Who’s Responsible?

By , May 8, 2010 10:04 pm

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons or the wind, but you can change yourself.”

Jim Rohn, business philosopher

Let’s face it…

You are responsible for the quality of the life that you live. Not your boss, spouse, partner, kids, friends, neighbours or parents. Your success is down to you.

Your career, aspirations, relationships, family time and fun time are all down to you.

The truth is that circumstances happen. Thoughts are then created around this, feelings are generated which leads to action or non action being taken. So you end up with an outcome…

It’s easy for your ego to apportion blame to someone else for that outcome.

Here’s the thing…

Irrespective of who you want to blame, it was:

YOU that created those thoughts. YOU who generated those feelings. YOU who chose action or inaction. YOU who generated the outcome!


Blaming others is your ego’s way of avoiding ownership and responsibility for something that has happened or hasn’t happened! You can think your way around excuses and believe that your lack of success in a situation is down to someone else. The result is that you convince yourself that you don’t have to take ownership for it!

You become so busy blaming others that your success slips further and further away. You believe that others have it in for you! There’s a conspiracy:

  • Why didn’t they give me my promotion?
  • Why are they holding me back?
  • Why did they say no? When it should have been yes!

‘They’ is a powerful word – it’s an emotive trigger that hooks you. Blaming them potentially destroys any positive solution because you feel that things are outside of your control. All control is now held by them! This can twist and distort our thinking and create limiting beliefs.

It’s very easy to become a Drain whining, moaning and colluding with anyone who you can get to listen. Repeating this story They become stronger, bigger and harder to defeat. You become smaller and less powerful.


As Byron Katie explains, ‘You are not your story.’ Yet while you replay it and allow your ego to feed from it – you continue to believe it. The story becomes bigger and more real.

If you want to be successful, stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for your thinking, feelings, actions and results.

Here’s how:

  1. Acknowledge the truth – learn to accept the truth of a situation. It’s not about blaming yourself or others. Don’t get hooked by your story. It’s just a story!
  2. Be imperfect – We judge others by their actions, we judge ourselves by our intentions. Therefore, if something doesn’t meet our own internal high standards it’s easy to criticize and blame others. We are all trying to do our best. Sometimes we get things wrong, this is the hardest part of learning and growing. Learn to allow imperfection into your life.
  3. Take responsibility – For the thoughts you are thinking, the feelings you are creating and the actions you are choosing to take. Remember you create your own outcomes and you ALWAYS have a choice.
  4. Take a different view – Reframe the situation from a different perspective. Step into the other person’s shoes or dis-associate yourself from the situation and view it from an observer’s perspective.
  5. Stop trying to change others – Don’t wait for someone else to change – you’ll be waiting a very long time! It’s all about you and how you show up.

Your thoughts, feelings and actions have got you to where you are now.

Where are you now?

6 Responses to “Who’s Responsible?”

  1. Tammy Vitale says:

    GREAT post Elaine! Thanks for important reminders!

  2. Sue says:


    First of all, LOVE this ‘photo’ here!! Also, love the line,

    ‘They’ is a powerful word.

    Such a great point! Makes me want to pay more attn to when I say this! Thanks!

  3. Elaine – You’ve hit the nail on the head one again with this post! I used to be the excuse girl – whatever happened happened to me and I found someone or some excuse outside myself to blame it on. It’s so much more authentic to be accepting responsibility for it all myself, especially my own reaction. And I love being able to see where my pesky ego is trying to muscle her way in, tell me I can’t do it. See more on my blog about this in my latest post.

  4. Elaine says:

    Thanks Gals!

    I love the picture too!

    Me too – I also used to be ‘excuse girl.’ It’s so much easier to blame someone or something else for the situation. That way, we never have to take responsibility or ownership.

    I love being authentic and accepting responsibility is a great way to live on purpose!

  5. Great post, dear! I used to play the blame game, too: parents and husband. What a waste. Thanks for the reminder to stay out of that game. Happy day.

  6. […] Take responsibility. Let go of any excuses and accept where you are right now. You might not be able to influence what […]

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