Category: Faith

Lighten Up and Let Go – How to get in the flow of what you WANT…

By , October 2, 2013 7:15 pm

iStock_000012339432Large“Struggle and efforting always means that you are in resistance. As you relax, lighten up and let go, everything begins to flow.”

 ~ Gill Edwards, clinical psychologist and author.

A few years ago, I took a HUGE leap of faith and completely changed my life. I resigned from being an International Learning and Development Consultant and Head of Coaching in a very reputable training consultancy, so that I could develop my own coaching and learning consultancy business full time.

Back then, I had no real idea of how to run a business or market my services, as I’d been an employee ALL of my working life. I had some jumbled ideas on how I could earn a living and grow my business AND I had the support of an awesome business mentor.

Step by step I did it scared, took risks and lived through fear of uncertainty, ignoring the negative voices in my head, who were constantly poking holes in my confidence and offering up daily serving of self-doubt. Where are you going to get clients? Who do you think you are? What if you don’t make any money? What if no one wants to work with you?

Having being used to a regular income and the security of a J-O-B, I remember moments of terror in those early days. I regularly questioned my sanity! Work was a little patchy at the very beginning: I’d get a few clients, then a gap (the gap scared me the most!).

Taking one step at a time with guidance and support I started to move in the right direction. Former colleagues or clients asked me to run workshops or coach their leaders. I knew deep down that I was on the right path. One thing led to another and opportunities started to manifest. As soon as I stopped struggling and efforting to get clients, everything started to flow.

Something had shifted…

I stopped wasting energy on worrying and feeling desperate. I changed my inner dialogue from: But what if it doesn’t… to: How can I… and got to work on making things happen.

This created a profound shift in my energy. Instead of being focused on moving away from what I didn’t want to happen, I focused my energy and thinking on moving towards more of what I wanted.

In other words… I focused on being a successful business owner and NOT being a bag lady living on the streets!

What you focus your attention on grows!

If you start to focus on the things you love doing: what makes you feel good, looking after and appreciating yourself (and others), filling your day with activities that you enjoy and being surrounded by people that you love, you can’t help but attract gifts and coincidences. Opportunities will start to open before you because you are aligning with your soul and your purpose.

Does this mean that you should resign from your job tomorrow if you hate it?!

Absolutely NOT!

…Especially, if you don’t have any other source of income just now!

I didn’t hate my job when I resigned, I’d just simply out grown it. I got tactical and created a plan so I could transition and step into a growing business.

Whatever you want to create… Lighten Up and Let Go – Here’s how to get in the flow of what you WANT…

Set a clear intention – Start getting clear on what you want. What do you want to change? Clarify what makes your heart sing! Examine your beliefs about work, wealth and money.

Relax into what you do now – Most people don’t get clear and then give their job up the next day. There is a transition. So while you’re still in your current role, re-align to what you like about what you do already. Relax into your work rather than resisting it. Your current role is a key stepping stone to whatever you want to do next. Engaging with it will open doors to new opportunities. It helped me to reframe my existing job to become part of the transition.

Watch your language MOVE TOWARDS what you want, NEVER focus on moving AWAY FROM what you don’t want . Re-align your thinking to what you want to achieve. Create a positive focus. Check your language. How do you talk to yourself about it every single day. Shift your energy before taking action!

Don’t worry about HOW it’s going to happen – Trying to FORCE something to happen can actually push it away because you create resistance! Once you put it out there, the Universe handles the details: the when, where and how! You’ll figure it all out as you go along and everything will happen at the right time. You don’t need to know ALL the details before you begin. Timing is all about aligning with your higher self.

Things start to flow – As you grow, you’ll start to notice opportunities open up for you. You’ll meet an old friend out of the blue who can help you. You’ll hear valuable information on the radio. Things start to happen around you and you’ll attract the right people to help you. You’ll get some traction and motivation as things begin to feel lighter and you feel more on purpose.

Lighten up, let go to get in the flow of what you WANT…

 

Big Boys (and Girls) DO Cry! How Your Emotions Can Make You Smarter…

By , August 21, 2013 10:13 am

Big Boys don't cry“Crying can make you smarter.”

Nancy Kline – Author

I was talking with a manager who admitted that he struggled when one of his team started to get emotional and cried. He wasn’t sure how to react; it made him feel uncomfortable, and he just wanted them to ‘get over it’ and get their control back. He’d find himself over talking and saying anything to try to stop their reaction. This didn’t make him feel good.

It’s funny how we label crying, anger, and even fear, as being out of control.

If you watch other people’s reaction to someone crying at work they might panic, look uncomfortable, or start talking and smother them with their own concern. This reaction is more about them and wanting the other person to stop, rather than about the person crying.

Our society is scared of tears, anger and fear. We just want it to stop. We think that the pain will go away if you just stop it!

Here’s a recent real life example…

I was watching a Mother at Tescos supermarket yelling at her 3-year old child who was crying because she couldn’t sit in the cart. The Mum grabbed her child by the arm and shouted: “Big girls don’t cry – Just grow up! Stop it! You’re a bad girl and you’re embarrassing me in front of all these people!”

I had to walk away from this…

The Mother was teaching her child to repress her emotions and push them down. The child was learning how to become acceptable. Of course, the little girl sobbed even more because of her Mother’s reaction.

We have been taught to pull ourselves together, not show our weaknesses, and we are encouraged to stop showing our emotions.

Here’s the thing, though… Our emotions are there for a reason.

When we get upset (angry, scared or tearful) our thinking stops. Human beings minds are designed to get logic and thinking back if an emotional circuit breaker kicks in. Expressing your feelings, e.g. talking your anger out with a friend on the phone, can be enough to restart your thinking.

Crying is a natural process to rid the body of pain and upset. It’s completely natural and a healthy way to release toxic energy that has built up inside us.

Myths and bad advice that our parents and teachers have taught us:

  1. Crying increases the pain – So if you want it to stop – STOP crying!
  2. Being angry means that you’re out of control – You need to control your anger. Anger is a bad thing – no one should be angry EVER! Stop being angry and your anger will go away.
  3. Being scared is a weakness – You need to toughen up and be more confident. Just stop shaking and you’ll not feel scared.

Stopping this natural release makes the pain find another route to flow. It is absorbed inside you, where it goes underground. Holding this in can cause pressure, anxiety and even physical illness if the issue is held down long enough. These built up feelings churn around inside you and block your thinking.

Here’s my response to the manager who was struggling…

If someone is crying at work it could be for many reasons: frustration, sadness or even because of a paradigm shift in their thinking that has had a profound impact on them.

In that moment, their emotions trigger in to release the energy; they need to cry because in that moment they can’t think. It’s the same with being angry or scared…

Allow and hold space for this to happen for a few minutes.

In those few minutes, they don’t need your platitudes or smothering with words.

  • If they are angry – Let them just talk it out. ALL you have to do is LISTEN. Don’t try to reason with them. Don’t jump in there and agree – you’ll make things worse! Ask them: what is it that is making you angry about this?
  • If they are crying – Let them cry and just sit with them (don’t do anything!). They may cry because they are frustrated and unable to think. This will pass sooner rather than later, if you don’t stop them.
  • If they are scared – Let them talk through their fear. Sometimes just articulating their fear and sharing it reduces its power. Again, all you have to do is LISTEN.

Hold space for them and act as if it’s perfectly okay and normal (because it is!). Give them your respectful attention.

Observe what happens…

They will recover in a short space of time and their thinking will re-engage. You don’t need to over compensate by thinking for them and rambling out loud!

It’s natural for people to occasionally get angry, cry or say that they are frightened. Allow safe space for this to happen and you’ll observe how quickly people can recover from their emotion and think more clearly afterwards.

Next time you’re feeling angry, sad or frightened, give yourself permission to allow your emotions out rather than keeping it all inside and pushing it down.

BIG Boys (and Girls) DO Cry!

 

Getting Over Rejection

By , August 14, 2013 6:25 pm

iStock_000009159104Medium“Every time I thought I was being REJECTED from something good, I was actually being RE-DIRECTED to something better.”

~ Dr Steve Maraboli

I remember PE (Physical Education) at school when the teacher would select two kids to pick their basketball team alternatively from the class. We’d all sit there waiting (and hoping) to be selected by the person doing the picking. It was an intense moment and quite soul destroying if you weren’t picked until last. The feeling of embarrassment stayed with you for the whole lesson (and probably adversely affected your ability to perform).

If you look back at your own life I’m sure you can recall times when you’ve been rejected for things:  a promotion, a job, a project, a team or even dumped by your latest boyfriend (or girlfriend) when you personally thought he (she) was THE ONE!

In the moment rejection can feel devastating.

Most of us would feel uncomfortable sharing our past rejections and failures – we keep them to ourselves because we’re frightened that we’ll be judged by them or people will think less of us. Instead, we keep those memories locked inside and only replay them in our head when we have self-doubt or uncertainty in the present.

Here’s the thing, though… We seem to forget that this happens to EVERYONE!

People get rejected and turned down all the time.

There are countless stories of courage and persistence in the public world to reinforce this. I read that Kathryn Stickett, the author of the The Help, was rejected 60 times by publishers. She went on to become a best selling author and got a film deal that ultimately won four academy awards!

Getting over rejection is a painful but a normal part of growth on our journey to success. As one door appears to slam in your face, another will open up before you. You have to dig in to find the courage to continue forward motion through your vulnerability and any letdowns.

Most people give up at this point and succumb to their limiting beliefs because they get stuck in discomfort and self doubt.

Here are a few ways to keep momentum and stay true to your goal:

1. Re-connect to your WHY. Take a little time to rest and regroup. Remind yourself of your WHY and in the face of self-doubt, get clear again. Refocus your attention on WHY you want to succeed. What will your life (or your business) look like, sound like or feel like? Allow courage to overcome any fear. Don’t let fear rule your decisions, just because somebody has challenged you. People WILL push up against you – especially when you’re doing something different. Learn to rescue yourself and step back in alignment with your vision every day.

2. Be prepared to do it scared! Live life on the EDGE… of your comfort zone! When you are growing and putting yourself out there, you are constantly challenging yourself:  stretching out of your comfort zone to create a NEW NORMAL. Stretching takes courage and tenacity because things can feel uncomfortable and it can be a little scary.  Get comfortable with uncomfortable. Choose to be courageous. Don’t be distracted by external noise – stay on course. Focus on your truth and what is important for you. Have faith in your intuition and believe in YOU.

3. Protect your confidence. This will keep you grounded and centred. Stop listening to those voices in your head because they aren’t the truth. Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions, strengths and limitations. Recognize how negative patterns can feel overwhelming and cause you distress. Let go of any emotions that are holding you back. I find journaling very useful for this. Start to recognize your own emotions and their impact. Take personal responsibility for your thinking.

See obstacles as opportunities as you navigate your journey. Rejection is just a container for growth. Inside it holds a powerful lesson that if released will make you stronger, determined and more successful.

Be honest with your feelings in the context of your work and be open to your doubts and fears. This vulnerability is a powerful learning tool if you can be open to it.

Remember… there is no destination!

Keep growing!

 

Five ways to protect your confidence

By , June 20, 2013 7:15 pm

Thermometer - Confidence Level“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.” 

~ Ralph Waldo Emmerson

I love this quotation because it reminds me that growing and making change comes from taking action. Creating forward motion almost always brings criticism with it. Why? Because taking action tests the boundaries of our own beliefs and the beliefs of others, as we step out of our comfort zone to create a new normal.

It’s normal to feel a little ‘wobbly’ or scared when you are taking charge of your life and making some changes. After all, you are leaving behind what you already know to make a transition in a different direction.

This takes courage.

It’s easy to doubt yourself and lose confidence when others around you are telling you that you are wrong. Friends and family might criticize your decision. Someone else might be doing what you do in a different way, but it doesn’t feel congruent or authentic. Yet you still feel the pressure of how they are doing it because they seem to be getting results. Do you copy them? Or do you carve your own path and do it your own unique way?

Everyone has opinions of what you should do, but here’s the thing – their opinion of you or what you are doing is theirs and not yours! And their opinion doesn’t have to become your own reality.

You get to make your own decisions and you are accountable for the choices you make and the actions you take. You don’t need to ask for permission.

In my experience, most people underestimate their potential and play safe by reaching out for what is within their grasp, rather than stretching and aiming higher. The danger is that you settle for mediocre and what you have rather than what you could create.

As you grow, expect a few obstacles along the way. When you take action you create ripples of change in the energy around you. It’s very tempting to succumb to the belief that your critics were right after all. Especially if you feel tired and things are feeling a little harder.

Here are five ways to protect your confidence while taking consistent action towards your goals and dreams:

1. Surround yourself with the right people – Jim Rohn once said that you are the average of the five people who you spend most of your time with – we become like them. Growth thrives in a positive encouraging environment. Leave the naysayers and negative people behind. Associate with like-minded, nurturing, encouraging and supportive people. As you experience new things you will encounter difficulties. Having a positive sounding board will help you through. Surround yourself with positive people who are authentic, have integrity, and who are the after of your before. They will lift you up.

2. Listen to your body – Your physical needs also affect your confidence. Be fully present in your body and listen to it when you are tired, hungry or dehydrated. These three things can have a huge impact on your confidence. Their absence will have a negative affect on your attitude and state of mind. Take a break, eat healthily and look after yourself. Tired and exhausted people are rarely successful. Take a break – go for a walk!

3. Keep going and keep growing – Life is about the present moment. What you do NOW influences who you will become in the future. It starts NOW! Get clear on what’s important and create a plan of consistent action – one step at a time. You become an expert by taking time to learn about your passion. Increasing skills and competence will help you to feel more confident each and every day. Get good at what you do by practicing it imperfectly. Experience is a great teacher and can lead to significant growth.

4. Take personal responsibility for your thinking Choose to be courageous. Don’t be distracted by external noise – stay on course. Focus on your truth and what is important for you. Have faith in your intuition and believe in YOU. Learn to recognize your own emotions and their impact. Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions, strengths and limitations. Recognize how negative patterns can feel overwhelming and cause you distress. This is known as an amygdala hijack and it’s just your Lizard Brain trying to protect you. Learn to reframe these quickly.

5. Re-decide – Remind yourself of your WHY and in the face of self-doubt, get clear again. Make being authentic your number one goal and stick with it. Allow courage to overcome any fear. Don’t let fear rule your decisions, just because somebody has challenged you. People WILL push up against you – especially when you’re doing something different. Learn to rescue yourself and step back in alignment with your vision every day.

How are you protecting your confidence?

 

 

Becoming Human – Radio Interview with Elaine Bailey & Authenticity Radio

By , May 18, 2013 9:39 am

 

Becoming Human

Hey, wait a moment, I am human. What does it mean to be fully human?

Authenticity Radio invites you to come listen to guest Elaine Bailey explore the, “Authentic Human You.”

You can Listen Here: www.AuthenticityRadio.com

 

Being YOU is pretty damned amazing! So go out there and change the world! – Elaine Bailey


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How To Create Lift-Off…

By , April 3, 2013 6:40 pm

They say it takes up to 65% of an airplane’s fuel just to lift it off the ground.

Do you think that the pilots ever get to the point where they’ve used 55% of their fuel and they look at each other and say, ‘This thing’s not lifting yet, let’s just give up!’

Is there a point where you’ve given it all, the end of the runway is getting closer but you’re still not getting any lift? You just want to give up and walk away from what you’re trying to achieve.

I’ve felt this many times in my life when trying to shift negative patterns and habits that no longer serve me, or when I was putting all my time and effort into starting a new business but still not seeing any of the benefits from all my hard work.

Isn’t it just easier to give up, return to the gate, park up and go get a Starbucks?!

“Sorry folks your flight’s been cancelled, we’re not changing our lives today.”

Pilots know that during take-off there is a point of no return. This comes after a certain amount of throttle and speed has been engaged. You can no longer abort the take off. This is known as the critical point.

This point of no return is also true in our lives when returning to the gate is no longer an option.

Sometimes I feel like I’m tearing down the run way. My intention is clear, and I know that this change is important. I’m uncertain of what’s in front of me, yet I know I don’t want to go back to the old place I’m moving away from. I want to take off and fly; I’m just a little scared of the unknown. Like that pilot, I’ve reached my critical point and take off is my only option if I want to Live On Purpose.

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”

H.Ross Perot
American billionaire and former U.S presidential candidate

Persistence is a common quality of successful people. Sometimes it’s not going to be easy. You face obstacles and criticism that you may not have been able to predict. Sometimes you may feel that the Universe is testing you to the limit about your commitment to this goal.

It’s going to take a lot of energy to get lift off in your life.

I have learned the practice of persistence. Even when the going gets tough I refuse to give up. Instead I choose to learn and grow from each obstacle as I hang in there. I make my decisions from where I want to be and no matter how hard it seems, I eventually break through and create lift off.

As you are in the process of creating lift off in your own life, allow me to give you a five step safety demonstration.

1.    Fasten Your Seat Belt – Your seat belt is your Intention. It holds you in my seat. It keeps you grounded and secure in knowing your destination. It holds your attention, despite any turbulence (distraction). You can always adjust the strap, hone your focus and return to your intention.

2.    The Life Vest –Your life vest is there in case of the unlikely event of a water landing. It’s about having faith in yourself. Only you can know exactly what your life vest is, but mine are my supportive friends and my coach. What is your life vest?

3.    Read the Safety Card – Here’s a thing about that safety card. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves about the systems and processes that work. Even though we think we know them all too well. Use these systems and processes regularly by being persistent and not giving up after the first attempt because it was hard. It’s working through any obstacles, hanging in there, trusting the process, following the system despite not feeling like it.

4.    Put on Your Own Safety Mask First – The greatest gift that you can bestow on the world is a happy and healthy you. This is all about looking after yourself on many levels: physically, mentally and spiritually. One thing I’ve learned about me is that when things get so bad I forget about self-care. I then make bad decisions and I can’t get lift off. So I have to remember to go back and put on my own safety mask. Place a high value on your own Self-Care, and take good care of yourself.

5.    Enjoy the Flight – People think it’s all about the destination. It’s who you become on the destination. That’s what is so important. In fact who you become as you are creating lift off is more important than getting there.

So ladies and gentlemen…

“Fasten your seatbelts. Seatbacks in the upright position, and tray tables stowed…”

Let’s get this baby in the air!

What are you waiting for?!

By , March 20, 2013 7:01 pm

iStock_000015337955Small“How much of human life is lost in waiting”.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson, Lecturer and Poet

What are you waiting for just now?

  • The perfect client to walk through the door
  • That promotion I was promised
  • The right person to come into my life
  • The right time to leave my current job
  • For someone to notice the great work I’m doing
  • One more course or workshop that will teach me how to be a ……….

…These are just a few examples.

When you think about it we are ALL waiting for something…

I remember walking Belle the black labrador with my Dad on the beach at Alborough as if it were only yesterday (The reality is it was probably 25 years ago!).

We’d often talk about the children stories he was writing and how all the characters (The Camblesforth Bunnies) were getting into mischief! He talked about how One day he’d publish these books. One day he’d find out what needed to be done. One day he’d share them with the world.

My Dad was in a waiting room that lasted the rest of his lifetime.

These stories are still in a folder waiting…

He’d written and illustrated a series of short stories. One day as we were walking he told me that he was waiting for the right person to come along to give him the nudge and make things happen.

That person never showed up.

Sometimes the person you’re waiting isn’t going to show (they might not even exist) because the only person you are really waiting for is YOU.

I was coaching an executive this week whose long-term dream was possibly coming true: Her boss had been preparing her to step into his shoes. Suddenly he had decided to leave. This was the director’s role she’d always wanted. She now needed to step out and demonstrate that she was ready to secure the  secondment as a director. It was everything she’s been working towards.

You’d think she’d be excited and buzzing…

Now, she faced her own resistance of self worth and self-doubt and her confidence dipped. As the fear of stepping up became real, she started to push the role away…

Sometimes we create a false ceiling to hold us back because we just might actually pull it off! Fear kicks in and we create limiting beliefs that get in our own way of success. Gay Hendricks in his book called the Big Leap – calls this an Upper Limit Problem. We sabotage our own success because of our discomfort of a hidden fear inside that wants to keep up playing small. Our Lizard Brain is working overtime to protect us!  This is the last obstacle between you and success.

I believe that my Dad had an upper limit problem with his books. He’d got so far, then he got scared. The fear was enough for him to put the idea a side and allow himself to be distracted by something else.

What are you waiting for just now?

What would it be like if you decided to stop waiting and take a step towards what you want to create or have in your life?

I see opportunities as grains of sand in an hourglass… The hourglass turned when you were born and the grains of sand are falling through and slipping away.

Life is short and it’s easy to put things off because we believe that we have all the time in the world and we can come back to it and do it later.

…All you have is NOW… Now is where you can make things happen.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

  1. What are you waiting for just now?
  2. Why are you waiting?
  3. What is holding you back (is it real or perceived)?
  4. What would it be like if you decided to stop waiting and take a step towards what you want to to achieve in your life?
  5. What is the very first step you could take today?

You can choose to leave your waiting room – Reach through your fear to find the courage to take your very next step.

Remember… Courage is ALWAYS waiting at the other side of fear.

Don’t waste your life waiting…

Take a moment to think about this today…

 

 

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