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By elaine, May 22, 2013 5:41 pm

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”

~ Virginia Satir

Life is messy and uncomfortable at times. Things don’t always go to plan. We encounter bad experiences as well as good ones.

For example, you might get criticism from someone that makes you feel raw and vulnerable. The pain feels so real it hurts you to the core. Perhaps you can’t let go of it in your mind, you keep replaying it over and over.

When you’re stuck in the middle of a problem it’s hard to see it as an opportunity. It’s easy to wallow, say woe is me and keep replaying the story of just how bad things really are. You may react to the situation in one of the following ways:

• Explode with anger
• Get frustrated
• Shrink inside yourself
• Get caught in the drama (…and jump on the pity bus!)
• Ignore it
• Cry
• Blame someone else
• Freak out and panic
• Become anxious and obsessed with worry
• Fear (of failure or being exposed)
• Discouraged and want to quit
• Want to run away, change your name and start again!

Why do we react this way?

…Because the pain feels so real, it makes you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, and if you give it power then it will stop you dead in your tracks.

I came across this quote recently:

“Every problem introduces a person to himself.” ~ John McDonnell.

I LOVE this because I believe whatever you are going through in your life you ALWAYS have the opportunity to grow through it and from it. Every experience unlocks a little more about who you are and how you show up in the world.

Here’s how I see it…

It’s ALL about your attitude towards the situation and how you manage it and pain it creates.

Let me explain some more…

Pain is a great teacher – The pain that you feel when something goes wrong teaches you about where you are just now and who you are in that moment. It’s like looking at yourself through a mirror – It’s a gateway to a deeper level of self-awareness.  If you can hold up a mirror (or have a coach hold it up for you) there are some great lessons to be learned. How you handle the experience you are having defines whom you become and influences the ultimate outcome.

You are NOT alone – The truth is that life is messy! Yes! Shit happens! Life is full of ups and downs. We all experience both negative and positive times. You can’t avoid it – It’s just a natural part of life and an essential part of being human. No one enjoys or wants to have a bad experience. Know that this moment will pass and you will move through it and beyond it.

Lead your way through – How we handle the problem defines us and determines whether we settle and survive or create and thrive in our lives. You have two choices here: 1) Allow it to hold you back and limit you OR 2) Allow yourself to learn through it and grow. People who are successful often talk about a difficult time and how this was the pivotal moment on their development.

Own it don’t deflect it – Don’t become the victim: woe is me! Take responsibility for moving through and making change. Some people cling on to their story replaying it for everyone to hear. It becomes their excuse for staying stuck. Look for the opportunity in every situation.

Reframe the situation – As a coach, I constantly work with clients who have setbacks and negative experiences. My role is to help them reframe their problems and transition through their pain using it as a catalyst for success. How can you use this situation to unlock your creativity and find a solution? Here are a few prompts:

• What is the problem?
• What am I currently thinking about it?
• How does it make me feel (what emotions are associated with it?)?
• What am I learning?
• What do I want the outcome to be?
• What options are available to me?
• What support do I need from others?
• What’s your first step?

Remember there is no destination. Start from where you are right now and see every experience (good or bad) as a place where you can make positive change and growth.

“Keep Going – Keep Flowing – Keep Growing!”

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By elaine, May 18, 2013 9:39 am

Becoming Human

Hey, wait a moment, I am human. What does it mean to be fully human?

Authenticity Radio invites you to come listen to guest Elaine Bailey explore the, “Authentic Human You.”

You can Listen Here: www.AuthenticityRadio.com

Being YOU is pretty damned amazing! So go out there and change the world! – Elaine Bailey

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By elaine, May 8, 2013 8:51 pm

“If you put small value on yourself, rest assured the world will not raise the price.”

~ John C Maxwell

Not believing in yourself is one of the main reasons that holds people back from being successful.

Most people struggle to recognize and articulate their own value. They feel uncomfortable communicating and creating leverage with others. (Such as a potential client or your boss.)

To be successful you need to recognize that you have value and continually add value to yourself by investing time and effort into you. This isn’t about being arrogant or egotistical – it’s about knowing your strengths and seeing the possibilities.

Here’s the thing…

So many people stop growing and fail to reach their potential because they don’t believe in themselves.

It’s a self-esteem issue.

If you don’t know your own self worth, you limit your potential because you’re not able to recognize the possibilities that are available to you.

As Zig Ziglar once said:

“It’s impossible to consistently behave in a manner inconsistent with how we see ourselves. We do very few things in a positive way if we feel negative about ourselves.”

How do you see yourself? Are you worthy?

• If you don’t believe that you have any value what you’re saying is that you’re not worth investing in.

• If you believe you are worthless, then you’re not going to put the time or effort in or look for opportunities to add value to yourself. You unconsciously relegate YOU to the bottom of the list.

Our own self-image is often a reflection of the value that others project on to us. Most of us set our expectations based on other people’s opinions or beliefs of us.  This is okay if we have supportive and encouraging people around us. If not, then you’ll start listening to the negative influences of others. You stop believing in yourself and listen to the voices of others instead.

Here’s what the naysayers might be saying around you:

• ‘You’ll never account for much!’
• ‘You’ll not get anywhere with running a business’
• ‘No one in our family has ever amounted to much!’
• ‘You’ll fail in six months and wish you’d kept your old job!’
• ‘It’s not going to happen so don’t waste your time.’

These statements are not true…

I believe your potential is unlimited. Explore and cultivate the possibilities of what could be.

Here’s how to start:

1. Stop worrying about what other people think of you – It’s what YOU think of YOU that matters! I’ve coached many people who have been living their lives according to what other people believe about them. My family was skeptical that I’d run my own business. Do it anyway! Create your own solution. You get to choose who you become – Not other people!

2. Listen to your language – You are what you think through the constant conversations that you have in your head. Are these positive or negative? Change the way you think of yourself by improving the quality of your inner dialogue.  Stop being your worst critic and become your coach instead. Have positive conversations rather than negative ones. Tune in to how you talk to yourself.

3. List your strengths – Get to know yourself. Increase your self-awareness by understanding what you’re good at:

• What feedback do you get from others about what you are good at?
• What are your strengths (Strengths Finder 2.0 is a great starting point)?
• What are your talents and skills?
• What are you doing when you’re helping other people?
• What do you enjoy doing?

4. STOP comparing yourself to others – Being successful is about your relationship with YOU. Comparing is an unnecessary distraction that takes your attention away from your intention and is harmful to your self-esteem. It’s all perception and it will either discourage you or feed your ego! None of which serves you or help you grow. Stay in your business of YOU. What do you need in order to grow today?

5. Identify and reframe your limiting beliefs – Most limiting beliefs are self-Imposed. Reframing enables us to find new and different ways of thinking about a situation to open up new possibilities that were previously closed off. Reframing can transform our understanding of a situation and lead to new thinking, feeling, action and better outcomes.

Here are some questions to help you to reframe a limiting belief:

• What are you thinking that’s getting in the way of your success right now?
• How does this make you feel?
• How do you want to think, feel and act instead?
• Write a turnaround statement for yourself.
• Give yourself permission to think, feel and act in this new way.
• Practice it daily so it becomes a habit

5. Look for opportunities to demonstrate your value to others – Share your gifts with others. Be in service to others by helping them with your expertise and experience. Let them know how you can help them. You might have information to share that saves someone time and helps them become more effective. Look for opportunities to reach out. This will create positive experiences.

Take a small step each day to uncovering and sharing your value – Forward motion.

You ARE WORTH IT!

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By elaine, May 1, 2013 5:52 pm

“The difference between who you are and who you want to be…is what you do…”

~Author Unknown

Doubts and fears often get in the way of us realising our goals and dreams. We ride the tide of feeling empowered only to be washed ashore by fear and doubt. The voice in our head provides a rich dialogue of excuses of why we should give up right now.

Excuses reinforce our limiting beliefs.

So our thinking keeps us stuck as we loop around in the flotsam and jetsam often without us realising it. Each day we are unconditionally programmed to think the same thoughts and habitual patterns over and over again!

Here are some of the common excuses I’ve experienced with my clients. (Maybe you’ll recognise a few, I certainly do

“I don’t have the time…”
“I’m too set in my ways…”
“I’m too old (or too young)…”
“I’m not good enough…”
“I’ll take too long…”
“I don’t deserve it…”
“I can’t afford it…”
“My family/partner won’t like it…”
“I’m too busy…”
“It’s too risky…”
“The rules say I can’t do it…”
“I’m too scared…”
“I can’t do it alone…”
“I’m not fit enough…”
“It’s too difficult…”
“No one has ever done it this way before…”
“It’s not in my nature…”

Excuses are NOT the truth, but if you allow yourself to become hooked by your thinking, then the situation feels hopeless.

Our habitual mind consciously runs the show using a lifelong wealth of old thinking patterns and habits.

I believe that you have a choice over everything that you think, say and do. You can create new habits and patterns. As Dr Wayne W Dyer explains:

“When you abandon making choices, you enter a vast world of excuses.”

…It’s about choosing instead of excusing!

Changing unwanted thinking and behaviour, as we know, is possible and REALLY… It doesn’t have to take months to re-programme your thinking. You can choose to access your habitual thinking and begin to re-program any thinking that no longer serves you.

Here’s how you can begin this process and become someone who no longer relies upon excuses…

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By elaine, April 24, 2013 6:59 pm

“Infinite patience brings immediate results.”

- A Course in Miracles

Every summer holiday when I was a kid my Mum and Dad would take us to the seaside. We LOVED it! It was the highlight of the school holidays.

Being on the beach was so much fun. Driving to the beach, though, was a different story! My Brother and I dreaded the journey because it was tedious and boring. We sat in the back winding each other up and usually after only five minutes of travelling we’d grow impatient and repeatedly ask: ‘Are we there yet?!’ This trip always seemed to take forever. It was so frustratingly slow in our anticipation of being able to play on the beach!

Some of my coaching clients struggle because they want it all – NOW. During our first session they want the answer to EVERYTHING so they can just run a successful business or just get promoted into that leadership position.

“Give me the information, the tactics and I’ll rush in and get on with it!”

We live in a fast-paced world where everything is needed NOW! So there’s a lot of pressure on getting instant results – quick fixes – making money fast!

I saw this recently when coaching people in a modular business program. Two clients wanted all the content at the beginning instead of working through the program a module at a time in order to build a firm foundation. There is a difference between racing and pacing your way to success. Yet our impatience gets in the way.

As my mentor taught me: “It’s not just about information, it’s about implementation.”

Building a successful, sustainable business or becoming an effective leader takes time. You have to build the knowledge, skills and gain experience. Sometimes you need to start by creating a firm foundation and then experiencing things. It’s about creating consistent action and understanding the depth and breadth of what you are learning.

In our haste to be successful we create urgency and pressure to get it all done as quickly as possible. Racing to tick all the boxes doesn’t guarantee a successful outcome – you are missing the depth and breadth of understanding and connection along the way. This urgency gets in the way and blocks your progress.

Here’s the thing…

There is no destination… you’ll never be done! Your work isn’t about trying to get somewhere – it’s about being somewhere right now in every moment. I’ve noticed that sometimes the faster a person wants to zip through things the slower they actually move. They miss out on the experience and other messy stuff! Which is a huge part of being a leader or running a business.

They get bogged down in frustration, overwhelm and beat themselves up for not being successful. Instead of focusing on their current experience right now. It’s those little steps – one after the other – that creates momentum and ultimately completion. This can’t be taught – it has to be experienced.

If you just want to get the work over with in order to achieve your goal, then I guarantee it’ll be hard work, tedious and dull (like sitting in the back of the car with my Brother on the way to the beach!).

1. Take a deep breath – Breathe! This helps you to create a circuit breaker from your current thinking. Focus on your breathing and take your attention away from your frustration and urgency. Create some breathing space.

2.  Recognise and then let go of any anger or frustration or judgments – notice them but decide that they don’t drive you. You get to choose your thinking. Look out for any resistance and let go of old stories and doubts that no longer serve you – they are not the truth. Rushing ahead isn’t always a good strategy; it’s not about ticking boxes and getting stuff done.

3. Be fully present in the moment – This moment! Focus on the scenery along the journey, not just the end goal or the length of the journey you have to take. Savor the moment. Take time to enjoy what you’re doing. This will dissolve any anxiety and boredom and neutralize tedium. When YOU show up so does everything else (trust me on this one!).

4. Keep it simple – Focus on one thing and do it well. Break things down into small doable tasks and do them one step at a time. Where you place your attention is EVERYTHING! Attention creates your experience and connection with the one thing you’re doing right now in this moment. Have fun with it. Protect your attention from any BSO’s (Bright Shiny Objects).

5. Slow down to speed up – Create the right pace for yourself. Stay grounded and re-align yourself to where you are now and check in on where you want to be. Focus on reality and know that completing the ordinary stuff makes a difference because you’re creating momentum and completion through implementation. Things are more joyful when you slow down and stop trying to kill yourself!

For me, success is all about your thinking. You are what you focus on. Choose to move away from frustration and impatience instead of rolling your eyes at how long things will take to get done!

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By elaine, April 17, 2013 6:01 pm

“The fixed mindset makes you concerned with how you’ll be judged; the growth mindset makes you concerned with improving.”

~ Carol Dweck, Mindset the New Psychology of Success.

Have you ever met someone like this? Who’s supersensitive about being wrong?

Over the last 25 years learning has been both my profession and a personal passion.

I believe that people’s ability to learn and grow is strongly influenced by their ability to set their mind for success. Mindsets are beliefs that start life as thoughts. They have gained power by being replayed over and over and have solidified to become strong beliefs.

I often get to observe people’s resistance to learning and growing sometimes because they falsely believe that their ability is fixed. Instead they decide to play safe and hide behind their existing ability and become over cautious and scared to try something new.

There is a difference between having a fixed mindset and a growth mindset towards learning and growing. The different behaviors ‘play out’ regularly in business meetings, the classroom and during coaching sessions with clients.

Here’s an example…

My client Jon was struggling with one of his team, a corporate manager called Brian. He was difficult to give feedback to because Brian was hypersensitive about making mistakes and being wrong.

Brian’s fear of making mistakes in front of others made him feel like his ability was always on the line. This put him under a huge amount of pressure when learning something new. He felt like everyone was watching him and judging him. Failure wasn’t an option for him, it was something to avoid at all costs.

His inner security system kicked in to protect him whenever he felt that his ability was being threatened. His lizard brain and ego would take over. As a result, Brain had become supersensitive about being wrong or making mistakes. He would feel resistance when anyone gave him feedback and become defensive or he’d back down and play safe. His limiting beliefs were holding him back.

Here’s the thing…

You can literally change your mind!

I believe that you can grow your mind for success (my business is based on this principle!).

Here’s how we helped Brian…

Brian had set his mind to focus on the avoidance of mistakes. He wanted to prove his ability to the world and had put a lot of effort into validating himself with others. He’d become frightened of being rejected for not being smart or for making a mistake. He wanted to set everything up perfectly so he would succeed – if he couldn’t do this then he wouldn’t try.

• It’s okay to be imperfectly perfect – You are the sum of what you’ve learned so far and learning can be messy! Making mistakes are just part of the process. You develop your skills over time. EVERYONE makes mistakes and screws up at times!

• You can develop yourself – Potential is unlimited. Ability is NOT fixed. And you can change it. Knowing your current level of ability allows you to be open and honest with yourself – It creates a starting point from which to learn. You need to know: Where am I now? In order to learn effectively – this involves feedback and observation.

• You can change your mindset – Everyone starts out as a novice – If you take this view then you can a safe environment for learning – That’s why you’re here to learn and grow. Others have more experience and can be great teachers for you. Open your mind.

…It’s totally okay to make mistakes! It’s part of learning, growing and being alive!

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By elaine, April 3, 2013 6:40 pm

They say it takes up to 65% of an airplane’s fuel just to lift it off the ground.

Do you think that the pilots ever get to the point where they’ve used 55% of their fuel and they look at each other and say, ‘This thing’s not lifting yet, let’s just give up!’

Is there a point where you’ve given it all, the end of the runway is getting closer but you’re still not getting any lift? You just want to give up and walk away from what you’re trying to achieve.

I’ve felt this many times in my life when trying to shift negative patterns and habits that no longer serve me, or when I was putting all my time and effort into starting a new business but still not seeing any of the benefits from all my hard work.

Isn’t it just easier to give up, return to the gate, park up and go get a Starbucks?!

“Sorry folks your flight’s been cancelled, we’re not changing our lives today.”

Pilots know that during take-off there is a point of no return. This comes after a certain amount of throttle and speed has been engaged. You can no longer abort the take off. This is known as the critical point.

This point of no return is also true in our lives when returning to the gate is no longer an option.

Sometimes I feel like I’m tearing down the run way. My intention is clear, and I know that this change is important. I’m uncertain of what’s in front of me, yet I know I don’t want to go back to the old place I’m moving away from. I want to take off and fly; I’m just a little scared of the unknown. Like that pilot, I’ve reached my critical point and take off is my only option if I want to Live On Purpose.

“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one-yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.”

H.Ross Perot
American billionaire and former U.S presidential candidate

Persistence is a common quality of successful people. Sometimes it’s not going to be easy. You face obstacles and criticism that you may not have been able to predict. Sometimes you may feel that the Universe is testing you to the limit about your commitment to this goal.

It’s going to take a lot of energy to get lift off in your life.

I have learned the practice of persistence. Even when the going gets tough I refuse to give up. Instead I choose to learn and grow from each obstacle as I hang in there. I make my decisions from where I want to be and no matter how hard it seems, I eventually break through and create lift off.

As you are in the process of creating lift off in your own life, allow me to give you a five step safety demonstration.

1.    Fasten Your Seat Belt – Your seat belt is your Intention. It holds you in my seat. It keeps you grounded and secure in knowing your destination. It holds your attention, despite any turbulence (distraction). You can always adjust the strap, hone your focus and return to your intention.

2.    The Life Vest –Your life vest is there in case of the unlikely event of a water landing. It’s about having faith in yourself. Only you can know exactly what your life vest is, but mine are my supportive friends and my coach. What is your life vest?

3.    Read the Safety Card – Here’s a thing about that safety card. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves about the systems and processes that work. Even though we think we know them all too well. Use these systems and processes regularly by being persistent and not giving up after the first attempt because it was hard. It’s working through any obstacles, hanging in there, trusting the process, following the system despite not feeling like it.

4.    Put on Your Own Safety Mask First – The greatest gift that you can bestow on the world is a happy and healthy you. This is all about looking after yourself on many levels: physically, mentally and spiritually. One thing I’ve learned about me is that when things get so bad I forget about self-care. I then make bad decisions and I can’t get lift off. So I have to remember to go back and put on my own safety mask. Place a high value on your own Self-Care, and take good care of yourself.

5.    Enjoy the Flight – People think it’s all about the destination. It’s who you become on the destination. That’s what is so important. In fact who you become as you are creating lift off is more important than getting there.

So ladies and gentlemen…

“Fasten your seatbelts. Seatbacks in the upright position, and tray tables stowed…”

Let’s get this baby in the air!