Comments (2)

By elaine, June 6, 2013 2:32 am

“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.”

~ Abraham Maslow, psychologist

Did you know that most of us only use a small percentage of our ability and never reach our full potential? We settle for an average life, take average jobs with little desire to stretch out of our comfort zones to explore our own potential beyond our default position. We often fall into our careers and wait for things to happen to us rather than shaping and making it happen for ourselves.

We make excuses to justify why we didn’t make more of ourselves: The time wasn’t right, I didn’t have the money or the opportunity never presented itself. We believe our story and settle into patterns and habits, doing the same things with the same people and the years roll by. Rinse and repeat. Until one day you’re looking in the mirror at an old, tired person and saying to yourself: “What the hell am I doing with my life?!”

We are taught to blend in and follow the path of least resistance. While average feels safe it can also create a sense of unfulfillment – is this all there is? You are dissatisfied with your life or work, but can’t really articulate why.

Have you ever felt dissatisfied and wondered why things haven’t worked out the way you’d hoped? There’s a lot of pressure to follow the status quo. It’s easier to blend in with those around us, using them as pacesetters for our own life.

Here’s how my clients describe what average feels like to them:

• Plodding along
• Just getting on with it
• Mediocre
• Numb and dull
• No balls (sorry!) to stand up and do something different
• Passing the time away
• Waiting for something to happen
• Checking out and being lazy
• Stuck in a rut
• I should do something about it
• Maybe next year when… (Insert your own excuse here)

Personally, I’ve never wanted to be average at anything. When I worked in a bank NO ONE wanted an average appraisal. Average meant that you were written off; you had limited value and potential.

My own life continues to be full of stretching and reaching for a new normal, both in my professional and personal life. You have to create some tension to move out of your comfort zone and into uncharted territory if you want to create a new experience and a new normal for yourself. Sometimes it’s scary too.

Creating tension is what gets you going!

Here’s how…

It’s easy to stay where you are rather than to change and take a risk to become something different. The gap between the two seems wide and scary.

It’s a bit like having a back massage, when the masseur finds a knot… they have to apply some tension to increase the flow and flexibility of soft tissues and joints (…and getting rid of all those ‘knotty bits’). You have to do the same if you want to change.

It’s ALL about choice…

Here’s how to step away from average…

Where do you want to stretch? What areas of your life would you like to stretch and create some growth tension just now? How is NOT doing this making you feel? Where are you falling short of your potential?

What’s stopping you? Write down all the reasons WHY you’ve settled for the status quo. What excuses are you using to stay stuck? How are you getting in your own way? What is the story you are currently telling yourself? Re-write your story looking for a positive place to start.

Find the courage. Build your fire within and find the courage to push through your comfort zone – to break through your current mediocre mindset. Let go of things that no longer serve you, step away from the familiar and leave it behind. Explore the unknown and take a few risks if you want to change and grow. This is what life is all about (get a coach to help you)!

Embrace the tension. Lean into feeling uncomfortable. Recognize your growing pains and become your own masseur! It’s challenging to change and you will feel some resistance. Keep growing through it. Remember that any obstacles are the raw materials for your solutions. Create forward motion – don’t cling to the past. Take action in the present and begin to shape your own future today.

Keep growing! If you stop learning, you stop living. You become mentally and spiritually inactive. It’s like you die on the inside. Be curious! Looking forward and taking consistent action will fill you with energy. Create a strategy. It’s the small incremental things that you do each day that make a difference. Don’t take the foot off the gas when you’ve tasted success… Dream Big and go deep!

It’s your life!

Keep Going…Keep Flowing…Keep Growing!

Comments (1)

By elaine, May 29, 2013 4:37 pm

“Motivation is one thing – Keeping momentum is another. To Keep Growing YOU have to Keep Going!”

~ Elaine Bailey, Coach-Mentor, Author and Speaker

I first started writing blog posts in 2009. I was initially scared to put myself out there. But I made a commitment to write and post an article EVERY week.  I have posted EVERY week since I started, no matter what was going on in my busy life. I showed up, did the work and made it happen. I’m disciplined and consistent in my approach to writing.

It has paid off. My results have far exceeded my original goal: I’ve been invited on numerous radio interviews, published in English Textbooks, written chapters in books, spoken from the stage, and been given a scholarship to write my own book! These articles have also connected me to new coaching clients and corporate contracts.

What did I do to get all this?

…I showed up consistently and did the work!

It doesn’t matter how good you have been in the past, how talented you are or how many amazing opportunities are coming you way in the future…

Your performance is linked to discipline.

Consistency is the key to continued growth and achievement of your goals in whatever you want to achieve.

If you are inconsistent with your progress, you’ll do things when it’s convenient or when you remember and you’ll get inconsistent results. You’ll fall short of your desired results.

Other people will see your inconsistency. This will affect their perception of you and it could negatively affect your ability with clients or your chances of a promotion because:

“How you do anything is how you do EVERYTHING!”

 ~ Christine Kane, Mentor and Speaker

People sometimes come to me for coaching because they have mastered the job, but not mastered themselves. They come with their success stories of how awesome they’ve been in the past, but can’t understand why it’s not happening for them NOW.

Personal growth requires two things:

• Work mastery
• Self mastery

Knowing the work isn’t enough. You have to know yourself too to create habits that consistently set you up for success…

Your future success relies on your personal growth – you have to keep growing!

How to create consistency:

PURPOSE

You might start with a clear purpose and know what you want to achieve. Personal motivation and enthusiasm usually kick starts you into action.

Motivation is what gets you going. This alone won’t keep you growing because it can soon disappear once things start to get harder.  When this happens you have to dig deeper for your WHY and re-connect to your purpose to keep your motivation alive.

The more you understand WHY you want to do this, the more you are tuned in to your purpose, dedicated to growing towards it, and the greater your chances of success.

Know what motivates you and play to your motivational strengths when you’re stepping up to do the work each day (I motivate myself with a treat such as a walk when I’ve finished writing).

Get clear and then keep reconnecting to your purpose.

PROGRESS

If you are inconsistent with your progress you’ll probably become impatient, you’ll make excuses and your motivation will be replaced with resistance and discouragement. It’s easy to let your good intentions slip or give up altogether.

• Begin from where you are and start with the basics.
• To gain momentum and increase motivation you need to break down big goals into small action steps that are doable.
• Focus on one step, then the next.
• Show up EVERY day – whether you feel like it or not.
• Consistency is the path that leads you from an idea/goal to your outcomes and results. Walk this path daily – make it a habit.

These small incremental steps guided by discipline are what keeps momentum flowing and leads to great things! Little and often is the key.

Successful people show up and do the tedious work when it needs to be done.

Getting into the habit of working through what needs to be done. You may not enjoy doing every aspect, but every step takes you closer to your outcome.

Find away to value the process. Appreciate every moment of the journey.

PERFORMANCE

A common mistake is to attempt too much too soon in your haste to race to the finishing line.  This affects your performance and your results fall short of your desired outcomes.

Be conscious of your performance and keep checking in on how you are doing and what you still need to learn. Believe me – you’re never done!

Feedback is a great tool. What are people saying about the work you’re doing? What do you need to stop doing?

It’s okay to do things imperfectly and learn as you grow.

Being consistent isn’t always easy. You have to learn and lean into it and make it part of your daily or weekly routine.

Where do you need to be more disciplined in your life?

Comments (0)

By elaine, March 13, 2013 3:36 pm

The No. 1 common challenge for many of my coaching clients is the problem of getting things done!

Most of us have been on numerous time management workshops and read books on the subject. We know what we should do, but we still can’t seem to apply the strategy consistently.

Having the tools, processes or strategy is one thing…Setting your thinking and programming your inner dialogue for success is another!

Here are the top five reasons for not getting things done that I’ve experienced when coaching and training my clients (Oh! And I’ve observed a few of them in myself too!):

Overcomplicating things – It’s easy to become overwhelmed and create a complex strategy for something that is relatively simple. If you have too much to remember: doing this, not doing that and worrying about the other, then you become anxious and worn out and nothing gets done. You’ll look for other distractions.

You keep a complex plan in your head – You add to the problem by trying to keep a complex plan in your head. Relying on your brain as a storage device to remember EVERYTHING doesn’t work! Have you ever thought you’d remember stuff, then when you’ve gone back to it later, you can’t remember the detail and have to start all over again?

“I’m just not very organized…” This label is an excuse to give you permission to stay stuck. The reality is that you are VERY organized at being UNORGANIZED: You are following entrenched old habits and patterns. They just take you to a negative outcome. You’re just organizing the wrong things! See the pattern here? You may feel out of control, perhaps your emotions have taken over.

Quality of your inner dialogue – If I say to you: ‘Don’t think of the colour blue…’ What do you do first? You think of blue before you decide not to think about it! So if you’re saying to yourself: ‘I mustn’t forget to…’ you are programming yourself to forget! This is known as a bad command in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) terms. If you repeat this to yourself, you are likely to forget! You are focusing on forgetting rather than remembering!

You are too busy to think about it – You are stuck in the ‘do-do’ of doing and don’t take time to think something through to decide how you might do it differently. You wallow in procrastination. Thinking seems too easy to do so you resist or you perceive that it’s not a valuable use of time.

Here are some potential solutions:

1. Clear out the mental clutter – You can over-plan and over-strategize. So step back and get rid of the clutter. You might have far too many steps in the process, or you’re going into too much detail.

• Lighten the load by simplifying your process.
• Place high value on simplicity!
• Look for an easier route. You have to choose the right strategy for the situation.

2. Get out of your own way – Are you fighting with yourself, getting caught up in drama and creating feelings that are sabotaging your progress? Notice what is going on inside – write it down. You don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself.

• Become organized at being organized!
• What needs to change?
• What would being organized look like for you?
• Lose the label and dump the excuse of being unorganized.

You can do this!

3. Change your language – Listen to your inner dialogue. Are you giving yourself bad commands? Remember if you’re saying to yourself: ‘Don’t forget to call Jenny.’ You are actually saying: ‘Forget to call Jenny.’ You are more likely to forget! Change the quality of your inner dialogue by turning it around to something like: ‘I will remember to phone Jenny today.’ Give yourself commands in a positive way.

4. Make time to think it through – Allow thinking time! Use visualization as a tool to set your mind for success. See yourself making the call to Jenny:

• What are you saying?
• When are you calling her?
• Walk this through in your mind several times.
• Then take action straight away to make it happen.
• Make a post-it note and keep it in sight so this call is your mental radar today.

You are re-training your brain to get things done. Simple strategies work well. Think simple!

5. Attitude changes everything – To change your thinking you need to change your perspective towards the situation. The situation IS the situation, it doesn’t change – you are wherever you are right now. If you know that this is something you should do, then change your attitude towards it. This is what is holding you back.

• What would it be like to be in control or on top of this situation?
• What are you doing?
• What are you saying?
• How are you acting?
• How will you feel when you’ve completed it?
• What difference will it make?

Having a coach can help take responsibility for getting things done.

Clear out the rubbish in your current strategies for getting things done, stop fighting yourself, listening to your negative inner dialogue, and getting lost in the mountain of steps in your process.

Simplicity is everything! Look for a more effortless path and don’t be so hard on yourself!

Comments (4)

By elaine, March 6, 2013 8:00 am

“I’m stuck… I do a great job but I’m invisible to others. I’ve been told to ‘get out there more’ and promote myself – become more visible. I’m frightened of what others might think if I start talking about how good I am. Being visible feels false and fills me with fear!”

Extract from an email – Jenny, A frightened coaching client

There’s no shortage of people waiting to tell you how to fit in. They are happy to explain: ‘how we do things ’round here,’ show you what you’re doing wrong, criticize you, correct you, and offer advice.

Fitting in is the social norm. Keeping your head down and not rocking the boat creates an easier life.

This advice can be overwhelming. We are really good at creating and maintaining the status quo (especially in the UK!).

Over time, fitting in becomes the norm and standing out is perceived as arrogant, egotistical, fool hardy or career limiting. Especially in this current climate! (Yes! This excuse fits perfectly.)

So standing out is certainly a much riskier strategy… isn’t it?

Have you noticed… there’s no one pushing you to stand out? Where are these people? Often you are on your own (especially in corporate!)…

I see fitting in and standing out like two people sat on a see saw. Our minds often struggle up and down with this:

• Fit in too much and you’ll blend into the background. Nothing much happens. You become invisible and limit success by hiding in the shadows. Occasionally someone may get a glimpse of your true value.

• Standing out requires you to step into the spotlight, sharing your ideas and making an emotional connection with others. As you receive exposure and attention your Lizard Brain equates this to danger (our ancestors didn’t want attention – this could mean death…). No wonder you feel resistance – all the alarm bells are going off in your amygdala!

This is what had happened to Jenny. She’s an expert in her field and does a great job (often taken for granted). She was hiding her value and only those close to her knew about it. This limited her potential and her career stagnated.

Most of us don’t have anyone to push us forward. Many of us are happy just to fit in for an easier life.

Jenny was frustrated and unhappy. She was working hard and not being recognized and the same time she was scared of being in the spotlight. Her seesaw was working overtime!

Being successful means that you sometimes have to stand out from the shadows and allow your light to shine. In Jenny’s case, she was tired of not getting the recognition she deserved. By increasing her visibility she was able to build her marketability and leverage in the business and share her value with more people.

Here’s how to stand out:

1.    Know your Biology. Understanding how your Lizard Brain tries to protect you from threat enables you to deal with any resistance. You are able to change how you think and move beyond it (I regularly coach clients through this).

2.    Create your own map. Stop being an order taker waiting for instructions from the Status Quo Committee. Create your own status quo! If you take orders you can’t create your own value and share it with others. Do it your way… chart your own path and create your own value. Be YOU.

3.    Know where you’re going. Have clarity about what you want to achieve and WHY it’s important to you.

• What does it look like, sound like or feel like?
• Create your own direction and plan your first step. Planning may take time but it’s time well spent.

4.    Make a deliberate choice. Your value is created by what you choose to do. Most of us know what we should do but we don’t do it. Thinking is not voluntary! Choice is about thinking and feeling, not just as a reaction in the moment when you are a victim of your thoughts. Generate possibilities and choose intentionally. Decide to overcome any anxiety or fear associated with your decision to stand out.

5.    Put the work in. Be prepared to put in whatever is necessary to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Others may criticize you – know that this is a natural part of the process. Practice, practice, practice – be imperfectly perfect you’ll make a few mistakes along the way.

6.    It’s ALL about connection. Learn how to authentically talk about what you do and the value it gives. It’s a gift to be able to serve others and help them to achieve their goals. You don’t work in a vacuum – you are doing a dis-service if you don’t share what you do with those who might need your help.

7.    Learn how to be happy. Does your work match your passion for it? Or does your passion match your work? You can’t just BE happy, but you can learn to do things in a happy way. Pay ATTENTION to enjoying the process of what you are doing. Make things enjoyable even when talking to others about what you do and how it might help them.

We’re waiting for you to walk into your spotlight and Stand out!

Comments (5)

By elaine, July 24, 2012 9:58 pm

“Our criticisms always reflect how we feel about ourselves; they mask our fear that we don’t measure up.”

~ Karen Casey, Author

We’ve all criticized someone else and while it feels like we are getting some relief and making us feel better, this is not usually the case!

So why do we do it?

I believe that we criticize others to mask our own insecurities and fear that perhaps we’re not good enough. Criticism is like your reflection in water, it reflects back an image of how you feel about yourself.

Instead of owning these feelings you twist and contort yourself and try to avoid it by projecting your judgment onto someone else.

Deep down inside when you are criticizing someone else you are strengthening your own insecurity and inferiority. You are actually making yourself smaller. It becomes a vicious circle of denial and projection.

Being locked into these prejudicial thoughts impacts and influences everyone and everything around you.

Here’s what I know about judging other people:

1. It never really makes you feel better – you often feel worse afterwards.
2. It doesn’t make you more peaceful when you mind is full of judgments and criticism.
3. It doesn’t make your fear go away – it reinforces it at a deeper level.
4. Judgments can damage relationships.
5. It’s your ego talking and trying to protect you by setting you apart from others as better, bigger, more powerful.

Next time you feel tempted to judge someone else – catch yourself before you say anything and check in on your own feelings. Firstly, notice how uncomfortable you feel. What’s coming up for you? Envy? Shame? Guilt? Anger? These are all great and powerful teachers – listen and learn from them.

Making a conscious choice NOT to judge others will improve your  self-awareness, self-worth and self-respect.

This is also very peaceful.

Comments (1)

By elaine, June 19, 2012 4:18 pm

“Self-discipline is the magic power that makes you virtually unstoppable.”

~ Dan Kennedy, Business Success Guru and Author

Okay… I have to admit that most of us are easily distracted. We are almost willing to be de-railed from our work plans by any bright shiny object that happens to come onto our radar!

This is especially true for me if it’s something that I don’t really want to do or it feels like hard work! (This can lead to procrastination and avoidance if not addressed.)

Many of us know what we should do but we have little self-discipline to make it happen. Instead we use labels such as I’m too busy or I didn’t have time rather than leaning in and committing to our intention. It’s a form of inner laziness that prevents us from getting things done.

I regularly see examples of this in the business world. Here are a few examples:

• Individuals who can’t seem to make it to meetings on time.
• Arriving late and unprepared for pre-booked coaching sessions (I make individuals re-book!).
• An entrepreneur who never quite gets around to marketing because something else always needs to be done first.

People who arrive late are often also unprepared for work. This lack of focus and attention wastes time, because they have to catch up before giving any value.

I’ve noticed that a common theme for many people with time management challenges is the lack of self-discipline.

Okay… I’ll admit it – some days I feel secretly lazy (especially when it is sunny!). It’s a challenge because I wake up having an inner fight to force myself to get up and get things done. It’s hard work challenging my lazy self to get on with what needs to be done. Sometimes I’d just rather sit back and have an easy day at home. After all, I’m the boss and I can do whatever I want! I have these secret lazy feelings also around keeping fit, whether it’s hiking or going to the gym (I LOVE it once I’m doing it!).

Instead of allowing this to take control, I’ve had to become extremely self-disciplined… Self-discipline is a powerful antidote to procrastination.

Without self-discipline your thinking and self-management principles are inconsistent and you’ll easily get distracted.

Self-discipline neutralizes the laziness and gives you the ability to get things done and to get it right the first time. Excuses and old habits fall away as you begin to move forward, take control and get things done.

Here’s how to encourage self-discipline:

1. Make a weekly plan and work out in advance what you want to achieve. This helps you to stay focused and feel in control of what needs to be done. Over time you can feel the momentum of making things happen. Stick to the plan – hold firm! Remind yourself what’s important.

2. Show up! At the scheduled time and be prepared and ready to work. Yes… It’s that simple…It’s common sense, but NOT always common practice. This includes showing up for ALL appointments that you make with yourself!

3. Meet your deadlines and commitments. This alone will make you more successful. More opportunities will start to present themselves and others will be attracted to you because you’re making things happen. Success breeds success.

4. Do it even when you don’t feel like it. Self-discipline requires a 100% commitment. It’s not just a fair-weather thing! It takes huge self-discipline to productivity invest energy and time to your intentions. This investment pays off every time. Be aware of those lazy voices in your head and challenge them EVERY time!

5. Take deliberate action. Take action and make things happen. Every day consciously do something towards your Intention – Small steps. Get deliberate in your thoughts and behaviours. This will inspire you to make different choices and create new habits. Get going!

All successful people have self-discipline. It’s a necessity that requires continual work every single day.

Self-discipline is a choice that enables you to chart your own path and create value by getting things done! There’s a huge difference between someone who talks about it and someone who actually gets things done!

Which one are you?

Comments (2)

By elaine, April 14, 2012 5:25 pm

“Resistance is a repelling force. It’s negative. It’s aim is to shove us away, distract us, prevent us from doing our work.”

Steven Pressfield, Author

Resistance is a challenge for everyone from time to time.

I’ve helped my clients work through resistance when it has created self-doubt, procrastination, fear, low self-esteem and even self-sabotage in their business, projects or home life.

Resistance is a powerful nasty beasty!

I have been on the receiving end of it many times in my own life.

Resistance can kill your goals and dreams and destroy your confidence all at the same time.

It’s a powerful enemy within that feeds off your Lizard brain – that niggling voice in your head that says: “Do it tomorrow instead.” Or “Who do you think you are?!”  It turns positive momentum and hope into stone.

The truth is that EVERYONE has THAT voice in his or her head in the same way that everyone breathes. It’s natural and part of your human defenses. But that doesn’t mean it’s always right!

Resistance holds you back, throws you off course and won’t let go until it takes your ideas and goals and destroys them – you give up.

Perhaps you’ve started a business or you’re working on a project…

You get into a rhythm when good things are happening. You achieve momentum and everything flows. It’s like the Universe is pulling everything together and things are moving at a fast pace. There’s a quickening as things unfold for you.

…Then you hit the wall. Something happens or goes wrong. You lose confidence, despite being two-thirds through the project and the end was almost in sight. You’ve invested so much in time, energy and not to mention money, then it all feels like it’s slipping away from you.

Panic sets in as the tide turns, you feel out of control and can’t stop it. Your confidence drains away as the voice in your head returns to tell you that you’re not cut out for this and you’re the biggest loser in town.

Suddenly failure becomes an option and you’re scared. What was fun now feels very dark.

You can’t negotiate or reason with resistance because your inner Lizard is working overtime.

Resistance isn’t the end – though sometimes it can feel like it! Resistance is just testing your resolve. It’s part of the process. You can get through to the other side.

Here’s how:

1. Recognise your enemy – Resistance is self-created. It’s noisy and feels real but it’s not the big monster you might perceive it to be. Recognising this is extremely important.  YOU always have the power of free will. You can override your resistance at any time by taking conscious action. You get to choose whether you stay stuck or not.

2. Reconnect to your WHY – Your passion is like an antidote. It can de-solve any fear associated with your resistance. Reconnect to your passion and draw energy from it by answering the following two questions and use these as your touchstones as you’re working through:

WHY do I want to do this?

How badly do I want to succeed?

3. Remember it’s just part of the process – Resistance is just part of the journey: First you have an idea – then you have resistance – then you create a system or process to work through it and take consistent action.

4. Get help – Fight resistance with assistance! Help yourself by setting up a daily ritual or system that gets you into the habit of showing up and taking action. Create affirmations or goal cards and look at them regularly to visualize success. Sometimes it feels harder because you feel alone. Enlist help from others who have experienced what you’re experiencing now. They can guide you through.

5. Accept that things go wrong – You can’t always prepare for it but shit happens! Sometimes things don’t work. There’s a difference between quitting and feeling like quitting. Failure means that we have to grow – it’s all about learning. You’re compelled to figure it out. You are presented with the raw materials for your solution. Work the problem to create your solution.

6. Hang in there – Completing is not for the faint hearted. Yes it takes hard work and stamina to finish. There might be many obstacles along the way. But all the hard work is for nothing if you don’t show up to finish. This sometimes requires extra energy and drive to see it through and it’s the most difficult bit – but it’s worth it! Sometimes you have to reach in for that extra bit of courage.

Resistance invisibly thrives when self-sabotage, self-doubt, low confidence, procrastination, and fear takes hold. The more important your call to action, the greater the sense of resistance you’ll feel. It’s a natural part of life. You can hide from it and hope it goes away, or consciously work through it.

You ALWAYS have a choice…