option.

Sometimes I feel like I’m tearing down the run way. My intention is clear, and I know that this change is important. I’m uncertain of what’s in front of me, yet I know I don’t want to go back to the old place I’m moving away from. I want to take off and fly; I’m just a little scared of the unknown. Like that pilot, I’ve reached my critical point and take off is my only option if I want to Live On Purpose.

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”

H.Ross Perot
American billionaire and former U.S presidential candidate

Persistence is a common quality of successful people. Sometimes it’s not going to be easy. You face obstacles and criticism that you may not have been able to predict. Sometimes you may feel that the Universe is testing you to the limit about your commitment to this goal.

It’s going to take a lot of energy to get lift off in your life.

I have learned the practice of persistence. Even when the going gets tough I refuse to give up. Instead I choose to learn and grow from each obstacle as I hang in there. I make my decisions from where I want to be and no matter how hard it seems, I eventually break through and create lift off.

As you are in the process of creating lift off in your own life, allow me to give you a five step safety demonstration.

1.    Fasten Your Seat Belt – Your seat belt is your Intention. It holds you in my seat. It keeps you grounded and secure in knowing your destination. It holds your attention, despite any turbulence (distraction). You can always adjust the strap, hone your focus and return to your intention.

2.    The Life Vest –Your life vest is there in case of the unlikely event of a water landing. It’s about having faith in yourself. Only you can know exactly what your life vest is, but mine are my supportive friends and my coach. What is your life vest?

3.    Read the Safety Card – Here’s a thing about that safety card. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves about the systems and processes that work. Even though we think we know them all too well. Use these systems and processes regularly by being persistent and not giving up after the first attempt because it was hard. It’s working through any obstacles, hanging in there, trusting the process, following the system despite not feeling like it.

4.    Put on Your Own Safety Mask First – The greatest gift that you can bestow on the world is a happy and healthy you. This is all about looking after yourself on many levels: physically, mentally and spiritually. One thing I’ve learned about me is that when things get so bad I forget about self-care. I then make bad decisions and I can’t get lift off. So I have to remember to go back and put on my own safety mask. Place a high value on your own Self-Care, and take good care of yourself.

5.    Enjoy the Flight – People think it’s all about the destination. It’s who you become on the destination. That’s what is so important. In fact who you become as you are creating lift off is more important than getting there.

So ladies and gentlemen…

“Fasten your seatbelts. Seatbacks in the upright position, and tray tables stowed…”

Let’s get this baby in the air!

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By elaine, March 20, 2013 7:01 pm

“How much of human life is lost in waiting”.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, Lecturer and Poet

What are you waiting for just now?

• The perfect client to walk through the door
• That promotion I was promised
• The right person to come into my life
• The right time to leave my current job
• For someone to notice the great work I’m doing
• One more course or workshop that will teach me how to be a ……….

…These are just a few examples.

When you think about it we are ALL waiting for something…

I remember walking Belle the black labrador with my Dad on the beach at Alborough as if it were only yesterday (The reality is it was probably 25 years ago!).

We’d often talk about the children stories he was writing and how all the characters (The Camblesforth Bunnies) were getting into mischief! He talked about how One day he’d publish these books. One day he’d find out what needed to be done. One day he’d share them with the world.

My Dad was in a waiting room that lasted the rest of his lifetime.

These stories are still in a folder waiting…

He’d written and illustrated a series of short stories. One day as we were walking he told me that he was waiting for the right person to come along to give him the nudge and make things happen.

That person never showed up.

Sometimes the person you’re waiting isn’t going to show (they might not even exist) because the only person you are really waiting for is YOU.

I was coaching an executive this week whose long-term dream was possibly coming true: Her boss had been preparing her to step into his shoes. Suddenly he had decided to leave. This was the director’s role she’d always wanted. She now needed to step out and demonstrate that she was ready to secure the  secondment as a director. It was everything she’s been working towards.

You’d think she’d be excited and buzzing…

Now, she faced her own resistance of self worth and self-doubt and her confidence dipped. As the fear of stepping up became real, she started to push the role away…

Sometimes we create a false ceiling to hold us back because we just might actually pull it off! Fear kicks in and we create limiting beliefs that get in our own way of success. Gay Hendricks in his book called the Big Leap – calls this an Upper Limit Problem. We sabotage our own success because of our discomfort of a hidden fear inside that wants to keep up playing small. Our Lizard Brain is working overtime to protect us!  This is the last obstacle between you and success.

I believe that my Dad had an upper limit problem with his books. He’d got so far, then he got scared. The fear was enough for him to put the idea a side and allow himself to be distracted by something else.

What are you waiting for just now?

What would it be like if you decided to stop waiting and take a step towards what you want to create or have in your life?

I see opportunities as grains of sand in an hourglass… The hourglass turned when you were born and the grains of sand are falling through and slipping away.

Life is short and it’s easy to put things off because we believe that we have all the time in the world and we can come back to it and do it later.

…All you have is NOW… Now is where you can make things happen.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. What are you waiting for just now?
2. Why are you waiting?
3. What is holding you back (is it real or perceived)?
4. What would it be like if you decided to stop waiting and take a step towards what you want to to achieve in your life?
5. What is the very first step you could take today?

You can choose to leave your waiting room – Reach through your fear to find the courage to take your very next step.

Remember… Courage is ALWAYS waiting at the other side of fear.

Don’t waste your life waiting…

Take a moment to think about this today…

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By elaine, February 13, 2013 11:46 pm

“The best thing about the past is that it’s over. When people don’t deal with the past as if it’s over, then they’re not free to go into the future.”

~ Richard Bandler – Make Your Life Great

Throughout our day we are constantly talking to ourselves – Yes, THAT voice in our head, the one who seems to be sat pulling all the levers in the control tower of you!

I’m constantly reminded about the awesome power of language and how it influences who we are, what we believe and how we show up in our lives.

One of the great masters, who I once had the honour of learning from, is Richard Bandler. I was reminded of his work this week as I was coaching a client who was struggling in her mind to move away from the past and towards a new future that she was defining for herself.

She’d decided on a direction of where she wanted to go, but the voice in her head kept subconsciously sabotaging her thinking and taking her on a road trip back to her past, rather than to the future where she wanted things to go. Also, the close family around her was saying: “You’ll never change, you’re set in your ways!”

When we set a goal and decide to make a change in our lives our conditioning and internal language is still set on the old default pattern that got us stuck in the first place. As our unconscious thoughts travel down the neural highway, we find ourselves suddenly back in that old place where we used to be and we’re stuck once again in the past:

“History is repeating itself…”

“Here we go again…”

“It must just be the way I am, I’ll never change…”

I love using the metaphor of our neural highway being like a busy motorway or freeway. You can almost see the blur of taillights flowing past you at great speed. It feels overwhelming and fast… Before you know it, you’re in the wrong lane and you’re turning down that old piece of road again:  All routes lead back to the past – your old behaviour and patterns of language and beliefs.

We get caught up in old thoughts and loops that no longer serve us.

As my client spoke, her words made me realize that she was going into a behavioural loop; she was becoming anxious and started to become self-deprecating. She became once again, the person in her past rather than the person she now wanted to be.

I asked her to STOP and BACK UP…

This broke the chain… These words opened her to a deeper level of thinking.

We explored her thinking and how it was making her feel. She was frustrated that she was still going down the old road and not catching herself in time. She then described where she wanted to be with passion and enthusiasm.

Then she got clear – She knew exactly what to do…

She decided that this was the last time she was going to take this route. So she mentally installed a ‘Wrong Way – Go Back’ sign on her neural highway slip road (on-ramp) before the entrance of the old highway she was unconsciously turning onto.

She is now watching her language and paying attention so when that old thinking comes along, she has a conscious system to STOP and BACK UP so she doesn’t go the wrong way. She’s now able to follow the new signage of where she wants to go:  Happiness ahead. Better relationships – next exit, new career coming – 800 yards!

I helped her create some strategies to back up and reframe the situation, and replace her negative language with positive using the power of her intention.

My client reconfigured her brain with some new language patterns that serve her future and not her past. This shifted her state of mind and made things different so she can keep an eye on where she wants to be. She’s moving forward once again.

The past is what we know and we use it as a compass point, a frame of reference for comparison, whereas the future is unknown. It’s uncertain and we’ve no tangible evidence to support that anything could actually be different or better out there. It’s risky and uncomfortable. But you have two great advocates:  faith and courage, if you choose to take them along on the journey with you.

Creating and following a new route takes time and sometimes a little extra support and direction. It’s hard to do it all on your own. The last thing you need is someone with a clipboard standing over you telling you “you’ll never change or it won’t last long – look what happened last time!”

Dwelling on the past keeps you stuck – You’re going the wrong way!

Some people spend years and loads of money in therapy trying to understand WHY the past happened. My philosophy is that learning and growing (and healing) is all about letting go and taking forward motion. Life is fluid and too short to keep using the past as your navigation tool for the future. Create something new; you’ll be surprised how refreshing and exciting the new feelings are that come your way. It sets you free to go into your future!

Sometimes you need a little coaching support to get you started and change the language in your head. This opens you up to a world of infinite possibility.

What do you want behind you and want do you want in front of you?

Watch your language! How is it serving you right now?

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By elaine, February 6, 2013 8:33 pm

“Many entrepreneurs make the mistake of thinking that their price is too high when, in reality, the value communicated is too low.”

 ~ Seth Godin, The Bootstrapper’s Bible.

While this quotation focuses on entrepreneurs, I think it’s safe to say that most of us aren’t good at knowing or promoting our own value at work or in our lives.

Most of us don’t know how to market ourselves to others and it’s easy for our strengths and talents to become the best-kept secret in the organization we work for or the business that we’re trying to create. If you’re a business owner, you’re charging less than you should. If you work in corporate, you might be waiting in the shadows hoping that your boss (or someone else) will notice you.

I’ve met leaders and business owners who have amazing talent doing the work that they love. I’ve listened to them play down their own value and dismiss their work almost trying to convince me that they’re not really THAT good or they are just ‘lucky.’

Because what you do is easy to you, doesn’t mean that it’s easy for others. I’ve worked with clients who have felt guilty about doing work that they love and are passionate about. Isn’t work supposed to be hard?

There’s no guilt associated with being on purpose and sharing your brilliance with the world. I see it as your true purpose for being here!

I think some of the challenges around knowing and leveraging our value is cultural. We are taught to play things down because we’re frightened to appear pushy, sound desperate or ‘full of ourselves.’ Our early conditioning might teach us: Don’t stand out – Blend in. So instead, we learn to hide our light and keep our true value a secret locked inside.

Here’s how I see it…

To be successful you have to own your value and brilliance and learn how to communicate it authentically to others.

The most important part of knowing your value is getting out of your own way!

The voice in our head warns us against promoting our value with others because we feel like we are selling ourselves!

This is not true…

You are selling a solution, a different approach, an experience or your expertise and advice. You are providing benefit to others to help them move forward, make change or achieve a successful outcome.

People perceive the value of others directly from the benefits that they can receive from working with them. Think about someone you admire or perceive to have value. What difference have they made to you? For example, they helped you to see something that helped you to be more successful in a situation.

It’s true that you often see a glimpse of your value mirrored back in the gratitude from the people you are helping or serving. I know that over the years my clients have taught me my value, through feedback and gratitude. This is a gift and not something to be pushed aside quickly because we’re too embarrassed to hear it.

My mentor taught me to listen to this feedback and TAKE IT IN…

This helps you to see your value through the lens of others. You start to believe in yourself and get out of your own (Ego’s) way! This is a great gift from those who we serve.

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to value our work, or how to charge people.

Here are a few places to start…

Know your strengths – What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Take time to get to really know yourself. Make a list of things that you’re good at – Don’t hold back now! Ask other people to share their observations of your strengths. Start to see yourself in the feedback and gratitude that people share with you. Own it! A great book to get you thinking about your strengths is StrengthFinder 2.0 

You bring more than your credentials – Qualifications can sometimes be important in your work. But it’s not just having the qualification – It’s the application of it! You also bring a combination of your unique experience in the world. In other words, you bring everything you are to your work. One of the best coaches I’ve ever worked with has no coaching credentials. She brings an abundance of experience, intuition, authenticity, passion, and results. She lives what she teaches. This cannot be learned in a classroom. This is life experience!

Share your strengths with others – Walk in your power and own your brilliance. It’s a waste NOT to use the unique gifts you have been given. Through using them you are helping others to be more successful. If they don’t know about your strengths, they won’t be able to find you. You are providing a valuable service by letting others know what you have to offer. You’re helping them get clear and make a decision.  People who stand in their power share why they love what they do… they don’t try to tell you why YOU should love it!

Set your thinking for success – You are what you think and your value and your pricing reflects this to the outside world. So others pay you a reflection of what you think of yourself. Your playing small could be limiting your beliefs and holding you back from promotion or diminishing your value and stopping you charging what you are worth. People who admire you (and a great coach) can help you to see your value in yourself.

I have value do you want some? Remember that you are providing solutions for others, giving them hope, so they can be more successful. You’re helping them achieve more by communicating what you do and offering to help. Validate your gifts and stop playing small. Practice how you communicate this and your message will become stronger and clearer. You are doing a dis-service to others by not sharing what you can help them with.

What value are you sharing with the world?

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By elaine, August 28, 2012 5:50 pm

“Today, as leaders are called on to build their companies by creating the future rather than investing in the past, vision matters more than ever. Vision requires what looks to others like a leap of faith: the ability to go beyond the data and make a smart guess.”

Daniel Goleman, Author and psychologist

Have you ever tried to make a decision when you’ve felt confused and uncertain? You weren’t sure what to do? Perhaps you’ve gathered so much information that you didn’t know which way to turn?

I used to be a professional involver…

Whenever I needed to make a decision I’d start asking friends, colleagues (and anyone I spoke to!) for their opinion because it felt so difficult for me to make the decision on my own. I based a lot of my decisions on other people’s opinions of my situation (including my early boyfriend choices!).

I know now that I was terrified of the uncertainty and vulnerability of getting it wrong.

“Listen to your gut…” my friend would say, but I couldn’t hear a thing! All that was there was the knotted and uncomfortable feeling of having to make another decision. Lost in fear and uncertainty, I’d throw my decision straight out to others… HELP ME!

I believed that if I gathered other people’s opinions it would help me to feel stronger, and after all, I could share the blame if things didn’t work out because it wasn’t me making the decision – I had the excuse that others influenced me.

I’d procrastinate and survey those around me for opinions,grasping at any help I could get from others. I’d want certainty before I could make my decision. Most of us aren’t good at not knowing and crave a need for certainty. In the absence of certainty, we look for reassurance from others.

Looking back, I know that I felt so vulnerable.

Last week, I was coaching a client who was procrastinating over making a decision because she was scared of exploring the options. She was worried that it would ultimately take her away from what she really wanted.

Sometimes we are too scared to even manifest options because we don’t want to know the answers in case it’s not what we want. Or, if you have to think about it and gather the data, then you’ll have to make a decision… and things change!

Exploring can be scary – but it’s a great way to help you get clear. I imagine it like trying clothes on in the changing room before you decide to buy – you get an insight to how it looks and feels. This data helps you to make an informed decision.

Here are some thoughts on how to become a better decision-maker by tapping in and learning to trust your intuition…

Intuition is an important skill in business today because there is an explosion of information and data overload. Neurological research has proven that attuning to your feelings helps you to find meaning in data and you can make better, rational decisions. The smart guess matters to leaders especially when there is no clear map of the future and you are creating your strategy through visioning. You can’t predict everything through data!

1. Create some space to listen – Not knowing creates fear and worry that makes you feel vulnerable. The loud noise of anxiety drowns out your inner voice. Take some time out on your own, away from your busy day – quiet time where you can hear yourself think. Listen to your inner voice – don’t ignore it. Learn to trust your intuition as it will guide you. Even if it doesn’t always have the answer, it will help you find the next step.

2. Generate some options – Go into the changing rooms and create some options to try on for size – what does it look-sound-feel like for you? Exploring doesn’t involve you having to make an instant decision. Gut feelings are part of the data too! Sometimes our gut tells us that we don’t know enough to make a decision without exploring some more… so explore!

3. Tune into your feelings – Start to notice what feels right. Our intuition gives us a compelling sense of what feels right by creating literally a gut feeling! This offers us a guide beyond the data presented, that tells us what we need to know or directs us to fact-finding and reasoning. Sometimes it’s a quiet voice; sometimes it shouts very loud!

We pick up many life lessons subconsciously without being aware of learning them. Throughout life you accumulate wisdom from your day-to-day experiences.

Your intuitive self is VERY wise and allows you tap into this wisdom while holding space for uncertainty.

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By elaine, October 28, 2011 3:01 pm

“When courage finally comes you never see it coming. Right out of nowhere you open your heart and that changes everything. You’re going somewhere and all you need to know is that you’re free to go”

Christine Kane, Mentor, Singer Songwriter

This year so far courage has been a huge theme for me. I have experienced it on many levels and in all aspects of my life.

Sometimes I’ve found myself praying for courage; other times I’ve found myself writing in my journal about how grateful I was for receiving some. A few people closest to me have also shown extra-ordinary courage this year. They have been great teachers (including my kitty, Charlie!).

Courage was overflowing recently at Christine Kane’s Gold Mastermind that I attended in Asheville, NC, USA.  I watched people as they got clear and reached a deeper level of courage. Despite being scared, they decided to take some real action steps to seriously Uplevel their business and their lives. This is a BIG deal and life changing for those involved. Yes, there were tears as people faced their fears and decided to let go of playing small.

Finding your courage creates a whole new level of freedom.

Here’s what I’ve learned about courage…

I have many examples to share from this year, but my personal story below is one of ultimate courage between a Father and Daughter and how it changed everything…

My Dad passed to spirit on 25 June 2011.

When I arrived at the hospital (after a 270 mile race up the M1!) my Dad whispered to me that he was so ready to die, but didn’t know how. He was frightened. I was so scared for him and felt helpless. What do you say? How should you act in a situation like this?

So I did nothing except sit next to him and hold his hand. I was physically present, but inside, my heart was falling apart. I continued this vigil for several hours.

These hollow words kept echoing in my head: Be strong and be brave.

There were 11 of us around the bedside (family and friends). We just sat in silence waiting and watching as he stopped interacting with us and drifted in and out of sleep. The silence in the room was broken only by the sound of his breathing and this became our focal point. I felt the room fill with a thick blanket of fear that surrounded and engulfed us all.

We were all scared of hearing that final breath.

I couldn’t stand the intensity and felt compelled to do something. So I left the room and spoke with Ward Sister. I asked her if my Dad could still hear us. She said that she thought he could. She told me that he was very strong and he may not die for a few days. Then I remembered my Dad’s words from the morning: “I’m so ready to die now, I just don’t know how.”

Something happened inside of me at that moment and it changed everything.

I got clear that I wanted to help him find his own courage to let go. I sat beside him and decided to coach him through this last journey.

I had no idea what to do! And Yes! I was shit scared!

I had no idea how to help someone pass. I’d never seen anyone die before. Deep inside I opened my heart and my intuition took over. Something told me to talk to him about his life and to support him through this ultimate challenge. I remembered how he’d taught me to drive and encouraged me through. His words of encouragement had always made the difference.

Something shifted for me. It was like changing gear. I opened up my heart, leaned through my fear and reached out to him.

My Dad was so courageous. He opened his eyes and connected with me, smiled, tried to speak and within 20 minutes he had passed peacefully. I spoke with him constantly through this time, talking about his life and through my words I helped him to let go.

It was the most beautiful and profound experience of my life.

I am no different from anyone else on the planet. Everyone has to be brave at times in their life, whether it’s standing up to someone, sharing your heart and speaking honestly about something, quitting the corporate world to start your own business, or saying goodbye to a loved one for the last time.

There are times in our lives we all have to find extra courage. When you need courage the most you never see it coming, it appears as if outta nowhere and creates a positive ripple effect on you and those around you. It can change everything.

This is so poetically described in the lyrics of Christine’s beautiful song called Right Outta Nowhere (see the lyrics at the top of this article). I never realised the true depth of what they meant until this year.

I know that courage is always waiting at the other side of fear. If you get clear and reach through your fear, you’ll find a deeper level of courage that is pure, beautiful and always there for you…Always. It’s deep in the core of your existence waiting to be let free.

What are you finding the courage to do?

Connect to your heart and reach through your fear.