Just what are YOU waiting for?

By , April 15, 2010 10:37 pm

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I was working with a client. Let’s called her Jenny. Jenny is really making some changes in her life. She admitted that she has been putting off telling her parents about the career decision she has made, because she is worried about their reaction. Jenny doesn’t think that they will understand or approve.

She is now procrastinating about this ‘difficult’ conversation and has played it in her head many times including their anticipated negative responses. The more Jenny thinks about telling them, the more she procrastinates. Here are a few of the scripts that are currently being played in her head:

  • ‘Why do you want to leave your well paid job?’
  • ‘You can’t just pick and choose what you want to do!’
  • ‘You’re lucky to have a job!’

These scripts feel real. They are beginning to affect her judgment.

So she’s waiting…

There have been many times in my life where I have chosen non-action over action, because I was frightened of the potential response that I would get from my parents, partner or friends even though I was clear about my intention or goal.

Here’s what I was waiting for:

  • approval
  • judgment
  • criticism
  • disappointment
  • understanding and acceptance
  • to be rescued from the dis-comfort

What I learned about waiting:

  • Waiting drains your energy.
  • Waiting distracts you from your goal.
  • Waiting compounds the situation because you start to believe the voices in your head.
  • Waiting dis-empowers you.
  • Waiting causes you to question your original choices.
  • Waiting robs you of your power and can make you defensive.
  • Waiting can kill your dreams because you want everyone to be happy with your decision before you step forward.

In my experience, waiting inevitability leads to the realization of my ‘self fulfilling prophecy of doom.’ The ‘difficult’ conversation is ultimately played out because I’ve already rehearsed it so many times in my head.

Waiting makes us feel that we have to explain, justify or defend our decision and this behaviour increases the other person’s disappointment or criticism.

Stop waiting!

Here’s how:

  1. Step into your own power – focus your energy on your intention. Get clear about the decision you have made and why you made it. Restore your power by giving YOURSELF permission and approval.
  2. You don’t have to explain – take personal responsibility for your decisions and the actions you take. You have the freedom to make choices. Trust your own intuitions and instincts. YOU get to make the choices in your life. You don’t have to explain them.
  3. Face the reality that others will be disappointed – You can’t please everyone all the time. Sometimes we pay too much attention to other people’s opinions of our choices. This blocks our creativity and we settle for less because we reach for a compromise rather than listening to our deeper self. Learn to accept that people won’t always agree with your ideas or decisions. This isn’t a reason to walk away or change your mind. It’s okay for others to be disappointed with your decisions sometimes.
  4. Stop playing the movie in your head – We often label a situation as ‘difficult’ because of how we have framed it in our own mind. The more you play the imaginary scenario, the more uncomfortable you become. How you think, affects how you feel, which ultimately effects how you behave. Therefore, our thinking and feeling fuels our actions and outcomes. How do you want to think, feel and behave during this conversation? If you were to think and feel this way, how will it make you act? What results could you achieve?
  5. Stop waiting for the ‘difficult’ conversation – I learnt to stop waiting in anticipation for the ‘difficult’ conversation. When I stopped waiting for it, the difficult conversation didn’t manifest! Because I didn’t get hooked into the old negative patterns of trying to ‘please people’ or ‘please understand me.’ Instead, I was confident and clear. I wasn’t sucked into the drama or the disappointment of others.

So what are you waiting for?

2 Responses to “Just what are YOU waiting for?”

  1. Tammy Vitale says:

    “stop playing the movie in your head” – YES! GREAT advice!

  2. Very nice blog to get lots of information. i will certainly come back and read more..

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