Who’s Responsible?

By , September 11, 2013 9:46 pm

(originally published May 8, 2010)

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons or the wind, but you can change yourself.”

Jim Rohn, business philosopher

Let’s face it…

You are responsible for the quality of the life that you live. Not your boss, spouse, partner, kids, friends, neighbours or parents. Your success is down to you.

Your career, aspirations, relationships, family time and fun time are all down to you.

The truth is that circumstances happen. Thoughts are then created around this, feelings are generated which leads to action or non action being taken. So you end up with an outcome…

It’s easy for your ego to apportion blame to someone else for that outcome.

Here’s the thing…

Irrespective of who you want to blame, it was:

YOU that created those thoughts. YOU who generated those feelings. YOU who chose action or inaction. YOU who generated the outcome!

OUCH!

Blaming others is your ego’s way of avoiding ownership and responsibility for something that has happened or hasn’t happened! You can think your way around excuses and believe that your lack of success in a situation is down to someone else. The result is that you convince yourself that you don’t have to take ownership for it!

You become so busy blaming others that your success slips further and further away. You believe that others have it in for you! There’s a conspiracy:

  • Why didn’t they give me my promotion?
  • Why are they holding me back?
  • Why did they say no? When it should have been yes!

‘They’ is a powerful word – it’s an emotive trigger that hooks you. Blaming them potentially destroys any positive solution because you feel that things are outside of your control. All control is now held by them! This can twist and distort our thinking and create limiting beliefs.

It’s very easy to become a Drain whining, moaning and colluding with anyone who you can get to listen. Repeating this story They become stronger, bigger and harder to defeat. You become smaller and less powerful.

STOP!

As Byron Katie explains, ‘You are not your story.’ Yet while you replay it and allow your ego to feed from it – you continue to believe it. The story becomes bigger and more real.

If you want to be successful, stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for your thinking, feelings, actions and results.

Here’s how:

  1. Acknowledge the truth – learn to accept the truth of a situation. It’s not about blaming yourself or others. Don’t get hooked by your story. It’s just a story!
  2. Be imperfect – We judge others by their actions, we judge ourselves by our intentions. Therefore, if something doesn’t meet our own internal high standards it’s easy to criticize and blame others. We are all trying to do our best. Sometimes we get things wrong, this is the hardest part of learning and growing. Learn to allow imperfection into your life.
  3. Take responsibility – For the thoughts you are thinking, the feelings you are creating and the actions you are choosing to take. Remember you create your own outcomes and you ALWAYS have a choice.
  4. Take a different view – Reframe the situation from a different perspective. Step into the other person’s shoes or dis-associate yourself from the situation and view it from an observer’s perspective.
  5. Stop trying to change others - Don’t wait for someone else to change – you’ll be waiting a very long time! It’s all about you and how you show up.

Your thoughts, feelings and actions have got you to where you are now.

Where are you now?

The Power of Risk and Why It’s Important to Change

By , May 15, 2013 8:17 pm

Risk“All real change REQUIRES risk. You must take risks everyday of your life. You must get up each morning and ask not, ‘What can I do that is the same today?’ but in fact the complete opposite: What can I do that is different?” 

~Debbie Ford, Author

I’m a past-master at risk aversion – clinging onto things. I may let go with one hand, but the other is still firmly holding on. Letting go and seeing what happens terrified me. I wanted to know how it would turn out before I let go.

My solution used to be to hold on, wait and hope that someone or something would change the situation or force my hand.

Here’s what I’ve learnt…

Taking a risk is a risky business, but it’s essential if you want to successfully change your life.

Often what we are clinging onto is our own inner security, those familiar habits. The way we have done things in the past is easier and this way we get to continue to make the same choices each day (even if we’re not very happy).

Life becomes stale and automated because we’re in a holding pattern, circling around, waiting for something to happen from the outside to jolt us into something different and exciting. At the same time the inside is bored, unfulfilled and stale. Showing up the same way every day feels dull.

We are naturally programmed for growth and it’s a life-long process. I believe that our souls are infinitely creative, curious and open to change. Our unconscious habits create limiting beliefs and we settle for mediocre rather than stretching for great. In the boredom and false sense of security our mindset becomes fixed and focused on preservation of what we have.

Risk is a really powerful thing…

I first experienced it when I was asked to travel internationally as a consultant. I was a woman travelling alone in countries where English was a 2nd or 3rd language. Some of my family and friends saw this as dangerous and that I shouldn’t be going.

I found each trip exciting and expanding for my soul! I learned new ways of doing things, developed an appreciation of different cultures and tasted whole palates of new food! Every time I travelled I also noticed the difference in the local wildlife. I was used to seeing British birds; in other countries the birds looked so different – I didn’t recognise them and enjoyed the excitement of spotting new species. I felt like I was an explorer!

I loved it!

Taking risks is like being an explorer.

It’s about doing something outside of the norm. It doesn’t have to be dangerous! Risk is about stepping out of the borders of you, of what you already know and trying something new. It’s easy to become locked into the person you are and become stagnant.

Why not step into the person you have yet to become? There is infinite possibility. Reach out and be a little uncomfortable. Be curious, be exciting and allow your soul to express itself. Surprise yourself by doing something differently, or taking up a new interest.

Here are a few examples to get you started:

  • Join a dancing class
  • Take up yoga
  • Read a book that you wouldn’t normally choose
  • Try some new food choices that you’re not familiar with
  • Exercise a different way
  • Change your morning or evening rituals
  • Buy some different clothes for work
  • Travel to a country you’ve never been before
  • Learn a new craft

Taking small risks every day can be fun. It can fill you with joy and fulfilment because you’re trying something different. Practise can also help you to handle bigger risks when they show up in your life.

Learn to embrace the power of risk and why it is important for change.

Make Decisions From Where You Want to Be…

By , April 10, 2013 1:00 am

Make Decisions From Where You Want to Be

“When you make decisions from where you want to be, you become what you want to be!”

~Christine Kane, Singer-Songwriter and Mentor

Much of my early adult life was spent trying to please everyone else. I lived my life according to my perception of other people’s expectations and opinions of how I should behave and who I should be.

I became very good at it, but I felt like I was leading the wrong life. Deep inside I knew that this wasn’t the REAL me.

I was lost, confused and very unhappy. At the time, I didn’t know why.

Six years ago I took a leap of faith that changed my life. I decided to look for something more. This led me to attending my first ever women’s retreat in the USA. It was here that I realized I wanted to become my essential self.

So I went on a quest to find what I called: ‘Pure Elaine’. This was my clear vision. I didn’t know what ‘Pure Elaine’ looked like but deep down I knew how it felt and this was my compass.

It was to be a dramatic shift, one that has changed my life completely not just with business, but internal too.

Ultimately Pure Elaine led me to create my business and I resigned from the (well paid) corporate job that I’d outgrown. I put faith in the Universe and followed my heart. Step by step a path unfolded before me.

During this entire time I made decisions NOT from where I WAS but from where I WANTED to be.

This was a hard thing to do because the naysayers around me constantly mentioned the ‘economy.’ It’s so easy pull back as you listen to ‘how brave you are starting a business in THIS climate.’ ‘I wouldn’t make any decisions right now.’ Their advice was to stay small, safe and still, and wait for things to get better on their own.

Instead, I continued my quest and things started to open up for me. I received requests to run workshops from former colleagues and friends. I delivered a Keynote Speech in Arizona which led to over ten percent of the audience signing up for coaching! I developed my BrilliantLife™ Coaching Program and WorkBrilliant® Coaching Solutions™ was born! I’ve not looked back!

My mentor doesn’t recognise me. I’m a totally different person today…

Here’s what I’ve learned…

When you make decisions from where you want to be, you become what you want to be!

As I changed, my life opportunities opened up for me and things just started to happen. I continued to take forward motion, one step at a time. I listened to my heart instead of my limiting beliefs and learned to recognise struggle and efforting as symptoms of me being in resistance.

1. Don’t move away from what you don’t want (e.g. I hate my job!). Instead, get clear and move towards what you do want. Shift your energy before taking action. Change your internal dialogue to ‘towards’ language instead of ‘away from.’ Your job is to align to your intention and get into the flow! As you relax and let go everything begins to flow. Doors will start to open.

2. Set a clear intention about the life style you want to live. What does it look like, sound like and feel like? Notice how it makes your heart sing! Be the person you want to be – NOW! Start embodying how you want to show up every day. Use your Intention as a mantra to become that person. For example, if you want to be a confident speaker. Set your Intention and say to yourself: ‘I am a confident speaker.’

3. Challenge your beliefs about money and work. Stop being a prisoner here – you’re now in transition. Focus on what you appreciate about your current job, the people and what you’ve learned. You don’t have to quit tomorrow! Use it as a springboard to open doors for new opportunities, stop resisting and relax a little more.

4. Step out of your common surroundings and do something different. Make a commitment to start creating forward motion today (take that training course, join the gym!). Be consistent so it becomes part of your daily practice – creating true empowerment. As you do what you love, you step into your higher self.

5. Courage involves not waiting for us to become courageous, but by being courageous. If you practice the above, then you’ll not feel like you’re making a huge courageous decision when the opportunity arrives or inspiration comes to you. It will feel right and true. Step into your power today and stop worrying about the HOW – the Universe has this covered! Trust me!

Start making decisions from where you want to be…

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