Category: Faith

What Might THEY Think of Me?

By , August 28, 2010 5:35 pm

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”

Dorothy Thompson, Journalist.

I was reminded about this quotation this week as I was coaching a manager who was hesitant to follow his belief because of the fear of what other people might think.

Sometimes working in the corporate world can make us anxious because we’re worried about what THEY think! Will THEY approve? THEY might not like it! THEY might be against what I have to say. THEY could be your boss, colleagues or your staff (By the way, this doesn’t just happen at work – THEY can also be family, friends or anyone you interact with!).

If you allow THEM to influence and limit your choice you base your decisions on what other people think, rather than what YOU think.

You waste time, effort and energy worrying about what other people might think about your ideas, goals, appearance or desires.

Seriously, it’s really hard work trying to second guess what other people might think!

According to a poll in the Guardian Newspaper, Sociophobia was the No2 top phobia in the UK in 2006 (Arachnophobia was No1.). Sociophobia is an irrational persistent fear of certain situations. For example, fear of being ridiculed or embarrassed in social situations. This fear can become addictive and prevent us from achieving our goals.

Here’s the truth from my experience… most people are too busy worrying about themselves to be sat thinking about you. They might be thinking about you, but only to the extent of asking what you might be thinking about them!

I believe that what others think about you is their business and not yours. Your business is about getting clear and basing your decisions on what you want to be, do and have in your life. Other people may have opinions. This is perfectly okay. Just remember that you cannot change other people, but you can change your thinking and you always have a choice.

So the next time that you’re getting anxious about THEM and what they might think, why not use that time, effort and energy in a different way: to get clear, re-focus on your intention and think about how you could take some action towards achieving your goals and dreams?

Follow your heart.

You never know, THEY might approve!

What do YOU believe?

By , August 1, 2010 10:30 pm

“You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can’t have it.”

Dr Robert Anthony, Self Help Author

I’ve recently been working with several coaching clients who have been identifying and blasting through some of their limiting beliefs.

A belief is something that we accept as true. We don’t question it. A belief has the power to keep us stuck where we are or to take us to where we want to go.

You don’t have to look far to see the impact of beliefs. Here are a couple of examples.

A few centuries ago our ancestors believed that the world was flat. The fear of falling off the end of the earth inhibited movement and exploration.

As a child, I remember putting so much effort into being really good in the lead up to Christmas because of my belief in Santa Claus! I was also frightened to be awake in case I saw him delivering my presents because he might take them away again!

Beliefs are powerful and they influence our behaviour. We create rituals, habits and patterns around them.

We begin to form beliefs in early life from the influences around us: our parents, role models, teachers and social groups. Today we also have strong influences from the media on what we should believe. I know people who totally believe everything that is written in their newspaper!

Beliefs begin their life as thoughts. If these thoughts are replayed over time they eventually become beliefs. We sub-consciously gather evidence to support our beliefs and  become conditioned to accepting our beliefs as factual and true. We never question them and find comfort in this conditioning even if it’s dis-empowering!

Our limiting beliefs can actually prevent our growth because we accept them as the truth.

Here’s the thing…

Our beliefs can also motivate us to grow and achieve our desires and dreams. They act as powerful filters on how we experience the world.

Here are some ways to help you recognise any limiting beliefs you might have created in your life:

  1. Self awareness –Write down your beliefs. Knowing them is extremely important. Some will be empowering and some dis-empowering. What do you believe to be true in your life? How does this impact your success? Knowing your beliefs will help you to recognise how they can influence your outcomes.
  1. Address any dis-empowering beliefs – Our past affects the present and the future. These beliefs can limit or destroy any chance of success. Consider your own time line. We have an amazing ability to project the past onto a future event and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom before we’ve even taken any action! Try re-framing this belief. Take a step back and dis-associate yourself from the situation. What advice would you give your best friend? Remember limiting beliefs are just sticky thoughts that have been replayed so often they have solidified. Challenge your limiting beliefs.
  1. Watch your language! – Language is the window to your belief systems. Language helped to create your thinking in the first place! Listen to your language around your dis-empowering beliefs.

Here are some examples of language that is often associated with dis-empowering beliefs:

  • “I can’t…”
  • “I’ll fail again…”
  • “I’m not worthy…”
  • “I’m not good enough…”
  • “Yea…but…”
  • “But I’m not like them…”
  • “It won’t work for me.”
  • “I’ve tried this before.”
  • “They think I’m useless.”

This language is scary because it feels real. Dis-empowering beliefs are like sharks beneath the surface of the ocean, circling and swarming. Sharks are ruthless killing machines. Dis-empowering beliefs are like sharks because they kill your dreams. They limit your potential by creating interference.

With this language in your head it’s easy to just give up when the first obstacle appears.

Recognise when this is happening and choose different language to help you move through your dis-comfort.

What beliefs are showing up for you just now? Are they holding you back from achieving your desires and dreams?

Give yourself permission to challenge your own thinking!

Stop Waiting and Start Creating…

By , May 25, 2010 10:33 am

“I almost want someone to say to me, “you’d be really good at …..” and then I’d go off, do what I needed to do to do that, and then actually be good at it and enjoy it – happy ever after!”

Jenny, one of my international clients.

It can feel really hard to be stuck and not sure what you want to do with your… (Insert any of the following: life, career, relationship, etc).

Jenny does know that she wants to make some changes in her life. She’d made a list of possible career options, though wasn’t really sure that any of these ideas interested her enough to take them to the next level. Was it that she wasn’t really committed to any of these things? May be it was because that negative person on her shoulder was saying, ‘what’s the point, you won’t be able to do any of them anyway because… (Insert your own negative thinking response here such as: ‘you’re too old,’ or ‘you don’t have any qualifications,’ or ‘you’d never be any good at it.’ etc)’

In times like this wouldn’t it be wonderful if your coach, partner, best friend or boss could simply say: “You’d be really good at…” and solve the confusion for us? With the mystery solved and you could go off and enjoy the rest of your life, as Jenny says “happy ever after!”

I have experienced confusion and waiting around for someone else to come and save me and tell me what I needed to do. They never came.

Trust me… you’ll be waiting a very long time! People will offer advice and ideas, though often their solutions are based on their own opinions of what you should do and not necessarily what you want to do.

The answer lies within…

Stop waiting and start creating your own life. YOU are actually the person that YOU are waiting for!

We all have the gift of  intuition. Have you ever thought about a friend and a few minutes later the phone rings and it’s your friend is calling you? Or, you’re in the shower and suddenly you solve that work problem that you were struggling with all day.

You intuition is always communicating with you but sometimes in the busy-ness of life, we don’t bother to listen or it gets lost in the noise around us.

“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness, call it intuition or what you will, and the solution comes to you, and you don’t know how or why.”

Albert Einstein, Physicist and Nobel laureate.

He’s how to tap into your intuition and begin to listen to your Wise-Self…

  • Make time to listen to your intuition – The best time for this to happen is usually when you are relaxed and more open to receiving information. Schedule time to relax. Some of the following might help you:
    • go for a walk
    • meditate
    • lie on your back and watch the clouds in the sky
    • take a shower or a long relaxing bath
    • listen to nature
    • go jogging
    • listen to music that inspires you
    • take time to reflect
    • plan some thinking time into your day
    • practice some deep breathing
  • Journal writing – Allow your intuition to speak to you through pen and paper. Focus on images, words, emotions and/or any physical sensations that you experience while thinking about the situation. It’s amazing how powerful writing can be. Intuition may show up straight away, or it may appear two days later while you’re walking the dog. Journaling can really help you to release your thinking and awaken your creativity.
  • Explore the possibilities – Try each one on for size, like you would try on new clothes. What does it feel like, look like and sound like? Become the explorer in your life.  This will help your intuition to find a way to speak to you.
  • Look out for the Goose Bumps! – Intuition can talk to us in many ways. For me, I get a tingling sensation and goose bumps on my lower arms. It’s like a zap of energy flowing out from my soul! I know to take notice of it, as it’s usually very wise. It might come to you many ways. For example as a hunch, a visual image, a sense of relief, a release of tension or a voice saying ‘Just do it!’ Sometimes it’s just a sense of knowing. These are usually followed by a sense of laser-like clarity and focus. It just feels right. You might then start to feel excited or passionate. Your intuition will also warn you and let you know if something is not right. You may experience these as a feeling of confusion or concern. You may feel drained, bored or the voice in your head is saying ‘Don’t do it!’ Again, these are clear messages from your intuition. You just know.
  • Take action – Act on your intuition as soon as possible. This doesn’t mean quit your job straight away! This means act on the information. Learn to trust it and follow it. Have faith in yourself.

You have the key to Unlock Your Life’s Potential.

So STOP WAITING and START CREATING today… listen to your deeper voice.

Travel Notes – Sixpenny Handley Dorset

By , May 21, 2010 5:55 pm

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