Stop Blaming and Start Claiming Responsibility for Your Results

By , October 1, 2012 9:35 pm

“This is YOUR life. You are responsible for it. You will not live forever. Don’t wait. Make the time now.” 

 Natalie Goldberg, author.

A few years ago a HR Director asked me to come into her organisation to coach a senior executive called John, who desperately wanted to be a director.

John was a technical expert in his field but had no idea how to interact and lead people. He lacked self-awareness and empathy.

He struggled with people skills and had upset a lot of people. Some of his own team had even complained to HR about his behaviour and approach.

I was brought in to help him to develop his emotional intelligence – He was a very talented guy.

When I met him for the first time, he was sat behind his big desk with his hands behind his head. The first words he said to me were:

“Hello dear, now aren’t you the girlie who’s going to make me a director?!”

I politely explained that I wasn’t going to MAKE him a director. He was going to make himself a director, but that was totally up to him and only if he REALLY WANTED to do the work!

As a coach one of the hardest things to coach is responsibility and ownership…

You cannot make someone change – they have got to want to change.

There have been occasions when I’ve wanted success for my clients more than they have wanted it for themselves… I am responsible to my clients as a coach but THEY are responsible for their own results – In other words…They have to do the work!

My client has to take it, walk the talk and own their own results.

Forward motion, stretching out of your comfort zone and making change all begins from the inside. It’s not something that can be done to you.

There is a huge difference between interest and commitment

…Your success is totally down to YOU.

Your business, career, aspirations, relationships, family time and fun time are ALL down to you.

It’s your choice…

Some people like to whine, moan and collude about what is not working and how it’s someone else’s fault. In fact, it’s a full time occupation for some people! It’s okay to get things off your chest, as long as a line is drawn and the individual then steps into their power to take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

Here’s how Stop Blaming and Start Claiming Responsibility for Your Results:

Own your results – Being successful in work and life is ALL about your relationship with YOU. It’s about taking responsibility for the thoughts you are thinking, the feelings you are creating and the actions you are choosing to take. Remember you create your own outcomes and you ALWAYS have a choice.

Stop blaming everyone else – It’s socially acceptable to blame someone else. It’s easy to point the finger and blame other people or circumstances because it conveniently allows you to remain stuck and play small. You create a barrier of external excuses of: why I wasn’t successful or how everyone else has got it in for me (victim mentality). Blaming others is your ego’s way of avoiding ownership and responsibility for something that has or hasn’t happened!

Be the power point in your life – Claim your power back and STOP waiting for someone else to make things happen. I always used to give my power away to others, expecting them to save me. My coach made me realize that I was the power point in my life and that I had to get out of my story and claim my power back. I learned the importance of clarity, the power of intention and that I always get to choose. I have  to re-decide each day to keep making forward motion towards my goals and dreams.

Stop trying to change others – Don’t wait for someone else to change – because you’ll be waiting a very long time! It’s all about you and how you show up. Get back on track and take responsibility for what you can do. Get out of other people’s stories and focus on what is important to you – Your goals and dreams. Use that energy instead to make things happen.

Your ability to respond – I’m sure you’ve heard this before. Responsibility IS your ability to respond. This is all about increasing your self-awareness and knowing when things aren’t going well, choosing a different approach, even when you don’t feel like it… This is TRUE self-leadership. Lead yourself through by taking responsibility and ownership for your actions and results. And remeber that it’s okay to be imperfect!

Yes…taking responsibility can be painful at times, but it always brings you back to your true self.

Owning your power changes your life.

 

 

 

4 Responses to “Stop Blaming and Start Claiming Responsibility for Your Results”

  1. Carole Lyden says:

    How true, when I was practising as a psychotherapist despite suffering greatly many clients whilst consciously wanting to change found that their unconscious would not let them. They were afraid and were prepared to settle. I am just re-inventing myself as a writer and yes it is always up to you to take charge of your own life even if it is tough.
    Great article

  2. ElaineBailey says:

    Thanks Carole! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences here and yes it’s always up to you, even when things get tough. This is a true test of self-leadership for sure.

    Yay! For re-inventing yourself and I’m excited to hear more about your journey as a writer!

  3. Hi Elaine:

    Good article. What I found key is having to re-decide each day to keep making forward motion towards my goals and dreams. You are quite right about being everyday. There are days where I feel like taking the world and won’t let it beat be me, there other days when I feel that’s destiny is more powerful and you got what you got no matter what I do. So, yes, I do think that every day you must decide and motive yourself to make forward motions towards your dreams and goal even when they seem to far too reach.

  4. Elaine says:

    Thanks Yaritza! And for sharing your thoughts here. I love your comment about ‘re-deciding’ – this is exactly what we need to do each day to keep forward motion towards our dreams and goals – Even when we don’t feel like it… Here’s to forward motion :)

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