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By elaine, February 26, 2011 11:56 am

“You don’t have to let yourself be terrorised by other people’s expectations of you.”

Sue Patton Theole, Author – Courage to Be Yourself.

Do you ever feel like Indiana Jones running away from that big round boulder in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark??

Instead of a big ball of stone chasing you, it’s your workloads, boss, family and friends all wanting a piece of you!

Most people I talk to haven’t got enough time. They are struggling with productivity at work. Unconsciously, they feel compelled to take more work on than they can realistically achieve. It’s a form of self-deception fuelled by the need to impress the boss or because everyone else seems to be doing it. They’re stuck in a rut of reactivity and chaos.

You eventually get home and your partner, kids and even the family dog wants a piece of you! So it doesn’t stop…

Here’s the challenge…

Striving to stay ahead of that rolling ball is exhausting!

• You don’t want to let anyone down
• You’re frightened to admit that you can’t do it all

Trying to keep up with all these expectations means that you become thinly spread over a wider surface area.  Your own priorities go unaddressed such as thinking time, rest, quality time with the family. It’s like stretching a rubber band further and further until the tension is so great that it SNAPS…

Are you taking on more that you can comfortably deliver?

Here’s how to get out of the rut:

1. You CAN’T DO it all! To be successful you have to learn how to be selective. The truth is that you can’t DO IT ALL… It’s impossible. For example, Trying to take on the workload of three other people who resigned at work is INSANE and IMPOSSIBLE (I coached someone this week who was trying to do this!!). Selectivity starts by NOT adding more to your already busy schedule – It’s about eliminating things that are of low value and don’t help you in achieving your goals. Then focus on things that give you High Value results.

2. Get clear on your High Value Work (HVW) – What is REALLY important to you? What are your dreams and goals? What is going to make you more successful, keep you healthy, increase your income and help you to create and maintain your desired lifestyle? HVW can be anything important to you in your life. HVW includes time for thinking, being creative, relaxing, regenerating, learning and sleeping! You focus your time effort and energy here!

2. Identify your Low Value Work (LVW) – What is distracting you from your goals and dreams? These are tasks, demands, other people’s agendas and time stealers that suck your energy and time but have low or no pay-off. They take us off course because we become distracted and unfocused. Some are old habits and patterns. Look for opportunities to delegate, automate or delete your LVW.

3. Define standards and boundaries – Standards are your own personal policies – what you will do and say ‘Yes’ to. Boundaries are the limits and what you will say ‘No’ to. Setting boundaries and communicating them clearly teaches people how to treat you. It gives others guildelines on ‘how we do things around here.’ Most people respect boundaries once they’ve been communicated. Write a ‘Here’s what I do…’ and a ‘Here’s what I don’t do’ list for yourself. Remember to maintain your boundaries otherwise people will begin to trespass on your time!

4. Get good at saying NO - You have to learn how to step into your power and become the leader of YOU. Saying No and pushing back on other people’s agendas and distractions stops you handing control over to others. Successful people are able to say no without feeling guilty. You’re saying no to others so you can say yes to YOU.

5. Have some discipline -Most of us are undisciplined. We know what we should be doing or where our focus ought to be. We then allow busy-ness to takeover. Discipline involves you getting good at concentrating your attention away from any distraction and focusing it on your daily priorities and longer term goals. It’s about having focus and reminding yourself daily about what’s important.

You are the source of your time. Stop being a victim of it.

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By elaine, October 9, 2010 7:26 pm

“Just five more minutes..!”

Elaine J Bailey, Budding Author, aged 11.

At the age of eleven I’d already written four full sized novels. My ‘Auntie Mabel’ (who lived a few houses away) always took an interest in my writing and would ask me about the latest one. She’d then buy the only copy when it was finished.

I was so thrilled that I had a dedicated following! I’d write for her.

My dedication was such that when the letter ‘m’ fell off my typewriter (yes it was in the dark ages before computers!) I painstakingly wrote every ‘m’ in the book by hand!

I’d get lost in the flow of writing, stepping into the story and becoming all the characters as they were typed onto the page. I was no longer sitting at the dining room table. I was immersed in the story and didn’t want it to end. I was hooked!

‘It’s bed time now. You have to stop for today!’ …Brought me back to my dining room reality and every evening I’d begin my negotiations with my parents. I’d ask for ‘Just five more minutes,’ and try to extend my writing time as long as I could. Even though I was tired I WANTED to continue writing.

Fast forward to 2010…

As an entrepreneur and coach, I am still blessed with the same passion for writing I used to have as an eleven year old girl. Little Elaine still lives  in my head and shows up when I’m in the flow of something or if  I have loads of deadlines to meet. She pushes me hard to get things done.

Little Elaine is destructive because she doesn’t know when to stop. She takes over and before I know it the clocks are chiming midnight even though I have to be up at 5.30 am the following day!

The next morning I’m tired and I annoyed that I allowed Little Elaine to stay up late to have ‘Just five more minutes’ more!

Little Elaine doesn’t have a healthy approach to workloads, she creates an environment of busy-ness, overwhelm and burn-out.

Here’s how I make Little Elaine to bed when she shows up:

1. Are YOU Tired? Are YOU Hungry? – Listen to your body – it is VERY wise. My coach taught me this… Eating and sleeping are usually the first things to suffer when we are working long hours. We go without proper meals and the right amount of sleep. Our well-being is reduced to a low priority on that huge list of things we already have to do. We ignore the signals from our body as we drive on with more effort to get stuff done. In the short term this is usually okay, providing we allow a period of recovery time afterwards. But how often do we remember to do this? If it is sustained busy-ness will get a tighter grip because we are physically and mentally weaker. The perfect recipe for overwhelm and burnout.

2. Show Up, Start, and Stop! Don’t overdo it! – Become your own parent! This not about trying to get everything done today. Set yourself a start and finish time in your schedule and stick to it. If you can’t trust yourself to stop, set a timer and put it across the room, so you have to get up to turn it off. This breaks the circuit of sitting there and working. Otherwise you’ll get lost in the flow and not know when to stop.

3. Continue Tomorrow – It’s okay…really to set time to show up the next day to continue. Follow #2 to ensure that you don’t lose yourself in long hours of over working. Remember… You can ALWAYS carry on from where you left off. You will be much more productive after a break too!

I still use this technique today when I’m locked into the workaholic tendency of ‘keep’ going and Little Elaine is trying to take me over to get it all done NOW!

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By elaine, May 25, 2010 10:33 am

“I almost want someone to say to me, “you’d be really good at …..” and then I’d go off, do what I needed to do to do that, and then actually be good at it and enjoy it – happy ever after!”

Jenny, one of my international clients.

It can feel really hard to be stuck and not sure what you want to do with your… (Insert any of the following: life, career, relationship, etc).

Jenny does know that she wants to make some changes in her life. She’d made a list of possible career options, though wasn’t really sure that any of these ideas interested her enough to take them to the next level. Was it that she wasn’t really committed to any of these things? May be it was because that negative person on her shoulder was saying, ‘what’s the point, you won’t be able to do any of them anyway because… (Insert your own negative thinking response here such as: ‘you’re too old,’ or ‘you don’t have any qualifications,’ or ‘you’d never be any good at it.’ etc)’

In times like this wouldn’t it be wonderful if your coach, partner, best friend or boss could simply say: “You’d be really good at…” and solve the confusion for us? With the mystery solved and you could go off and enjoy the rest of your life, as Jenny says “happy ever after!”

I have experienced confusion and waiting around for someone else to come and save me and tell me what I needed to do. They never came.

Trust me… you’ll be waiting a very long time! People will offer advice and ideas, though often their solutions are based on their own opinions of what you should do and not necessarily what you want to do.

The answer lies within…

Stop waiting and start creating your own life. YOU are actually the person that YOU are waiting for!

We all have the gift of  intuition. Have you ever thought about a friend and a few minutes later the phone rings and it’s your friend is calling you? Or, you’re in the shower and suddenly you solve that work problem that you were struggling with all day.

You intuition is always communicating with you but sometimes in the busy-ness of life, we don’t bother to listen or it gets lost in the noise around us.

“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you, and you don’t know how or why.”

Albert Einstein, Physicist and Nobel laureate.

He’s how to tap into your intuition and begin to listen to your Wise-Self…

• Make time to listen to your intuition – The best time for this to happen is usually when you are relaxed and more open to receiving information. Schedule time to relax. Some of the following might help you:
  • go for a walk
  • meditate
  • lie on your back and watch the clouds in the sky
  • take a shower or a long relaxing bath
  • listen to nature
  • go jogging
  • listen to music that inspires you
  • take time to reflect
  • plan some thinking time into your day
  • practice some deep breathing
• Journal writing – Allow your intuition to speak to you through pen and paper. Focus on images, words, emotions and/or any physical sensations that you experience while thinking about the situation. It’s amazing how powerful writing can be. Intuition may show up straight away, or it may appear two days later while you’re walking the dog. Journaling can really help you to release your thinking and awaken your creativity.

• Explore the possibilities – Try each one on for size, like you would try on new clothes. What does it feel like, look like and sound like? Become the explorer in your life.  This will help your intuition to find a way to speak to you.

• Look out for the Goose Bumps! – Intuition can talk to us in many ways. For me, I get a tingling sensation and goose bumps on my lower arms. It’s like a zap of energy flowing out from my soul! I know to take notice of it, as it’s usually very wise. It might come to you many ways. For example as a hunch, a visual image, a sense of relief, a release of tension or a voice saying ‘Just do it!’ Sometimes it’s just a sense of knowing. These are usually followed by a sense of laser-like clarity and focus. It just feels right. You might then start to feel excited or passionate. Your intuition will also warn you and let you know if something is not right. You may experience these as a feeling of confusion or concern. You may feel drained, bored or the voice in your head is saying ‘Don’t do it!’ Again, these are clear messages from your intuition. You just know.

• Take action – Act on your intuition as soon as possible. This doesn’t mean quit your job straight away! This means act on the information. Learn to trust it and follow it. Have faith in yourself.

You have the key to Unlock Your Life’s Potential.

So STOP WAITING and START CREATING today… listen to your deeper voice.

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By elaine, May 17, 2010 7:56 pm

“I’m struggling meeting my commitments to myself. Every time I plan to have some ME TIME I get really busy or something comes up and I end up staying back at work or helping someone else out!”

This was a conversation that one of my clients, Jenny, had with me recently. She was frustrated because her ME TIME or personal time, was always leaking off her agenda.

Did you know that you actually can’t manage time? We all have the same amount: 168 hours per week. There is no more time. So time management is actually about managing events in time. Some events we feel in control of, others we don’t.

Jenny’s frustrations were resolved as she learned how to become the Events Manager in her own life!

It’s easy to let busy-ness hemorrhage into Me Time because you have so much to do. You become reactive to the chaos around you. Me Time becomes the poor relation getting ignored as your working day becomes longer and you start to feel out of control.

Sometimes we decide to work longer hours to get things done. This is perfectly okay providing that you feel that you are making this decision from a place of choice rather than it being imposed upon you. If you feel that the decision is imposed it can lead to pressure and stress.

Here’s how you can become your own Events Manager in your life:

1. Decide what you can control and start to control it – Consider what is in your own circle of influence. You have control over more than you think. For example, you control the time you get up, what food you eat, whether you exercise or not, what job you do etc… Take responsibility and ownership for what you can control.
2. Set clear boundaries for your working hours – Make a clear distinction between your working hours and time for YOU. Plan in advance how long you intend to work each day. Sometimes the unexpected happens, but if you don’t know when you intend to finish work, it’s easy just to carry on. See Stepping Out of the Do-Do Part #3
3. Give yourself the night off – Set an alarm to remind you to leave work on time one night a week. Make an appointment with YOU instead. Switch off your Iphone/Blackberry and laptop when you finish work. There is life outside the inbox! See device addiction.
4. Create some ‘Me Time’ – How much time per week do you actually give yourself for personal time?  Often we say to ourselves: ‘I’ll go to the gym next week.’ Next week ends up being as busy as this week, so the gym never happens. Learn to value and schedule your personal time in advance. Show up for your appointments with YOU. YOU are worth it! It’s where you rest, restore your batteries and ‘live.’ Allow a little Me Time every day.
5. Learn to say no – Be realistic about what you are able to achieve. Sometimes we say ‘Yes’ when we should be saying ‘no’ because we already have so much work to do and we’re frightened to let other people down. “Give me more work. Look I can do it all!” So your employers, families and friends increase their demands upon you.

Who’s the Events Manager in your life?

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By elaine, April 21, 2010 11:10 pm

“There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it is convenient. When you’re committed to something you accept no excuses, only results.”

Ken Blanchard – Author

So you’ve set yourself a clear goal or intention. For example, you have decided to improve your fitness level. So you set an intention to go to the gym twice a week.

Things start off well and you get to the gym 2 times a week for the first two weeks. You’re making progress and then…

Life gets in the way!

You have to work longer hours or you’re too busy and too tired to exercise. Your actions become inconsistent and progress towards your goal stops.You get frustrated and wonder why achieving your goal is so hard to do.

Here’s the thing…

Once you have set a goal or intention then you have to make a 100% commitment to that outcome if you really want it to happen.Not 50% or 60% or 90%

100% commitment or bust!

Here’s what 100% commitment looks like:

• If you are committed to your goal then there are no excuses, only results
• You have discipline – It’s just part of your daily practice
• It’s a done deal
• You’ve made the decision – you’re committed to making it happen
• You don’t have to think about it anymore. The decision has been made – you’re doing it
• There is no debate in your head
• Life is easier and you have focus
• This is not negotiable
• You observe the boundaries you’ve made to make this happen
• You turn up every day despite obstacles and not feeling like it no matter what the circumstances

Here’s what just being interested looks like:

• You do it inconsistently – only when you remember or ‘feel like it’
• You can find excuses NOT to do it
• You wake up each morning fighting the voices in your head over whether to ‘do it’ today or ‘not’ or ‘I’ll start it tomorrow’
• You make excuses during the day to justify your lack of commitment to this goal. “I haven’t got the time.” “It’s not my fault.” “I should have…” “I’m too tired.” “I deserve a day off.”
  
• You make hesitant attempts to start but easily give up
• You’re still fighting with the decision even though you’ve already made it
• You (and the committee in your head) debates the topic over and over
• You feel frustrated because you know what you should do, you just don’t do it!

The truth is that if you’re only interested in your goal then realistically you’re not going to achieve it.

Successful people really commit to their intentions. How much do you really WANT yours?

It’s got to be 100% commitment!

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By elaine, March 30, 2010 12:22 am

Note: This is Part 3 of a mini-series.To read Part 1, click here. To read Part 2, click here.

Not ‘Do-Do’ but ‘Think-Do.’

When Busy-ness and overwhelm takes over it’s easy to forget how to think. We become driven by doing and we get hooked into trying to do everything!

We also feel that we should be able to do everything!

Focusing on doing rather than thinking stops us from asking ourselves why we are struggling or how we could do it differently. We dis-engage our logical thinking processes.

Getting stuck in the Do-Do is often driven by one of our strongest and most hardwired emotions: fear. This is a key driver of living reactively.

• Fear of getting it wrong
• Fear of criticism
• Fear of letting others down
• Fear of not being able to do it all
• Fear of being unworthy
• Fear of not living up to our own or others expectations of us
• Fear of being seen as a ‘fraud’
• Fear of saying NO

Fear overrides our thinking and our ability to be realistic about what we are able to achieve. Our emotions take over and run the show. Logical and rational thinking is replaced by chaos, desperation and overwhelm.

There is a difference between just doing things (unconscious action) and taking conscious action. Conscious action is where are activities are defined, deliberate and purposeful. Actions are realistic and do-able.

Here are some strategies to help your thinking:

1. Address your fears head on

“Fear of failure is actually overrated as an excuse.”

Seth Godin, Author, Tribes

People are usually more frightened of blame and criticism than failure. The fear of criticism can be a powerful deterrent, and the criticism doesn’t have to happen for fear to set in.

• list the fears associated with YOUR busy-ness.
• re-read this list and view them objectively as if  this was your best friend’s list and you were giving advice to him/her
• what is the worst thing that could happen here?
• write down exactly what you need to accomplish in the coming week. This helps you to re-focus and re-awaken your logical thinking

2. ‘Think’ before you ‘Do’

For example, in our working life it is easy to forget that we are paid to think as well as do. Why? Because doing is the tangible action stuff. Thinking can be seen as non-action and lazy. So it is seen as a nice thing to do, if I have the time!

Thinking and planning a head is SO under-rated because of the illusion that in the time I have to think about it, I could have done it! It’s not perceived as productive. Instead we panic and the action we take is random, unplanned and unfocused.

Here are four practical self-management tips. You already know these, BUT do you actually use them?

1. To-Do Lists – to write down the tasks that have to be done
2. Prioritize -This focuses on two elements: 1) relationships and 2) results. It helps you to stay On Purpose. What are the 1-2 important things that you need to focus your time on today? Small home runs will help you to experience how good it feels to complete something. This includes scheduling some time for me! See Circuit Breakers.
3. Diaries and schedules – to plan in what I have to do and when I’m going to do it. This activity can stop procrastination by chunking down large overwhelming tasks into small do-able actions. Give each action a time e.g. 10am – 11 am. Show up at 10am, set a timer and just do it!
4. Be imperfect - Flexibility is the key. Be prepared to re-prioritize and don’t expect perfection EVERY day. If you are a perfectionist, then these tools can restrict you because you can feel over-scheduled and rigid. You are not a robot! Priorities change so allow flexiability – it’s okay!

How much time do you actually spend thinking, planning and writing down your activities before you do them?

Value the importance of Thinking as well as Doing.

Want some more techniques? Why not download my FREE GIFT on the right of this page:‘Are You In Busy-ness or Business? Four Ways to Get Your Life Back on Purpose.’ This download will really help you think and do!

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By elaine, March 23, 2010 12:28 am

Note: This is Part 2 of a mini-series. To read Part 1, click here.

Living reactively is exhausting because you are constantly living in chaos and waiting for the next crisis to happen.

Here’s how this used to be for me:

The yammering voices in my head never stopped telling me what I must, ought or should be doing. They made me work longer hours. Sometimes they’d wake me in the middle of the night to remind me about something I’ve forgotten to do or to give me something else to worry about. Sometimes as I woke up the next morning I’d get a flat feeling as all my to-do’s rushed through the mental fog to great my consciousness. I’d begin my day by freaking out over my workloads before I got out of bed!

I’d get more tired and desperate to succeed as I ignored self care and continued to push my body to the limits by working all hours. My energy tanks were emptying quickly and I wasn’t replacing them. There got to a point where I was living on ‘empty.’

That’s when I realised that I’d reached overwhelm.

Energy is our life force!

Here’s a good place to begin…

1. Listen to your body!

I worked with a coach who once asked me two important questions:

1. Are you tired?
2. Are you hungry?

Huh?!

What did this have to do with anything?

“I haven’t got time to focus energy on this because I’ve already got too much to do. Don’t give me more to think about!”

It had EVERYTHING to do with how I had unconsciously allowed myself to become exhausted and overwhelmed!

Sleeping and eating are usually the first things to suffer when we get sucked into the ‘Do-Do.’ Busy-ness loves it when you’re hungry and tired. We get locked into doing and forget to eat and sleep properly under the false illusion of saving time to get more things done!

We ignore the signals from our body and wonder why we are so tired, emotional and overwhelmed.

Short-term this is okay because our bodies are very forgiving and have an amazing ability to heal.

If this continues, exhaustion gets a tighter grip because we are physically and mentally weaker. It’s harder for us to concentrate and to be effective.

Listen to the signals from your body. Your body is VERY wise.

Important Note: You can’t complete your To Do list if you don’t have a body!

2. Slow down and allow time away from the ‘Do-Do.’

Okay…the last thing you instinctively want to do is to slow down! You haven’t got time to slow down because you’ve got too much stuff to do right?

The first thing that you need to do is to restore your energy. You can only do this by slowing down and resting. It is not easy to do especially if you are so used to living at a constantly reactive pace.

I started by introducing a few Circuit Breakers into my daily life. These really helped restore my energy and focus.

Here are some examples of Circuit Breakers:

1. Close your laptop, turn off your phone and physically walk away for 30 minutes!
2. Finish work on time at least one or two nights a week
3. Go to bed before 9.30 pm at least one night a week
4. Take a proper lunch break
5. Eat regularly (and not just when you remember to!)
6. Eat healthy food – not junk that fills you up with sugar and fat
7. Drink plenty of water throughout the day (most people don’t drink enough water)

Try one or more of these activities as evening or weekend Circuit Breakers:

1. Take a nap when you feel tired (listen to your body!)
2. Have a relaxing long bath
3. Go for a walk
4. Read something funny or light
5. Sleep in
6. Sit quietly and do nothing for 15 minutes (Really…it’s okay to do this!)
7. Listen to some uplifting music
8. Allow yourself a ‘Day off the Do-Do’ one day a week

I’ve just added a Free Gift on my website! You can download the recording of my awesome tele-seminar: ‘Are You in Business or Busy-ness? Four Ways to Get Your Life Back on Purpose.’ This is packed with extra tips. Check out the box at the top right hand corner of this page.